missing

We're all starting to feel the effect of this guy being gone.
It's been a week and a half since he left again.
I knew it would be harder for the kids without him once we got back to normal life.
It is harder.

Ellery is probably struggling the most.
She cries a lot.  And whines.  And asks about him everyday.
For some reason, she's also lost the ability to do just about anything by herself
Going potty, getting in the car, getting her jammies on or off,
Did I mention going potty?
I can't help but think that is all due to her little mind being confused as to why he's not here.
They kind of really love each other, those two.

McKay has his moments when he misses his dad.
I have a lot of guilt because we are having gorgeous weather
And I know if Brian were here those two would be playing soccer or baseball outside every night.
But I can't do that.  I just can't right now.
His sadness mostly comes at night, around bedtime.
It's either a good excuse to keep me in his room longer,
or at the end of the day that's where his mind goes.  I don't know.

It's hard being a single mom.
I have a list of errands I need to run that's a mile long.
But between preschool, kindergaren, naps and bedtime,
There really is just no way.
And like I mentioned, the guilt.
I wish I could be doing more.  I feel bad about not doing more.
But then, I'm doing a lot.  I have to keep reminding myself that.
I am so tired at the end of the day, I can't even believe it.
My head hits the pillow and I am asleep.
Which is good because then my mind has no time to wander and get sad.

I miss him.
Two weeks and two days to go. . .