some christmas things we did

December seemed so busy, but for some reason, I don't have the pictures to prove it.  I need to be better at taking pictures.  Remember when I used to take pictures of everything?  

Here are some of the things we did do in December, that I did take pictures of:

We went up to Salt Lake on a rainy Friday night to see the lights and look at the candy windows.  The lights were fantastic, as always, even though we were getting rained on as we walked around Temple Square.  The candy?  Not very impressive.  The kids liked it, but I imagine it can only get better in years to come.  I think it's great that it's back though.  I think it's one of those magical things that children will remember fondly.  

We did our annual light drive and each of the kids got to give out their own award.  I must say that this was a much funner activity to do in Oregon because people were honestly shocked and amazed by strangers doing this.  We would get invited inside and the feeling we got from those strangers was really neat.  I miss that, but it was still fun to do it in our  new area.  

Layla chose a random house and the people weren't home.  She chose to leave it there instead of pick a different house.  Ellery chose the most adorable house in our neighborhood that we comment on every time we drive by, well, at least I do.  It is exactly how I would want to decorate my home on the outside if I were into such a thing.  They weren't home either.  

Let me tell you about McKay.  First of all, he was in his Star Wars pajama shirt.  Second, he must have just earned a charm at school because he dug out his big, long, charm necklace- where all his charms are dangling on the end- and insisted on wearing it.  And then his hair...I don't even know what was up with his hair this day.  He is really intent on growing it out (I've since found out his goal is a bowl cut) and I think I had given him a bad trim in an effort to help the growing process to not be so shaggy.  So his hair is just weird.  And I look at his picture and I think he looks like some guy who wears Star Wars t-shirts and wears charm necklaces and has a bad hair cut.  And I love it all the same.  Anyway, now that you can fully appreciate his appearance, I will tell you how we were driving around and around trying to find a house to grant his award to.  It was proving difficult, as decisions often do for this boy.  Finally, he saw it!  It was a house with one strip of solid green lights across the roofline.  One strip of lights on this house!  But he was certain that strip was award-worthy.  We knocked on the door, and sadly no one was home.  He decided to keep looking.  After what seemed like forever, we finally saw a home that was so decked out that there was no way we could ignore it.     

I had planned on taking the kids to see Santa at the mall to get a picture.  Somehow I ran out of time to go all the way down to the mall, so when I heard that the new outlet shops  had a Santa I was happy because I had to go there anyway to get a gift for Brian.  I planned on letting them visit Santa and snapping my own picture and calling it good.  It was freezing this day and I felt bad about dragging my kids around at an outdoor outlet mall, but we did it anyway.  The good news:  there was no line to see Santa.  The bad news:  I forgot my camera.  I weighed my options- and decided that my time was more valuable at that point and I just had to buy the picture they provided.  I would have felt fine about this had the picture been good.  But it's not my favorite picture.  McKay is embarrassed that his scarf is coming out of his coat in a misleading place.  Ellery is squinting because the sun was right in her face.  But that's okay.  It's our picture with Santa for 2012.

One of the reasons why this was important to me was because I started a new thing this year.  I have pictures of my kids with Santa starting with McKay's first Christmas.  And I do nothing with them.  I thought about displaying them in frames but realized that I don't have an available surface to devote to a bunch of frames.  Then I heard an idea that I knew would be perfect.  I glued each picture and a little card with the year on it into a different Christmas book that we have (and I usually get a new one every year) and that is where they will go from now on.  

We made gingerbread houses with the Matthews family.  This is probably the thing my kids get most excited about every year.  It's always good company and lots to snack on.  

snowflakes for sandy hook

It was a Friday afternoon.  Brian was off that day.  The older kids were at school and Layla was napping.  We were watching Ashlyn and she was eating lunch at the bar as Brian watched some History Channel show on tv.

I sat down at the computer to read the news.  The headline jumped out at me and I couldn't believe what I read.  26 dead at an elementary school.  An elementary school.  Connecticut.  Mother.  Teachers.  Children.  Children.  

