a little reflective on a sunday

{little david, grandma doris, paul}

I am still at my parents house. Still missing my Bri, but enjoying this time to just relax and spend time with family.

Tonight my dad and I had an interesting discussion about his childhood. It started when he was telling me about his favorite uncle Will. I then expressed how weird it was to me that he had this whole family before he had us. The only people from my dad's side of the family I have met are my grandma, my uncle (his only sibling) and my one cousin. Yes, I have just one cousin. Hi Amanda! Anyway, there is obviously a whole group of people back in Pennsylvania that are or were in my dad's life and how weird is that to think about? Who are those people?

We then started talking about how simple life was when he was growing up. There are so many things about that time period that I envy. The simplicity. The safety. The traditions. But mostly the simplicity.

My dad's favorite part of Christmas was not the presents or Santa Claus, it was Christmas candy and homemade cookies. Candy and cookies! He got underwear and socks for Christmas and maybe one toy. They were poor. So the excitement of Christmas was about the treats. Fruitcake even. He said there was never any candy in their house, except for at Christmastime. And his mother never made cookies, except for a very special occasion, like Christmas. How many times a week do my kids have candy? How often do we make or buy cookies? And sure my kids get excited about treats, but I would hardly say it overpowers the piles of presents they accumulate during birthdays and Christmas. I love the idea of having candy be so special to a child. So rare. I get sad thinking about the instant gratification that we all are so used to. For most of the people I know, myself included, it is uncommon to want for something material for long.

I think about the stories my dad would tell us about when he was a little boy. He was always outside playing. Active in every sport. He and his brother had outside adventures and got into innocent trouble, like staying out too late, or being filthy dirty when they came home. I think back to when I was a little girl and I remember rollerblading everywhere, climbing trees, playing night games and building forts. Outside. I want to live in a place where my children can have outside adventures. I want to live in a time where my children can have outside adventures.

Our conversation then moved on to the security and safety of that time. I learned that Genie couldn't show her navel on tv, and Lucy and Desi slept in two twin beds with a night stand between them as not to suggest that they would actually sleep in the same bed. That you couldn't say the word pregnant on television and swearing was unheard of on the air. That Godzilla's special effects wowed my dad and all his friends and the famous shower scene in psycho was absolutely mind blowing to the teens of that time. What is on tv now? What are we watching? Crime, language, violence, sex. They are everywhere. Right now they are everywhere. What is it going to be like when my kids are grown? What will they have to filter out of their lives?

I am not saying that I don't appreciate this time that I'm living in. Of course I do. And I am learning not to fear this wicked world that we live in because I know I don't need to be afraid of it. But I picture my cute dad growing up and I just want to be excited about something as simple as cookies. That's all.

it's been one week

one week (and one day) since my dad booked me and the kids a flight for february 16th

one week since jana's water started leaking (tmi?)

since my dad talked delta into switching our flights ("you do it for funerals. a birth is the same thing, just the other end." love it.)

since my dad called me and said i had three hours to catch a flight.

since i don't even know what i threw into our bags. not enough shirts for me, and no socks at all for ellery.

since our car wouldn't start because mckay left a light on over night.

since i felt guilty about canceling my visiting teaching appointment.

since we said goodbye to brian at the airport.

since mckay took his first airplane ride.

since i sat by a large blind man who could not see what space was his and what was mine.

since we got caught in a major snow storm while driving home from the airport.

since i lied to jana on the phone about where i was.

since i dropped my kids off to my wonderful in-laws and headed to the hospital.

since i walked into jana's room and surprised her.

since she cried.

since we all stayed up until five in the morning waiting.

since my sweet little nephew, who we are pretty sure is named carson, arrived FOUR weeks early.

it's been one week since i had one of the craziest, funnest days in a long time.

thanks dad.

oh, and it's also been one week since brian has turned into a lonely couch potato. i really, really miss that couch potato. a lot.

when mckay feels creative. . .

you never know what's going to come out of it.

Brian says Axl Rose. I say, "Lets get physical, physical!"

thoughts on a sunday

• Lindy and Alex are engaged!!! We are so excited for them. We really like Alex, he fits into the family perfectly. I am excited to see the type of wedding that this girl comes up with. Can't wait for April 2nd!

• There are a few reasons why I haven't been blogging. One, is that we were asked to speak today in church so I've been busy working on that. And two is that I have so many things from Christmas to post about and I don't feel like it. So I'm just going to continue on and post about Christmas stuff and our trip to Utah when I do feel like it.

