five days

Brian just left for his last week as a SRNA at Seattle Children's.  Five days left.  I cannot believe we are finally at this point.  It felt so much better saying goodbye to him tonight, knowing this would be the last time we had to.  The kids didn't even cry.  Well, McKay tried really hard to, but even he couldn't fake it for very long.  We are so happy that we will soon be able to live like a normal family again.

This being my last week as a single parent has caused me to reflect on how very blessed I have been during the last year.  It has been difficult, horrible at times, and lonely but we did it.  We got through it.  I have to acknowledge my loving Heavenly Father- I know I was being watched over, helped and lifted.

It was difficult, especially in the beginning, to be alone all day and night with the kids.  There were days that my patience ran so thin and I didn't know what to do.  So many times I would get a thought in my head, "Read to your kids."  This would sometimes happen at times when I just wanted to run up to my room and shut the door and let them fend for themselves and I couldn't possibly imagine how reading to them would fix anything.  I am here to say that I know those were inspired thoughts.  Every single time I stopped whatever we were doing and just read books to them when I heard that whispering I felt better, they felt better and everything was better.  It was such a simple thing, but it really brought back the spirit of love and patience into our home.  I am so grateful for those promptings.

There was not one night that I was afraid of being alone.  To me this is quite remarkable.  I am not an overly scared person, but to be alone as much as I have been and to not even have my thoughts go in the wrong direction one time?  That was a huge blessing given to me.

I was, however, afraid that there would be medical emergencies with the kids in the middle of the night that I would have to deal with alone.  Aside from a couple fevers and our usual vomiting antics, nothing happened.  I am so grateful that this fear was in vain.  Again, I count myself very blessed and have felt watched over.  It's one thing to just say that, but I really believe that.  I felt it.  I know it.  We were watched over during this time and my heart is so full thinking of the gratitude I feel for my Heavenly Father.  He heard my prayers.  He answered them.  He was with us.

So very glad that I don't have to see that man go out the door again with a suitcase and that stupid blue cooler.  

People have told me repeatedly that they could never do what I've been doing.  I always answer the same- "I can't either.  But I have to."  That's why I'm so grateful tonight- my last yucky Sunday night.  I know I couldn't have done it alone.

And I didn't.