I felt sick.  Tears began to flow as I continued reading about the tragic shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary.  I tried my best to hold it together in front of Ashlyn, and settled her on the couch with a blanket and a movie.  But as I turned on the tv upstairs to watch the news coverage I couldn't stop my tears.  I could not understand how someone could do such a terrible thing.  Innocent children's lives taken at a place where they were supposed to be safe.  I felt absolutely devastated at what those children and teachers had to endure during the last moments of their lives.  Thinking of those they left behind was almost worse.  How do you recover from something like that?  My heart was breaking for the families, the students who survived and the whole town.  But mostly for those kids.

It was a very somber weekend for me.  Amid the busy Christmas season- shopping, planning, anticipating, enjoying- were dozens of families who's lives had completely stopped and I thought of them often.  There was a point on Saturday night when Brian suggested we stop watching the  news coverage.  It was so heavy and so painful and would almost always bring tears.

The next Tuesday, one day before Christmas break started, McKay came home with an assignment to make a snowflake to send to Sandy Hook Elementary.  The idea was to have the school decorated with snowflakes- hundreds of them- for the returning students in January.

I don't know if that plan was realistic, or even possible, but at a time where people were desperate to help and do something, anything, we were happy to contribute.  I thought on this for several days- what could I do to help?  And I came up with only one thing: pray.  That was how my efforts to help would be most effective and appreciated.  So as a family and as individuals that's what we did.  We prayed.

thoughts on a sunday

My little craft crew.  While Ashlyn was over we made Christmas ornaments and it was a big hit.  Not the best faces in this pic, but I love it still.  

• On Wednesday we got a call from the school.  McKay had thrown up in class. . .on his desk.  Oh, my boy.  I was so worried that he would be completely embarrassed and horrified.  When Brian brought him home I was surprised that he really wasn't embarrassed at all.  He was more surprised and maybe a little fascinated.  When I found out that Heath had thrown up earlier in the day I could understand.  I'm glad if they both had to throw up at school, they did it one the same day.  Oh but his poor teacher!

• McKay told us that he had told his teacher three times that his tummy hurt and he felt sick.  She would tell him to get a drink, or go to the bathroom.  He told us that when he knew he was going to throw up he tried to get up and go to the bathroom, but it was just right there and he couldn't help it.  I'm not mad at his teacher for not listening to him, but do I feel bad that he threw up in the classroom?  Well, yes, but sometimes I'm tempted to not feel bad.  She told him that she'd believe him next time.

• What's weird about this is that McKay threw up Sunday night too.  He was totally fine Monday and Tuesday and then it happened again, but it was worse the second time.  Weird.  Hope he's done for a long while because I can only handle one chronic vomiter in my life.

• On both days that he was sick, he became obsessed with getting soda to drink.  I told him we could go get some Sprite, or maybe 7Up.  He had never heard of 7Up before and asked, "Can you only drink it if you're seven and up?"

• McKay had his "Service Project Recital," as we've decided to call it, tonight.  His teacher puts together their recital at a rest home and they play for the residents .  It was really sweet.  He did great.  Said he was nervous, but didn't miss a note.  I never took piano, or any music lessons, and so I was really proud and amazed at him getting up there in front of so many people.  He played Jingle Bells and Away in a Manger.  Afterwards, Grammy, Poppy, and Grandma got to come over for a visit and the kids were in heaven with the company.  

• Okay, one last thing about McKay.  I was doing a craft with the kids on the day he was sick.  He went over to lay on the couch and he looked over at me and said, "Mom, I just want to tell you something, but it may sound really odd.  I love you."  He now knows that saying that never sounds odd and I'll take it anytime.  What a sweetie.  

• McKay and Ellery were talking about favorite colors as they were coloring the other day. I didn't hear the first part of the conversation but I did hear McKay say, "Elle, you know in the olden days pink and purple were just girl colors and blue was just a boy color, but not anymore."

