Itty bitty flowers picked on the way home from church by me and my little Ellie girl.
There is so much to say, yet I can't really find the words. My lack of writing has caused my mind to cloud over and the words, inspiration and energy to write don't come easily to me these days. I have so many things I want to record here, but because of that cloud, I am very behind.
Thursday I was in a bookstore. I noticed Stephanie Nielsen's (nienie's) new book was on display. I picked it up out of curiosity and thumbed through the pages. In the middle of the book I read about her explaining to her mom how she had been with her grandmother who had passed away when she was a little girl. I found the few paragraphs I read fascinating, and for that little glimpse of the book alone, I decided to buy it and read it.
I have finished the book now. Obviously I have been reading quite a bit. I am not a huge fan of her blog. It's okay, but it's never been my favorite. I definitely am not a daily, or even weekly reader. I initially wanted to read her book because I was curious about her accident, her recovery, her life. I knew there would be interesting details. And there was. But I didn't expect to be so inspired by what I read.
It has made me think a lot about trials. We all have them. Stephanie Nielsen had to endure such a horrendous and painful trial, both physically and emotionally. The descriptions of that pain- in her body, in her guilt, in her lack of confidence as a mother, and in reconnecting with her children- was heartbreaking, amazing and inspiring to me.
It made me think of my trials. How have I handled them? Have I done it with maturity and grace? Have I learned all that I was intended to learn from them? How will I handle my future, which surely has various trials scattered along the way? I think back to some of the difficult experiences I've had and I know that some have refined me and made me stronger, better, wiser. Some, I am still working on gaining those attributes from, but I have a new resolve to do better.
It made me think about being a mother. She revels in her role as a mother and it made me remember what a gift it is to take care of these children of mine, everyday. There are many distractions that pull me away from that focus, but it is a role I truly cherish and something I need to remember daily, even when it's hard. Especially when it's hard. It made me want to really be present for my three. I am so lucky to be their mother.
Family is everything. I know that always, but sometimes it feels good to know it a little bit stronger. We are so blessed to belong to a family. I am so lucky to have mine. My whole, big family too. All of them.
So, um, I guess what I'm saying is it's a good book.
It's funny, I had absolutely no intention to write about this. I was going to talk about how we are house hunting (and put in an offer tonight!) and how Brian started his new job this week. But this post just kind of happened. So there you go.