• So yeah, we spoke in church today. Our church was at two o'clock! Today was the longest day ever. But I'm glad it's over. Surprisingly I didn't have as much anxiety about it as I have in the past. I was still nervous, but it really wasn't that bad and I didn't even have my nervous voice. I was very happy about that.

• The kids sat with my friend Mailee and her family. They were really good and it was fun to see them perk up when I started talking. Mailee told me after that she and her husband almost lost it with the giggles when Ellery started singing "If you like it then you should have put a ring on it," during the meeting.

• My kids have been singing Beatles songs since we got home from Utah. McKay's favorite: Hello, Goodbye. Ellery's favorite: Eight Days a Week. They both love: Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds and Yellow Submarine. Why the Beatles? We played Beatles Rock Band a lot at Brian's parents house and the tunes just stuck in their heads I guess. It's kind of adorable to hear Ellery sing, "Hold me, love me. Hold me, love me." Did you know you can't buy Beatles songs on itunes? You can't.

• I just wanted to say that I am annoyed with Blu Ray. What is it? I hate it. I am annoyed that our whole collection of dvds will be outdated because of it. So it goes with technology, I guess.

• Last week I mentioned my new snuggie. I am enjoying it- those arms!- but someone else is enjoying it even more. One night McKay said, "Can I sleep with your snug?" and guess who thought he'd died and gone to heaven? It seemed as if he slept the whole night with a smile on his face while drowning in pink fabric. It's a special treat to sleep with "the snug".

• Another tune McKay has been singing- since we heard it playing in Chuck E. Cheese over and over and over on New Years Eve- is the dradle song. Except he sings, "Dradle, dradle, dradle, the dad and the dradle." I LOVE hearing him sing this. He has no idea what he's saying but it seems to get stuck in his head a lot.

• Brian is in a new semester which means a new schedule, and it's pretty great. He has Fridays off and even some Mondays. And he doesn't have to go super early every day.

• Tonight as McKay was saying his prayers I reminded him to pray for Brian's cousin's little girl who is sick with pneumonia. He prayed for little Piper, and then decided to reach a little farther with his prayer for the sick and said, "and please bless all the people in the world, even the ones who speak Spanish, that they won't get sick ever." I don't even know what to say.

Happy Sunday!

it's about christmas

Christmas Eve:

Lisa and Trevor graciously host

delicious dinner

adorable performances from sweet children

singing carols

absolutely my favorite picture of the holidays, just minutes before my all time favorite Christmas moment. during the program mckay went up to lisa and told her he had four songs prepared. wait, what? We planned on nothing. I talked him down to two songs: Angels We Have Heard on High, and You Better Watch Out (a duet with Elle). he sang Angels We Have Heard on High with just a little guidance from me, unrehearsed and completely beautiful. he was like a sweet little choir boy. it melted my heart. just melted it right there.

the kids went to bed so easily. mckay was so ready, especially since getting confused on christmas eve morning- thinking that's when santa comes. he had to do the night before christmas sleep two nights in a row, poor boy.

Christmas Morning:

baby stuff

pirate ship

homemade jammies

lots of playing

santa's spread. he did pretty good for a sparse year.

baby kate got spoiled. the little mother wouldn't put her new diaper bag down as she opened all the rest of her gifts.

grandma got him this garbage truck. it's like a real garbage truck. he was picking up little piles of garbage for days. very fun toy.

reindeer food was a big hit

Christmas Day:

Grammy and Poppy's

piles of presents

piles of food

mom and dad spoil us

wonderful company

i was not very good at taking pictures. just didn't focus on it as much as i usually do. i like this one, although i know my mom won't like her face. i think it's cute. dad got a new penn state hat and lots of books.

Christmas Night:

another fancy dinner

loved the program

did some marching

and dancing too

of course the nativity

adorable children

second favorite picture of the holidays. wish it wasn't blurry. oh jaynie.

we sang. i got kinda nervous. i don't sing in front of others. ellery is dressed up as half of cinderella- a gift from grammy. she wouldn't take it off.

only some of the cast.

Overall we had a wonderful couple days celebrating Christmas with our family. We are so happy that we were able to be there for so long and spend so much time with those we love the most.

stay tuned for more Christmas season goodness. . .

thoughts on a sunday

• We're back! We feel so happy to be home and so sad to have left, both at the same time. We had a wonderful three weeks in Utah with our families. I miss them already.