• Ellery's favorite color has actually changed to blue, so it's a good thing she's a girl in 2012.=

• Today Layla wanted to be twins with Ellery and have her hair in braids.  I did my best to do two french braids on her and when I was done I knew it looked really ugly.  Like not cute at all.  I tried to talk her into pig tails or something else, but she was not giving up those braids.  So she proudly wore them to church.  What can you do?

• Ellery had a very special, highly anticipated date with Grandma on Saturday.  They made a dress for her bear, Annie Jane.  McKay could hardly stay alive that day, he was so jealous, but he'll get his turn this week.  He kept saying, "I have to do it today!  I'm so busy all the other days.  It has to be today!"  

• We got to go to Eto's baptism today.  I can't really remember feeling the Spirit at a baptism.  That sounds bad to admit, and I'm sure I have, but I can't remember it.  Anyway, maybe it's because in less than a year my boy will be getting baptized, so I witnessed it in a more personal way, but when those three little kids went down into the water and came back up, I definitely felt the presence of the Spirit.  Just thinking about how young they are, how much they have ahead of them, and how much they will need and rely on the Gospel to get through their lives touched me.  They are just beginning and they started with such a righteous, necessary choice.  It made me grateful for my own baptism, for the gift I was given on that day 23 years ago, and for the opportunity I have to start over and be forgiven when I make mistakes.  

• The next few thoughts I had at the baptism was the great responsibility I have to teach my children.  Sometimes this seems so overwhelming. . .actually a lot of the time it seems that way.  We need to prepare them.  Teach them.  As I was listening this morning to the Mormon Channel, Elder Cook was talking about faith and fear and choosing to count our blessings and chose faith instead of fear in these troubling times.  It's a good reminder because fear can sneak into motherhood easily, I think.  

• Okay, onto one last thought that choosing faith just reminded me of.  Talking with a friend the other day, we discussed choosing happiness.  I then went on to share how I've decided that patience is similar to that.  I can choose to be patient.  It is my choice.  Lately, I have been more aware that I am in charge of my emotions and reactions, not the other way around.  I can choose happiness, patience, faith.  I don't just have to ride the roller coaster these feelings would put me on by themselves.  It's empowering to just stop and think about that sometimes.  I can choose to be patient with my kids.  I can choose to be grateful and happy and content.  

• Still with me?  I'm done with the deep thoughts, I promise.  

•  On a completely opposite note, I took Ellery and Layla to the library the other day.  I was so tempted to just leave Layla there, or squeeze her, or something worse.  She was SO bad.  Running around, yelling, laughing, pulling books off the shelves.  It was a library that we hadn't been to before and I was there to get books for McKay to read at night.  I couldn't find any librarians to help me, Layla was running around and I left with half the books I had intended to get and a very frazzled momma.  Forgot to choose patience that day, and even if I had I don't know what difference it would have made.  

• Layla is no longer allowed at the library, unless it's specifically for story time.     

• Ellery lost another tooth this week!  A couple weeks ago we discovered that a tooth was growing in behind the baby tooth.  It was alarming, but then I thought maybe it's normal.  Well, that baby tooth finally decided to come out, and we had one very excited girl around here.

• Ellery's been surprising us lately with her reading skills.  The other day she was coloring and started sounding out the word violet.  She read the word violet, no big deal.  She's been trying that with more and more words and she doesn't always get them right, but she's still impressive to me.  I think if I worked with her just a little she would get it pretty fast.  

Happy Sunday!

what november looked like

I bought this big bin at Walmart to put away our Halloween things, and it just so happens that this is exactly what it takes to make the girls be perfect at the grocery store.  I hardly heard a peep from them once they went in their fort.  

On the way home from taking Ellery to school.  I let this one out of the stroller on the way home and it took us three times as long, but we found these cool leaves and she was absolutely fascinated by the sewer.  I should let her walk more often, she loved it.

Snuggle buddies.  

Dr. Layla with a pig up her nose.

