Scariest day so far

I have so many things to post about. So many little trips and happenings in our family. I feel behind here. But all that will have to wait. You see, last night I went to bed without washing my face. I was so exhausted and fell asleep snuggling a crying baby and I just didn't care enough to get up and wash my makeup off. I don't think in all our five years of marriage Brian has ever seen me not wash my face at night. I do it every night. But after going through the scariest day so far, and trying to catch up and throw a birthday party after that, I was tired. Just really, really tired.

So what was this scary day? On Tuesday afternoon my little Ellery had a seizure. Well, she either had three seizures, or one long one, depending on how you want to look at it. I went into her room to wake her up so we could get ready to go to the dinosaur museum with Katie and her kids. Elle sat up in her crib as McKay climbed in to play with her while I was getting things ready. The next time I looked at them Ellery was laying on her side at McKay's feet, very obviously having a seizure.

Thank goodness Brian was home because I called him right in and I was excused from being the "medical parent" which I am not at all good at being. It was then I began to be the hysterical parent, which I do just fine. Ellery was still seizing and her lips and hands were blue. I wanted to call 911, but Brian was doing "medical things" to her and so I waited for instructions from him. We're guessing the seizure only lasted about a minute, but every time Brian would pick her up, to take her out of the crib, or to take her to the car to go to the doctor, she had another seizure. I called 911 and Ellery just laid on the floor moaning with her eyes closed. I have never been more scared in my life and as I was waiting on the phone with the dispatcher I could not believe that I was calling the paramedics for my ten month old baby. It was strange that this was actually happening to us.

The paramedics came and assessed her. They checked some more "medical things" and I tried my hardest to calm down, on account of my three year old who was witnessing all of this. A shaking sister, a frantic, crying mother, and six grown men in full uniform in your house is unsettling, to say the least. McKay didn't know if he was supposed to laugh, cry, or get excited about what was going on. He did a little of each. They told us that she needed to go to the emergency room and that they could take her or we could. We opted to take her ourselves.

I can't even begin to write about our day in the ER. I will have to condense majorly, because we were there for eight and a half hours. It was a very long, scary, and worrisome process.

Brian's dad came down and they gave Ellery a blessing. I was really overwhelmed with the power of the priesthood as I watched Brian's dad silently walk in the room and wait for the nurse to leave before they gave her a blessing. I just really felt the power they had as they were waiting for the chance to give it to her. I feel really grateful for that blessing and feel that Elle's outcome was a result of it.

Snoozing between tests. Don't look at my dirty heel, please.

They tested Ellery for everything that they thought could have caused a seizure- CT scan, blood work, and a spinal tap. It was so hard to see our baby going through such traumatic procedures. Basically every test they ran came back negative. They couldn't find a cause for the seizures, which was scary and very frustrating. Elle was a trooper though. She mostly just laid in our arms and slept between pokes and probes.

Recovering from the spinal tap. Loopy and sweet and very happy to see her daddy.

At about hour four I suddenly realized that Brian would have to quit his job and just watch Ellery with me all the time. We would have to sleep by her and watch her every second. We would have to buy a little mattress to put by her crib. And I couldn't' drive anywhere with her because what if she had another one in the car. Would I see it? Would I know? I also decided that I could no longer nurse her because if it happened during that I might not ever recover- emotionally or physically. I was pretty sure I would have to worry about her having another one for at least a year. . .maybe longer.

After about six hours in the ER, Brian felt her and noticed she was warm. He took her temp and it was 103. The doctor didn't really know what to make of this, but after conferring with her pediatrician they thought that it may be a febrile seizure (from a fever) but that the seizure came before the fever, when usually it's the other way around. So this was good news because that is the best cause for a seizure because they are usually isolated incidents and won't happen again. We were relieved to get to go home but also unsure of just what would happen. I was also very relieved because I had a Lion King party to throw the next day, and I really wanted to be with my little boy on his birthday.

We saw her pediatrician the next morning after an uneventful night. . .well. . .uneventful if the mother of all breakdowns once the kids were in bed doesn't count. After hearing the complete story and checking her out he was fairly sure that the seizure was caused by the fever, but he was concerned about why she had a fever. They could find no source for the fever. He decided that we'd just say it was from her runny nose/cold and watch her really closely. He also talked to me about the likelihood of her having another one, which was small, and also told me that if she did it would probably be in the next few days. Cancel the mattress, and Brian doesn't have to quit his job. Whew! Now I feel more prepared if she does have another one, and although it would be scary, I feel like we could handle it if we had to.

After her appointment we scrambled around and received help from my mother-in-law to complete party preparations, and we were able to enjoy a fun, busy day with our little birthday boy. Ellery was pretty tired and wanted to be held a lot, but we were happy to do it.

I am so relieved and happy that she is okay. I was more scared than I have ever been. There is nothing like seeing your baby like that. Nothing. Today I am able to think about it without getting teary, but it's taken three days. I am so grateful for the prayers that were offered on her behalf. I really felt them. I know that our whole family and many of our friends were praying for her, and it was really neat to be the recipients of that. I know that they made a difference.

And now today. Today it took us until three o'clock to get ready for the day because we just gave ourselves the day to do nothing. It felt good. We felt like we needed to get out and do something so we went to a park and played and then treated ourselves to dinner. I feel rested and although I'm still pretty jumpy and paranoid about any little movement Ellery makes, I'm better than I was. And she's for the most part better. And when McKay isn't retelling the story of what happened, he's better. And Brian? Well, he was pretty cool and collected all along, so he's just the same. And now I'm off to wash my face.