thoughts on a sunday (a very lengthy version)

• So much to cover this week- I was tempted not to blog, but then in Sunday School today we talked about family history and journal writing was discussed.  I don't have a lot of guilt when it comes to journal writing because of my blog, but it did reaffirm how important I think this is and how I want to keep doing it.  Sometimes I wonder why this is so important to me.  I want my children to know me.  I think it would be really neat to have this persecutive from my mom- to be able to read how she felt about raising me and what I was doing- like the little things that everyone forgets.  I don't have any of that.  I want that for my kids, and their kids and whoever's kids.  Along with that, I don't want to forget this time.  I know how fast life goes- faster every year I'm in it- and this time with my little ones is fleeting and precious and I have to remember it.  I have to.

• Okay, so today was our ward's primary program.  McKay's part was: "My favorite creation on the earth is animals."  So he's eight and can read.  Ellery's part was: "Joseph Smith received the Priesthood and all its keys to establish the church exactly the way Christ did when he was on the earth."  She memorized that whole thing!  It was awesome.  I thought she might be really timid at the microphone but she wasn't.  She remembered and said the whole thing and did great.  

• McKay was asked to play prelude music before the program.  He practiced for a whole month "I Am a Child of God".  He did awesome and I was so proud of him.  He said he was nervous but I think it was such a great experience for him.  He got a cookie for doing it, so- totally worth it.

• This week was Red Ribbon week at school.  Crazy Hair Day is pretty much the most important day of the week.  I totally underestimated how long these hairdos would take me and was putting little pony tails and buns in while they ate breakfast.  Somehow we still managed to walk to school and be on time.  Ellery did not want to walk, and I realized it was because she was embarrassed of her hair.  I told her she could wear my hood and if she felt uncomfortable she could come home and undo her hair.  Of course there were all sorts of crazies walking to school, so she felt comfortable pretty quick and was happy with her do.  She did take it right out after school.  McKay won best boy hair in his class.  Not bad!

• We picked out our pumpkins yesterday.  I feel bad that we waited so long because they were really picked over.  We had to go to two places just to get pumpkins with stems on them.  That is a thing for me- I learned this weekend- pumpkins really need stems.  Layla's only request was that she got a little one.  They didn't have very many little ones, but we did the best we could.

• We carved them tonight and it was really fun.  Sometimes keeping up traditions like carving pumpkins can be stressful and chaotic.  Today was not that way at all.  We had such a good time scraping them out- all the kids really got in there!  They each dictated what they wanted their pumpkin's features to be and Brian and I did our best to create them.  Layla wanted Ariel who was sad, Ellery wanted a scary one and McKay went for a goofy look.  We lit the pumpkins outside and roasted the seeds.  No one cried, no one whined, no one cut a finger off.  Everything just worked tonight.

• I've been doing Zumba with a group of ladies from my neighborhood twice a week since Spring of this year.  We have fun, most of us can't dance at all- especially me- but we keep moving and that's what matters.  Our instructor Trish, planned a neon, glow-in-the-dark zumba party on Saturday afternoon and it was so fun!  We wore neon and white and did zumba in the dark with black lights and glowsticks.  I loved it.  I have really started to love our ward and the people I know here.  

• Please don't imagine me doing zumba.

• McKay had his last soccer game on Saturday and don't you worry- the green dragons won!!  That was the biggest wish in his whole life, that they would win a game.  So we were all really happy about that.  McKay played goalie and Brian, McKay, Adele and I were all just about to go crazy during those few minutes that little Mack was wearing that blue long-sleeved shirt.  We wanted him to do well as goalie since he hadn't had a good experience at another game.  He did awesome!  He blocked/caught several shots and no one scored while he was in that box.  We all breathed a sigh of relief when he took the blue shirt off.  He had a great game.  

• McKay is not the only one doing awesome things.  Ellery passed off her cartwheel and backbend in gymnastics.  She seems to be having mixed emotions about gymnastics lately, but today she says she loves it.  

• Ellery and McKay got to go to the BYU game on Saturday with Brian and Granddad.  They loved it.  McKay didn't stop talking the whole game, specifically saying "Dad, do you think they're going to win?" every five minutes, and Ellery sat on Granddad's lap pretty much the whole game.  They even got to eat a cougar tail, which makes me jealous.  