Two girls in laundry baskets, getting ready for a mid afternoon movie.

Braid aftermath.

McKay's teacher told him to write his name fancy on his Thanksgiving placemat.  Love this so much.

What morning looks like.

What morning means to this girl.  Not many things can cause such a joyous reaction as to the suggestion of cereal for breakfast.  Her very favorite thing.

Dinner.

Coloring outside naked.  Is that weird?

Farm country.  

thoughts on a sunday

• The kids have been insanely into drawing lately.  I brought home a little notebook that I had planned on keeping in my purse, but little miss Ellery found it and that was that- it was no longer mine.  Since she's had her hands on it, nearly every pages has been drawn on and many of those pages have been scattered around the house, shoved in little nooks and crannies or given to family members as love drawings.  She is so into drawing and coloring.  

• With all this drawing going on around here it's struck up some meaningful thoughts for me.  I look at McKay, for example- in school and for pleasure, he does a lot of drawing.  He has absolutely no fear of trying to draw something.  A cheetah, a tank, a dozen different kinds of monsters- they get an idea of what they want to draw and they just do it the best they can.  They don't worry about perfection or accuracy- they just go!  For some reason this has been very moving to me.  I love that they have the confidence in themselves to be so free with their abilities to transfer what's in their imaginations to paper.  I love looking at each detail of their artwork and knowing that they purposefully put that spike on the monster's head, or that flower on the my dress, just so.  

• Okay, enough deep thoughts about art.  In other news, Layla's moved on from coloring to cutting and will cut the edges of each page of a coloring book.  This will keep her busy for a crazy amount of time for a two year old.  All our coloring books have a nice fringe now.

• The other night at dinner: 
• McKay:  Me and Kylie broke up today.
• Me:  Broke up from what?
• McKay:  Friendship.  I don't know what I did.

• I've since heard that Kylie refuses to tell him what he did and so they've continued to play chase every recess with their friends, but now it's a not so friendly game of chase.  It's serious chase.

• I've heard that chasing is very big on playgrounds in kindergarten and first grade.  I sure hear a lot about it from my boy.  

• The other day Layla started saying "e course".  Sometimes she talks like a college student.  Today as I was breaking my fast upstairs, kneeling, she came up to me all alarmed and said, "Sawah!  What is going on here?!" and would not leave me alone until she found out.

• McKay in the car:  "Santa is like Jesus' second father."  We told him no.  "No.  No." he agreed, "He's like his third father."  Um, no.

• A couple weeks ago I was sick and lost my voice.  At one point during the day McKay looked at me and said, "Your voice sounds nicer but you're not being nicer."

• McKay is busy learning Christmas music in piano this month.  So far we've got Jingle Bells, We Wish You a Merry Christmas, and Away in a Manger.  He's doing great in piano and his teacher is just about the sweetest thing.  I can tell she really cares about him and can see that he is excited to see her every week.  We're excited for his non-recital recital next week.

• Ellery is taking a little dance class from one of the young women in the ward.  In fact, she's one of my beehives.  Elle loves it and it is just what we need.  It's a good introduction to dance without the expense.  I love seeing her show me all her moves that she learned.

• We went to Christmas Around the World at BYU yesterday.  Brian and I seriously questioned our own sanity when we realized that we were bringing our two year old to a paid production.  Don't really know why we got her a ticket in the first place, but she actually did okay for most of it.  We went to the matinee, which was a lot better for a two year old to attend.  The kids liked it a lot.  We've been trying to give them opportunities to experience the arts, and this was a perfect outing for us.

• We also went to the Festival of Trees earlier in the week.  I explained to the kids what all the trees were for- fundraising for Primary Children's- and that many of them were in honor of someone who had died.  They may  not have been ready for this.  We saw four beautiful trees that were in honor of a family of four who had died in a plane crash.  We were all feeling a bit sad about this sweet little family, but I think it changed McKay's life forever.  He's no longer flying on airplanes.  Ever.