• Out of the four of us, I am probably the worst traveler. McKay was perfect, Brian is a rock in the drivers seat, and then there's me and Elle. She is just two, and a fourteen hour drive is a lot to ask of a two year old. So that kind of gives her an excuse for having her moments, but I'm much older than that. It's really hard for me to stay still.

• When we got home last night McKay was walking around our house with wonder in his voice as if he'd been away for five years. "Oh, and here's the laundry room. And here's our bathroom!"

• When we walked into the house it smelled like it did when we looked at it for the first time back in August. It made me feel weird. It wasn't a bad smell, but I'm glad we're back to put our own scent in here again.

• I asked for a Snuggie for Christmas. It wasn't to be funny or anything. I really wanted one. Brian convinced me that he would never buy a Snuggie and so I was so pleasantly surprised on Christmas morning. It is the color of pepto bismol and it's wonderful. Doesn't Brian look good snuggling in it? Our downstairs is so drafty and I am so freezing here so you can just picture me rocking my pink Snuggie every night on the couch. The Snuggie ended up being quite a popular gift on my side of the family, so you can actually picture most of us in them.

• So far it looks like when church starts are two 'o clock that means that you don't start getting ready until noon. Gross and wonderful. We're implementing mandatory crock pot Sundays starting next week and wondering when we're going to fit in our family movie.

• Brian starts a new clinical rotation tomorrow. He will be learning from a CRNA in a real operating room with real surgeries and real people being anesthetized. It's getting real! I hope he really likes it.

• I had a break from all electronics while I was gone. Well, almost the whole time. And guess what? I kind of loved it. It made me want to re-evaluate my time on the computer. I really love blogging- I do. I love capturing the moments of our life and I love sharing those moments (and thoughts) with people who care. It's really important to me to keep doing this for my own personal purposes. But the tricky part comes when I waste so much time on unimportant things. Like blogs of people I don't know. Why do I do that? And why do I feel a need to get on the computer and check on things everyday? It will be there the next day, or week, or whatever.

• Brian and I got fat while we were in Utah. We are both disgusted by it. My parents gave us a blend tech for Christmas and we are planning on drinking green drinks daily and I know that will help. I am going to need big pep talks before grocery shopping about not buying treats. . .but I think I'm in trouble because I have not been able to stop thinking about the cookies from Safeway since we at them on our way out of Oregon three weeks ago. Maybe if I just get those and that's it?! They are SO delicious!

• Every year I am amazed at how we fit a car load of new things into our life. Since we got home last night we haven't really unpacked any of the new stuff we got and it is littering the house and driving me crazy. I have a busy week ahead of me between the giant pile of laundry, cleaning the neglected house, putting away our Christmas decorations and finding a place for all our new stuff.

Happy Sunday!

starting now

It's 2010. I am happy to say goodbye to 2009 and ready for a new year. This last year has been- what's the right word? - interesting. That's not it, but I can't come up with it right now. It has been so wonderful. It has been so challenging. There are been wonderful results from some of those challenges, and some results we are still looking/hoping for. Isn't that life though?

My thoughts for this new year are pretty simple: Try a little harder to be a little better. No one says it better than President Hinckley.

Sometimes as a wife and mother I feel so stretched. There are always things to do better and always a long list of things to work on or change. Sometimes my mind races a million miles a minute and my body can't keep up. And that wears on me. Am I teaching my kids to floss? Am I reading my scriptures everyday? How come I am not a wonderful cook for my family? I need to start exercising. My closet needs to be organized. Are my kids eating enough vegetables. How can I stretch our budget? I need to do this, I need to do that? How am I doing at this?- I could go on and on. It's exhausting really.

So often I am disappointed in the actions that actually make their way out of these thoughts. Or lack of action I should say. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in thinking about things that I don't have the energy left to actually do any of them. So that is my goal. Try a little harder to be a little better, and I guess I could lay off some thinking as well. Less thinking, more doing. When I express these feelings of being overwhelmed and feeling inadequate Brian always tells me to only choose one thing to focus on, instead of flooding my mind with my big list. I guess I'll give that a try too. Oh if I could only think as simply as he does sometimes! It really can be as simple as trying a little harder. At least that's my hope, but now I don't want to analyze that too much now do I? Just gonna do it.

Here's to trying harder in 2010!