• They came home with all sorts of loot- like bandanas, and posters and they were dying over the fact that they got to give all the players five as they ran into wherever the players run to.  

• So Layla is for sale right now.  She has been terrible this weekend.  Like I know she can be a stinker, but right now she has taken it to a whole new level.  I'm in one of those "please, please, please be a phase" places right now.  I hope it's a short phase.  

• She has been getting up at night for the past couple weeks.  Most of the time she gets up asking for a drink, or sometimes to go potty.  I remind her at bedtime that if she stays in bed all night she gets two skittles.  This is very motivating, espeically if I remind her in the middle of the night when she wants me to put her back in bed...in that case only getting one skittle becasue she already got out of bed.  Anyway, I like that she is old enough to go potty, get a drink and put herself back to bed...especially since she won't snuggle me anyway.  I love that she comes in and announces what she's doing, just so I know.  Often times I hear a little person enter my room, followed by a, "Mom, it's me.  Layla."  

• Layla's best friend is named Nicolas, and he lives next door.  They play really well together.  Nic is older by six months or more, but they really seem to understand each other and rarely have any problems.  Probably thanks to Nic- he's like a little old man and doesn't get ruffled easily and always listens.  I love him.  He comes over all the time- on Sundays, at seven a.m. in the morning, on holidays.  He doesn't care.  

• Another one of Layla's buddies is Zeek who lives across the street.  She loves him and he doesn't love her quite as much, but he is always very tolerant of her affection.  We love Zeek because he gets so excited to see us.  Like we'll pull into the driveway and he runs over, wagging his tail like he has been waiting for us all day.  It's nice to be greeted by a sweet dog who we don't have to take care of.

• My niece, Rylee, is going to boot camp for the Utah National Guard tomorrow!  We had a dinner to celebrate and say goodbye to her.  I am scared of boot camp, but I hope she loves it and does awesome.  I made her a candy poster and you know what?  I really love candy posters.  I know these were big in the 80's, but why have we let candy posters die out?  I'm bringing them back!  This candy poster made me very happy and I pretty much couldn't stop talking about how much I loved it.

• This is a picture of the pictures Layla collected at Chuck E. Cheese.  She kept doing this ride over and over.  During the ride she would push the buttons and talk to Chuck E. sitting next to her like they were flying a rocket.  As soon as it would stop, she would get all serious about hopping right out of the car and picking up her picture.  Then repeat that four more times.  I was dying about how each of these pictures are nearly identical, although all taken at separate times.  She really has those controls down!

• My parents gave Ellery some money to buy a new Build-a-Bear.  I hate this because they are so expensive...but kids love it SO much, especially my six year old.  So I knew that I had to be okay with her spending her money on it- because she would LOVE it.  She brought her friend Maddy along with her and picked out the most beautiful multi-colored bear and named her Sprinkles.  I don't quite know how Elle is going to divide  her time between Annie Jane and Sprinkles, but she assured me no one would feel left out.

• Halloween prep is in full swing- almost done with all three costumes.  This was taken when I practiced zombie makeup for the big day.  Here's how I feel about McKay being a zombie.  At first I was like, okay whatever.  Then I was looking online for ideas on how to make a kid into a zombie and I was like, "I hate this!  Zombie's are terrible!" and then I had to calm myself down and remember that Halloween is fun and zombie's aren't real and that I don't have to make him into the disgusting/terrifying zombie's I saw on the internet.  So that's where I'm at with the zombie thing.  I've come to terms with it and am practicing my not-so-horrible zombie makeup.

• He is so happy about being a zombie.

• I somehow volunteered myself into teaching holiday art projects to McKay's class for every holiday...so like once a month.  This was my first time doing it and I was really dreading it, but knew McKay would be really happy about it.  It was hard to find a craft that would be easy enough for 2nd graders, but not too easy, and that would take enough time and used the right materials.  It was tricky.  But after a few test runs on different things with McKay, we decided that drawing spiderwebs with white crayons and painting over them would be good.  We also made spiders out of pipe cleaners and attatched them to a string and taped it on the web.  Anyway, I was dreading it, but ended up having the best time.  I love being in the classroom.  I sometimes doubt myself, but when I'm standing up there in front of all those little faces, I remember that I can teach.  It is fun even!  I love seeing all the kids my son spends his whole day with and getting a feel of how his classroom works.  I am not so mad that I volunteered for this anymore.  I think it will be great.