• Brian and the kids went up to thunder mountain to find a Christmas tree.  It's been up for over a week now and we're loving it.  

• Both the kids got progress reports from school this week.  Ellery is doing awesome and her teacher told me that she wished she had a whole class full of Ellery's.  She said she is wonderful and so good.  Preschool has been great for that girl and she has made a lot of friends.  She says she doesn't, but I think she has a pretty big crush on Jack.  She talks about how funny he is almost every school day.  I'm glad we went with the school that we did- it's been perfect for her.

• McKay did excellent on his report card.  Highest marks in every single area except two- one of which was handwriting.  He's a lefty, so I'm totally okay with him being good and not excellent in that area.  :)  He's doing really well in school and his teacher also told me that he is a breath of fresh air and that he soaks up learning.  Proud of my two smarties!

• We are getting excited for the holidays around here.  I have been trying to think of a way that we can focus on Christ during this season, and I think I'm going to put together twelve days of service leading up to Christmas.  I think they will really love it and it will get us all thinking about others more.  I wish that I knew more ways to help them feel the true meaning of Christmas.  I'm still thinking.  

• In other news, we have broken out the chocolate advent calendars and I am just amazed every year at how much they love those.  I love easy traditions like that.

• I'm in the thick of getting the dollhouse I got at a garage sale last summer ready for the girls for Christmas.  Luckily this gift was always going to be from Brian and I, because a few nights ago as I was wallpapering the walls, McKay came down to the basement and caught me.  Naughty boy should have been in bed!  At least it wasn't for him, but I think he might die trying to keep it a secret.  I am really excited about how it's going and I can't wait to be finished with it.  It's been a big project.  

• Brian has been busy bagging up all the leaves in our yard.  I think he had seventeen bags total.  It was a lot of work and although we sure enjoy the beautiful trees in our yard, we sure look at them different now that we are the ones raking up leaves.  It's good to have a Fall season under our belts in this house though- we did it!  And we learned pretty fast that a leaf blower was the way to go, so it could have been a lot more miserable than it was.  

• We get to see this from our deck sometimes.  It always makes me happy.  

Happy Sunday!

when it snowed

The first snow of the year could not have been on a better day for us.  It was a Friday.  The snow had picked up enough in the afternoon that there was a good four inches to play in by the time McKay got home from school.  Elle had been waiting all day to go out and play in it, but I made her wait until he got home so I only had to do the snow clothes once, and so that they could all play in the freshly fallen snow at the same time.  By the time he got home, Elle had been dressed for half an hour.  He was ready to play and so we dug through the boxes of  snow clothes and everyone got dressed.

They had so much fun.  Layla was just crawling through the snow on all fours most of the time.  I don't get how little kids can just do that and not freeze, but she lasted about an hour before her little mitted hands were frozen and red.  We built a snowman, threw snowballs, made tracks and I broke in our new shovel.  It's been a loooong time since I've shoveled snow.

After they were done playing we went inside and had hot chocolate (we also had it with breakfast!) and had Aunt Glenda's sauce for dinner, which I had never made before.  The kids were super happy about that.

After dinner we cozied up on the couch, broke out the halloween candy, made popcorn and watched Mirror Mirror with the fire going.  It was a great end to a fun, snowy day.

We were sad that Brian had to work.  We missed him.  I know he would have loved to play outside with the kids.  Our neighborhood was just this beautiful winter wonderland as soon as school was out, there were kids playing outside all over the place.  It was, um. . .magical. . .if I were ever to use the word magical.

