thoughts on a sunday

Right now I just have one thought. I'm moving. I'm moving in less than a month. I've been thinking about what I wanted to write in this post. I could try to present myself really upbeat and say that I'm all excited and can't wait for the adventures my little family and I have ahead of us in Oregon. I could pretend that it was all happy and no stress. And while some of that is true- I am excited- I am still Sarah. And Sarah struggles a bit with change. And saying this change is huge for me is an understatement. I know it will be good for us. I know it will be fun. I know it is good to make final progress towards a goal we have had for a long time. But it's still hard.

A couple days ago we returned from house hunting in Portland. Words that come to mind in describing that experience are emotional, exhausting, stressful, exciting, panicked, and guided. But the best word I can use to describe it is real. This is really happening. We are moving. We are leaving. We won't be here anymore. We won't be in this little house that we've loved so much. We won't be a fifteen minute drive from almost all family members anymore. We won't be here for Ellery's birthday or for Thanksgiving. Up until this point I have not been sad about leaving. I've been excited and anxious, not sad. I knew the sadness would come eventually- I kept waiting for it. But it took actually going to this place I had never been that will now be my home to make those feelings show up.

I didn't want to write this to be depressing or dramatic, it's just the way I feel right now. It has been an extremely emotional week for me and I'd rather be honest than pretend I have it all together and everything is perfect. But, after all of that is said, I can't deny the feelings of gratitude I have for this opportunity. Or for the man I call my husband who is doing yet another amazing thing. And when I came home from Portland, missing my babies and hugging them in my arms after being away for three days I had just one thought, "Thank goodness I can take them with me." We can do it.