•  Instead of working out on Monday, I took Layla to the library with Jana and her kids.  Layla loves this.  They read books, sang songs and then got one of those giant parachutes out.  She was so into it- her skinny little legs bouncing up and down while her little hands held tight to that parachute.  Watching her I suddenly got super emotional.  I won't have another child going to library story time and holding a parachute like they are holding the moon.  Sometimes it just hits me how precious these moments are.  There is no more "with the next kid" or "I'll have plenty of opportunities to do _____".  These are the last moments for me.  That makes me savor them, and makes me sad too.

• I am totally aware that I run a risk of ruining Layla because I am so sentimental about these little things.  I worry that our situation and my feelings will not be healthy for her.  I have no conclusions or answers regarding this, but I guess being aware is better than not.  

Happy Sunday and hooray for the longest post ever!

thoughts on a sunday (from last week)

• After church last Sunday, Layla went right up to her room.  A few minutes later she came bouncing down the stairs and declared, "Mom, I changed!"  So proud of herself and those pink heart socks.  She wasn't too thrilled to have to put some leggings under that mini.

• I'd love to do a whole post about Ellery's birthday, but that might not happen until next February.  So I'm just going to talk about it here.  It was rough.  Our sweet little Ellery had a really difficult week.  She had several totally unexpected and out of control meltdowns, one of which was on her actual birthday at a friend's house...when I wasn't even there.  This was quite shocking to me that she would have this outburst in someone else's home without any family around.  I got there right after the worst of it and Ellery was being REALLY difficult.  We had planned to go to lunch with two of her friends and their moms.  Well, Ellery didn't know that the moms were coming and that's where the trouble started.  Honestly, she was being so terrible that I would have cancelled the whole thing but the two moms were there are ready to go to lunch...so I felt that would be unfair to them.  But I was super mad at her and it felt terrible to feel that way on her birthday.

• We went to Costa Vida- her pick- and ended up having a fun lunch with friends.  I'm glad it worked out, because it was not easy to get there!

• Ahhh, this is not what I planned on writing about Ellery and her birthday.  I talked with Elle as we were driving alone in the car about what had been happening that week.  We discussed how she was dealing with her frustration turned anger.  I figured out by the third outburst that this was a problem with expectations not being met.  When she has an idea of something that's going to happen and it's modified or doesn't live up to what she hoped, she gets super angry and emotional and cannot stop.  We talked about this too and other ways to handle those feelings.  I hope it was helpful, because it really was a hard week, but we haven't had any trouble since, so that gives me a little peace.

• Okay, so I love Ellery and I know that dealing with things like these is just part of growing up and figuring things out.  Meltdowns and big emotions aside, I am happy to have a six year old girl!  I remember distinctly when Ellery turned four.  I was so sad to say goodbye to that three year old girl.  But looking at her now I am just excited.  I love that she's six and she's learning to read, she's going to school, she's obsessed with coloring and she still loves to snuggle.  I love that she likes to help me cook and that she is obsessed with stuffed animals.  I love that she sleeps in the longest, eats the healthiest and is the shyest of all my kids.  I love that she's a huge BYU fan and that her favorite gift this year was her very own BYU shirt.  She's just a sweetie and I'm so glad she's mine.

• Another really great gift that Ellery got this year was from Grandma.  Several years ago when Grandma came to visit us in Oregon, she brought Ellery and McKay pajamas.  She had made Ellery the sweetest, most precious, light pink, silk night gown.  Ellery loved it so much, but I was kind of obsessed with it.  It was just really special to me that Adele made it and that it looked so old-fashioned and feminine.  Sadly last year it disappeared without us realizing it and then one day we found it- tangled up in the greasy underside of the rocking chair in the girls room.  It had rips and grease all over it.  It was ruined.  I was so sad....so with Elle's birthday coming up I asked Adele if she would make her another one.  That Grandma did more than just that.  She made one for Annie Jane- Ellery's bear- and that was just about the best thing she could have done.  Ellery was thrilled.  Such a thoughtful gift from her Grandma.   