We may have enjoyed the first day of snow, but the second day I was ready for it to go.  I realized how high we are and how much more snow we are going to get.  And I'm just not ready for it to be cold like that.  After living away from the snow for a few years, I must admit I didn't miss it too much.  Oregon is pretty fun because when it snows, it's really fun and surprising, and then the next day it's gone.  I think they have the right idea.  However, I do realize that now I live on a mountain in a place where it will snow often, and there's nothing I can do about that, so I am trying to be good with it.  Remember how magical the first snow was?  Yes, I remember.

thoughts on a sunday

• Thursdays are usually days where I don't have anything.  Every other day I have school drop offs and pick ups and add a napping girl to that and I feel pretty stuck.  I have been feeling bad for my girls that we never go out and do anything fun, but also bad for McKay that if we were to go out and do anything fun, he would miss it.  I have realized that I just have to get over it and start doing things, because he got to do them when he was little, so my girls need that chance too.  So on Thursday, Jana planned a fun day for us.  We started out going to library story time- which I now feel awful that I haven't done here yet, because they loved it, especially Layla.  So that was a hit, and then we were temporarily insane and decided to take four children under five shopping.  We only got to one store, but we immediately got depressed and headed to Jana's for lunch.  Had a nice lunch there and then went to Farm Country.  Again, girls loved it.  I was beat by the time we got home, but I'm happy that my sis encouraged me to get out of my house (aside from the grocery store) and do some fun things.  I can do it!

• So this is why we got depressed.  We went jeans shopping.  I mean, who likes that anyway?  But we were searching for jeans that aren't skinnies, that aren't flares, that aren't straight-leg mom  jeans.  So what?  What is the answer to this?  There are none is the answer.  Sometimes I dont' want to wear skinnies.  There's got to be an in-between!  What is it!!!

• One day, about two weeks ago I got brave and decided it was the day I was going to cut Layla's souci.  I just did it without thinking of it too much.  We have been talking about doing it for awhile now.  She was shocked that it was "broken" and wanted to inspect it quite thoroughly.  After we talked about it for awhile we decided to throw it away and down she went for her nap.  Except she did not nap.  And she didn't nap the next day or the next day or the next. . .for a week.  And she was waking up an hour earlier than usual.  This did not make for a happy little girl...and an even unhappier momma.  After about a week I was sitting in her room and she was going through the toy basket.  She ran over to me and in the most excited voice said, "My pink souci!!!  I found my pink souci!!!"  It was then I realized that I wanted her to have that pink souci.  I decided that I'd put her down with her precious pink souci and see if she slept, and if she did, the souci was back.  She took a two and a half hour nap.  So, yeah, it's back.  And she's napping daily and we're both happier.

• I am smitten with Layla again.  I lost it the week that she didn't have her souci.  Now that it's back we're back in love.  Who knew that little piece of plastic was so very important.

• I surprised the kids and bought them slippers the other day.  They were both super excited about  this.  I figured that we've already had two days where its slipper day or pajama day at school, and one more coming up for McKay, so I thought, "why not?"  

• I think I've mentioned that my kids think air blowing is a real instrument/talent.  McKay used to be the only real air blower in the family, but lately Ellery is getting really into and is rivaling the original air blower.  I compliment them often on this skill.

• One of the things I've been loving lately is hearing Ellery sing songs that she's learned in preschool.  She learned all sorts of Halloween and Thanksgiving ones.  

• At school the other week Mckay's teacher sent home a turkey for them to color, as part of a coloring contest (improve your coloring, really).  He took this extremely serious and spent a whole afternoon coloring that turkey and all it's feathers.  He went with a BYU theme with colors of blue, white, gray, black and turquoise.  He was sure he was going to win because his teacher loves BYU, so naturally he would win.  Well, she had set up some voting system where the other teachers voted.  He didn't win, but he did get some votes and by what he described he was fourth.  He was cute and said that he was going to tell the winners congraulations if he didn't win.  When I asked him about this he said, "Yeah, I told them all, except Leah.  I'm going to tell Leah congratulations tomorrow."

• McKay and his friends at recess have started making the honking signal at cars that drive by the school.  He usually reports how many honks they get after school.  The highest I've heard is 14.
• 
  
• We made a thankful tree for family night.  I cut out most of the leaves and the kids got right to work with what they are thankful for.  I thought I might have to help Ellery, but she immeditately started drawing pictures of the things she was grateful for.  For some reason I was really impressed and proud of this.  Layla was coloring a picture while we were doing this so I asked her what she was thankful for.  The only two responses I could get were, "a light moon" and a skateboard.  McKay did great writing his own down and thinking of all sorts of things.