• One of my beehives, Amber, asked if she could take Layla to a preschool day her class was having at the jr. high.  I talked this up for weeks to Layla- the day she was going to school!  She was so excited and marched right off with Amber like a big, huge, grown up girl.  She was in school for just under two hours, and she loved it all.  She was so proud of herself.

• McKay finally got his bobcat bead or patch or belt loop or whatever one gets when one completes their bobcat.  I think it was a belt look.  I got a pin, I know that for sure!  He is loving cub scouts.  I am friends with one of his den leaders and she tells me all the time how sweet he is...and how many questions he asks!  This is something I've been hearing a lot from different people who teach McKay.  She said that she loves him because he really, really wants to know the answers to everything he asks and his eyes are just huge and he's so into what you're saying.  I know that face and I know those eyes and I love him for it.  His school teacher and soccer coach have said the same thing.  His coach marvels at him because he feels like McKay is really listening to him and wanting to learn what he's telling him to do.  My little inquisitive boy.

• So, yeah, McKay has totally become obsessed with sports.  I didn't know this was happening, but now he is not only loving to play soccer, he is wanting to watch sports over cartoons on Saturday mornings.  What?  When did this happen?  He and Brian have been watching some games together and Bri will even let McKay stay up past bedtime to keep watching.  He is a fan.

• He loves to play soccer.  He's disappointed that his team hasn't won a game, except for one he missed.  Thank goodness he made a goal this season.  He's obsessed with those two things.  Now if we can just get a win in before the season ends...

• Sometimes I forget the easiest way to entertain this child.  A bathtub.  It gives me at least an hour...maybe more.  And the songs that come out of her while she's in the tub?  Amazing.

Happy Sunday.

a few thoughts for now...

• We had Young Women in Excellence this week.  Beehives were in charge of decorations, which  meant that I was in charge of making 24 balloons into owls, and making some banners for the event.  Our theme was "Owl Stand in Holy Places".  One of the beehives came up with that, and it turned out to be a really fun theme.  Everything is better with a theme!

• That night made me really grateful for the young women of our ward- both the beehives that I get to work with, and all the other girls in our young women group.  Oh, and leaders too.  There are some really amazing girls and I love being able to be among them so often.  

• I think being in young women's is a great way to jump into a ward.  I am so glad that I have this calling because when you work with the youth you get to know them, and because of that you get to know their parents.  And then there's the leaders you work with.  It's been really good for me in being a new member of this ward.  Are you still new after a year and a half (almost)?

• Today was a beautiful Sunday.  The morning started off pretty stressful- me getting the kids ready for 9:00 church by myself since Brian was at the hospital all day.  I thought it was a bit funny that I completely lost my patience when the kids wouldn't listen to me about getting their shoes on before we left, and then I went to church and taught a lesson on patience.  Hehe, I felt kind of terrible, but not really because just get your shoes on!

• So that reminds me that listening has become a huge problem in our house.  I sometimes have to ask many times before the kids listen to me.  It's been frustrating.  I am planning a family home evening lesson/experiment to see if we can do better.  Sometimes I feel so great about how my kids are doing, and then sometimes, like after a week like this one, I feel so frustrated and worried about them and all that I need to do to help them to be good humans.  So yeah, this week has been full of those difficult thoughts.  I have really been feeling strongly for quite some time now that we need to take famliy home evening more serious.  When my kids were really little, just reading an article from the Friend every week as our lesson was great.  I felt so good about that at the time.  Now, that's not cutting it.  I know that this is mine and Brian's opportunity to really pray about the issues and topics and lessons that our children need at this time- and then teach them according to our promptings.  For some reason this has been hard for me to get going.  The feelings keep coming to me of the importance of it though, so this week I am putting some of those things into practice.