• The other morning I was wearing one of my t-shirts that I wear as pajamas.  McKay looked at my shirt and said, "Mom, I really like your shirt.  You should wear it, like with makeup and stuff."

• On Tuesday McKay and  I had a fairly large squabble in the morning over going to school.  He woke up feeling sick and I told him I'd watch him in the morning, give him medicine and see how he did.  He got the bug in his head that he wanted to stay home so we had quite the disagreement over this.  He was not sick, although I'm sure he felt it upon waking up.  But you know how you can be sick when you wake up and then it goes away?  That's what happened.  I won't go into all the details, but I sure hope that after what happened on Tuesday morning none of my kids will ever try to fake sick again.  It was pretty major.  I felt like it was a parenting milestone I wasn't quite ready to tackle- I mean, he's only in first grade.  We established some rules about staying home and after a nice heart-to-heart, we made up and he was only an hour late for school.  I know that's not the only time it's going to happen, but now I feel more prepared for when it does.  

• I wasn't really expecting to have a second go of it on Friday, when he was actually really sick.  But it's easier when they really are sick.  He actually took a nap on Friday, which he hasn't done since 2007.  

• I think I now have whatever he has, and I wonder if Layla has a bit of it too.  And Brian had a nasty bug last week.  I hope we all get healthy again soon.

• Ellery's had two episodes of throwing up in the last week or so, and it seems like her medicine isn't really working, although it's making her episodes different than they usually are.  

• Brian and I got to go out on a date last night.  We went to dinner and then to do sealings with his family at the Provo temple.  It was a fun night and I really love when we have the chance to get out.  My parents were very sweet and came over to our house to watch the kids.  My kids were SO excited that they were coming- Ellery started bugging me about it at nine in the morning.  "Are they coming yet?"  "No Elle, not for five hours."  "So if I count to five- one, two, three, four, five- then they'll be here?"  "No Elle, it's five hours.  It doesn't work like that."  Then we repeated that conversation many, many times throughout the day.  

• McKay: "Mom, I was thinking the other day if I had to kiss one of the first grade teachers, which one I would choose.  It would be Miss Squire. . .if I HAD to."

• Layla has a new word:  Seriously.  "Dad, I need some cheddar bunnies, seriously."

• Another thing Layla told Brian when he got her out from her nap the other day was, "I have poo poo.  It's like a diamond. . .in the sky."

Ellery named our car Rachel awhile ago.  I kind of love when we refer to the car as Rachel.  

• Another from McKay:  "Mom, I want to be fat when I grow up."  I explain that he doesn't want this- there are many unpleasant and hard things about being fat.  "Okay, well not fat then.  I'd like to have Poppy's body.  Yeah, Poppy's body and dad's beard and really black hair!  That's what I want to look like when I grow up."

Happy Sunday!

a first grader

It's been about a month since I started feeling a little pit in my stomach.  You know, like when something is hanging on you and you don't quite know what it is.

It's been a couple weeks now since I figured out what it was.  And each day that has passed since then I have known that soon I would have to write about it to let it out in an attempt to feel a bit of freedom from the feeling.  I knew I would have to let my thoughts spill onto this page as a way of understanding them further and keep them from building too big inside my head.




McKay is in first grade.


This is not a horrible thing.




It's just, well, I guess I thought that since the first couple months of school were fairly easy to get used to and the big adjustment to spending six and a half hours at school really didn't seem all that much like  an adjustment, we were in the clear.

We're not.  The adjustment was late.  It snuck up on us and hit sometime in October.

And we're still going through it.