• One of the ideas that came to me was reading from Brian's mission journal each week.  When my friend Starr was visiting this summer, she talked about how much her son Talon wanted to go on a mission.  Like he was super excited already about it.  She said it was because her husband talked a lot about his mission and just totally pumped him up about it.  That's where the thought came to me that it would be a great thing for our family to hear and learn more about Brian's experiences on his mission.  I hope that it will be a meaningful thing for us and really think about missions on a more personal level.

• Speaking of missions- our backyard neighbor had his farewell today.  Brandon gave a talk in church and talked a lot about wrestleing and even told a potty joke from the pulpit.  This had McKay completely captivated and he listened to the whole talk.  I was amazed at how Brandon caught his attention.  We were invited to the open house and went after church.  I was preparing a card for Elder Dennison before we went over there, and included some money for his mission.  McKay saw what I was doing and I explained that it was to support him on his mission, because missionaries have to pay for it.  He asked if he could give some money too, and ran upstairs.  A bit later her showed up with six wrinkled and folded dollar bills.  He had six dollars for Elder Dennison.  He put it in his own envelope and wrote from McKay Matthews on the front.  Meanwhile, Ellery wrote him a letter that said, "Happy mission.  love Ellery," which was just precious.  We went over and the kids handed them the envelopes.  He graciously took them and went to put them in his pocket, but you bet that McKay stopped him right there and said, "Aren't you going to open it?"  So he did and those crinkled dollar bills made sweet Sister Dennison cry.  Then Ellery was not going to let her letter be unopened, so he opened hers as well and oohed and ahed over her letter.  It was pretty sweet of those two kiddos.

my eight year old

I took McKay to the Timpanogos temple a few days before his baptism to for a photo shoot.  Now you know that I always love a photo shoot, even though I don't know what I'm doing.  But I do always love taking pictures.  McKay was not so thrilled, although he was happy to be my model as opposed to being home and in bed.  I got some great shots of my precious boy- my eight year old.

It's hard to explain how I feel about McKay.  He is growing up so fast.  It's kind of surprising really.  He is forming opinions of his own.  He knows better how to challenge Brian and I- not in a bad way, but in a "I am a person too and this is what I think" way.  At the same time he is taking some of our opinions to heart more than ever before- which is kind of scary actually.  

He is starting to enjoy teasing his sister, Ellery, more...I wonder where he gets that from- but I also see them working together more and really developing their friendship.  

Sometimes I see him interact with friends when he doesn't know I'm watching and I am proud of how respectful and kind he is to others.  He is friendly to people and I hear him compliment and encourage people.  I also hear him get frustrated and hurt by people.  I am sure there are times that he frustrates and hurts people too.  

I have watched him proudly join the ranks of cub scouts- running off every Wednesday afternoon with his blue shirt on and his book in hand.  It has frustrated me to watch him tediously practice the piano every morning, but I have felt the satisfaction of finally hearing him play a song with both hands and sing along.  

I have cheered him on when he figured out the Real Salt Lake song on his own, and cheered even louder when he made a goal for his soccer team, silently saying a prayer of thanks because on the way he "had a feeling" that he'd make a goal that day. 

 I have seen the pile of books on the floor each morning from the last night's reading session, along with a whole day's worth of mess scattered around the room, and I have teased him about being the junk-food junkie of our family- a title he willingly accepts.

He shares a sweet bond with Layla and I am proud when he treats her with tenderness and love.  It is precious- those moments between them.  I often see him with many friends, running around our backyard- yelling, sweating, playing.  I continue to hear him ask me "the plan for the tomorrow" every. single. night. and eagerly and often times annoyingly anticipate what is coming next.

I see how he looks at his dad- his hero- and how he tries to be just like him.  I love their bond, and that they have each other.  Sometimes I am sad that I can't give him a brother, because he tells me he is sad about that- but I am glad he has a good dad who loves him and wants to spend time with him and be a good example for him.  

He still wants to snuggle me at night, and every morning I see a flash of a skinny body in underwear run into my room and settle in bed right next to me.  I thought about these things when I was reading with him in his bed the other night.  How long do I have when he will still want to snuggle with me?  Maybe two years?  I don't know.  But when I think of that, it sure makes me rethink being too busy to lay with him at night.  

I have heard him talk about his family- his whole big family- with pride and love and joy.  He loves being a Matthews, and he loves coming from Fuehrer's.  He loves his cousins and aunts and uncles and especially his grandparents.  

 I have heard this boy pray- seen him kneeling on his bed every night- and talking to his Heavenly Father.  I have seen him struggle through reading a verse in his new scriptures every night, and wondered how in the world I am going to help this become a lifelong habit and lifeline for him. 

I have most recently seen him make the decision to become a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  This makes my heart full, and my tears come to the surface.  I am proud of who he is.  I am thankful for him in my life.  And I am aware of the ever present need to continue to teach him- both by word and example- so that he can learn what he needs to learn, and be who he needs to be in this world.  

I'm proud and grateful to be his mom.  I'm grateful that he is patient with me as I try to figure out this parenting thing.  

I really love him.

 His goodness is visible, his heart is beautiful, his face is adorable and his personality is lovable.  

My boy.

a baptism day

In two weeks we had two first days of school, two birthdays, and a baptism.  For a mother, that is a lot major events crammed into fourteen days.  I was feeling the stress of it all- as I will probably do every August.  

The good thing was that his baptism was the last big event- and undoubtedly the most important of the bunch.  It was a great day where the Spirit was felt and a celebration was had with our wonderful family.  

This is the list McKay wrote down of who he wanted involved in his baptism.  I think he did a perfect job of planning his special day.  I could not love this little list more if I tried.  

  

He was pretty proud to be hanging around in his white jumpsuit that morning.  I made him promise not to eat anything in it.

I love this picture of my two boys in white.  I am grateful that Brian is worthy to baptize our boy.  I am also grateful that Brian got new white pants that aren't a XXL from his heavier mission days.  

I was happy to be able to speak to McKay about the Holy Ghost.  I was emotional, of course, but shared a time in my life when the Holy Ghost spoke to me on behalf of McKay- when he had planned a trip with Granddad to Thunder Mountain and the Spirit told me he shouldn't go.  He ended up being really sick that whole day and it was a great learning experience for both of us at that time to trust the Holy Ghost.  I felt the Holy Ghost there in that room with us.

Poppy was assigned to give the talk on baptism.  He did a beautiful job- I love hearing my dad speak.  He talked about how McKay was making the first step in a series of good decisions to come in his life that will bless him and make him happy.  

Granddad was able to confirm McKay a member of the church.  McKay's namesake.  This is somewhat of a tradition on the Matthews side of  the family that we wanted to continue.  He gave him a beautiful blessing where the Spirit was strong.  I wrote some notes down during it- I'll have to find them and add them here.

I am sure grateful for this little family that I have.  And so proud of the newest church member in our family.  

And now some photos of the day:

mckay's birthday interview 2013

I guess I'm still trying to do these birthday interviews.  Here is McKay's 8th Birthday Interview.  He's getting older.  But he's still just as cute as ever.

McKay Jack Matthews - 8 years old

• Some things you like to do?  Spend time with my family.
• Favorite sport to watch?  Basketball
• Favorite sport to play?  Baseball   
• Favorite thing to do at home?  Play with friends
• Favorite foods?  Ravioli, Rib-e-que sandwich at school
• Least favorite foods?  Quinoa, Butternut squash soup (incidently, two of mom's favorites)
• Favorite outfit?  A pink shirt, gray shorts, my gray shoes
• Favorite color? Pink and gray
• Favorite place to go?  The Allred's house
• Something that makes you happy?  Being with my family
• Something that makes you sad?  When my family is mad at me
• Who are your best friends?  Dawson
• Favorite TV show? Tom and Jerry (first answer: "I don't really watch tv." True.)
• Favorite movie?  Les Miserables
• Favorite book?  All books (mom would say Diary of a Whimpy Kid)
• Favorite thing about school?  Recess
• Other than recess?  Computers 
• What you want to be when you grow up?  NBA Player 
• Who is your hero?  My daddy.  Because he is the best- he's nice and plays with me and since I only have two sisters he plays with me.
• If you were an animal, what one would you be?  A panda bear- they're awesome and they're purple sometimes and I would want to be a purple one.