Six and a half hours at school.  McKay reminds me of this often.  He has a sense of pride and of dread at the fact that he is at school for six and a half hours a day.  People told me he would be really tired at first.  He wasn't.  I kept waiting for him to fall asleep in the car, or crash on the couch, yawn a bunch or at the very least fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Nope.  Didn't happen.  None of it.

But after we started seeing him break down about little things time and time again I wondered if it was all catching up to him.  He is not generally a crier.  Or wasn't, I should say.  Now it seems like he falls apart every time he is disappointed or told no.  Several times Brian and I have looked at each other thinking, "Where did this come from?  Who is this?"

I have now come to the conclusion that this is his form of adjusting to first grade.  This is what he's going through and how it's presenting itself.  We try so hard to be patient, but it's hard to do it every time.  He is going through something that none of us really understand, but we're just trying our best to get through it.  He's not horrible.  He's such a good boy.  He's just not himself lately.  Crying and throwing little fits about little things is not him.  We really don't know how to handle this sudden change in our boy.  I feel sad for him because I know it must be hard to be getting used to this new life he has now.  



With the extra worrying I've been doing about him and what he's going through, it's come to me that I am mourning a little bit.  Mourning the loss of my little boy.  He's getting so big.  He's still sweet and good and innocent, but he is seven.  And seven is not the same as three or even five.  Seven is so far from five I cannot believe it sometimes.  Seven worries sometimes about what other people might think of him.  Seven spends all day with people I don't know and kids I don't get to monitor.  Seven is independent.  Seven gets embarrassed more.  Seven is enthusiastic and has homework and due dates.  Seven learns things that I didn't teach him.  Seven is starting to understand social cues and takes note of social situations.  Seven is older. 

I'm mourning the loss of having my kids home with me most of the time and having the freedom to explore and learn here at home, plus to go wherever we wanted during the day.  Now we have drop off times and pick up times to dictate our schedule.  I kind of hate that sometimes.

I'm mourning the loss of his free time.  Six and a half hours a day.  That means he gets home at quarter to four and that is an hour and a half until dinner time.  That is him missing going to library story time with us (not that we do that, but if we wanted to:) or going to Grammy's or playing with cousins or going to the park during the day.  I almost feel like we shouldn't do anything too big or too fun while he is at school because I feel sad that he'll miss it.  Sometimes I marvel that he doesn't say more about the dramatic loss of fun time in his life.  He's mentioned it here and there, but thankfully he is still mostly excited about being at school.  I'm glad that is still mostly fun for him.  

So. . . I have no major conclusion to these rambling thoughts.  Only that I think we'll get through it.

An adjustment never lasts forever.

this is halloween

Started the day off at Mack's school parade.  Cutest little viking I ever saw.  I'm sure he was super hot all day, but I do know he lost the beard once the parade was over.  I don't blame him.

The gross Spooky Dinner that almost ruined my Halloween.  Learned a lot from this gross meal, including keeping dinner easy on Halloween.  Pizza maybe?  This meal put me in such a bad mood, but I finally just had to tell myself that it was Halloween for my kids and they didn't care about the failed meal. . .because it was Halloween!  I had to get over it and just enjoy the night.  And I did!

The group:  SWAT team member Max (neighbor), beautiful bride, Spidey, Viking, a little kiss and Minnie. 

 The Viking

The Bride

  

Minnie Mouse

(who occasionally confused herself with Mickey or a kitty)

Off they go!  

It was such a great night for trick-or-treating.  Because of the perfect weather, everyone was out in the neighborhood sitting on their porches passing out candy.  It was like a huge block party!  I bought way too much candy, and I was surprised when Brian and the older kids came home a little after eight.  The kids had just decided they were done and wanted to head home.  Not huge candy piles, but that's totally fine with me.  They had a blast and it was a great day for these two.  Layla?  She was a bit of a handful out on the streets.  She couldn't keep up but wanted to do it by herself.  She had a bit of a meltdown when I took her home, saying, "SERIOUSLY!  I want to go to trick-or-treating!!!"  Seriously, it was time for bed.