my orbits

This post was written in February at the tail end of Brian being in Newport.  I found it today and realized I was waiting for a picture of my three before I posted it.  Well, I found a picture, so here it is.  


I've been thinking a lot about motherhood lately.  How sometimes it drives me crazy.  How lately it seems that getting through one day without loosing my patience or yelling is a challenge.  How my kids don't know the meaning of "clean up your toys" without step by step instructions.  How the best part of my day is after I tuck my little ones in and kiss them goodnight.  I wish I could even say that kissing them goodnight was the best, but no, lately it's been after.  


It's hard being a mother to three children by myself.  It's hard not having dad come home in the afternoon.   I miss him.  But I also just miss having someone enter our world besides the four of us.  It's nice having someone to tidy up the house for.  Someone to shower for.  Or to make a decent dinner for.  It's hard not having another adult around for the kids to talk to or play with.  We really miss him.

But today, although it was still hard to be alone, was a better day.  Instead of letting myself worry about the laundry, or cleaning the house, or even getting ready for the day, I decided to just be with them.  I decided to change how I felt about it.  Attitude is powerful.  It isn't everything, and there are some feelings and things that it can't change.  But there's a lot it can.  I'm happy when I am smart enough to allow my attitude to change my day.

Today I had such an experience.  I chose to look at my kids with different eyes.  To not get so annoyed at them needing my attention, but to actually freely give them my undivided attention.  Sadly, I don't do that enough.  And you know what?  There's a lot I would have missed.  Like hearing Ellery play with her new mermaids in the kitchen sink.  I love the pretty little voice she does, and those mermaids are so polite.  Or taking a walk with them and sprinkling the bird seed that McKay got from school all over the neighborhood, instead of just telling him we'd do it later- like I kept doing yesterday.  I loved seeing McKay's delight at his wonderful idea to sprinkle it on all the fire hydrants.  I would have missed seeing him carefully place piles of birdseed on a stick that he decided to stick into the ground.  

I'm sure all mom's of young children can relate to this, but I am literally a planet in my home, and I have three little orbits that rotate around me constantly.  No one is ever very far away.  No one ever stays very far away.  If I leave a room, more often than not they will come to find me within two minutes.  Sometimes this is really tiring.  Sometimes it annoys me and I just want a minute to myself.  But, today, as they started showing up in my bedroom while I was on the phone I saw it for what it really was.  They love me.  They want to be around me.  They don't even care that I'm not paying attention to them- although they spend most of their time trying to get it- they just want to be where I am.

And when I think about it like that, it's really hard to feel annoyed.

the way she plays

I guess I'm in too much of a hurry all of the time because somehow I have helped this little girl learn to claim to be helpless so that someone, anyone, will complete the task for her.  Cleaning up?  She's horrible at it.  Going potty?  She can do it on her own, but will often wait until the last possible second unless we insist and assist. Putting shoes on?  She'll halfheartedly sick her foot in backwards and say, "I can't do it."

I guess I just haven't taken the time to teach her, and given her time and patience to get faster at these little everyday tasks.  It's so much easier to shove her foot into the shoe myself, rather than wait until she finds the right foot to go in the right shoe.  It's something I've just recently pinpointed and I'm now trying really hard to correct.  I've also realized that she just might take longer to do things, and that's okay.

You see, this little head is often up in the clouds.  She'd rather be playing with all her little "girls" than going potty or getting dressed or cleaning up.  But that's exactly what I love about her.  

She has the most beautiful imagination.

I find so much joy watching her play.  Listening to her little girls talk to each other.  Watching her hold them and place them and take care of them.  

One of my favorite things she does when she plays is refer to herself as "the big girl".  Ariel and Belle will be talking and Ariel will say, "The big girl likes pink dresses too," and Belle will be all impressed with Ellery.  She is one of the characters and I just love that.

I love how she will take anything pretty and incorporate it into her world somehow.  A pink glove becomes a sleeping bag for a few princesses.  Layla's shoes become flying ships for the smaller girls.  A tissue box will become someone's house.  A scrap of fabric is instantly transformed into a beautiful wrap for a little girl.  A diaper is the perfect bed.

I still think it's important that this girl develops some personal responsibility and basic human skills.  We're working on it.  But I will never get tired of seeing her use her mind for this.  Ever.  Well, unless she's still playing with Barbies when she's fifteen or something.  Then maybe we'd have another talk.

Love, love, love this girl of mine.

lisa and ash

I didn't get my camera out very much while my sister Lisa was here, but here is what I do have:

 We were all very fortunate to be the audience at an impromptu Michael Jackson concert.  This boy's got some serious moves- you can just see it in his face.  Such concentration and thought when he dances up on that little table.  Lisa and Ash were gracious fans- enduring several songs.  

On St. Patrick's day, Ash and McKay set a leprechaun trap right before we went to the Children's museum.  They put a shiny purse underneath to entice the little guy.  Didn't get a picture of after, but O'Henry the leprechaun left his mark, and some gold for us all to enjoy.  We also had a green dinner that looked totally disgusting but tasted good.  Chunky green alfredo is not very appetizing.  

We went to the Children's Museum.  This is in the animal hospital.   

 We went shopping.  This is the only picture I have of Lisa. . .if you don't count the one of her teeth before we bleached them.  Prom jewelry was at the top of our list, but we also got Lisa some new clothes and hit a few garage sales.  She's heard magical things about garage sales in Portland, but sadly it wasn't the season and all she came away with were boxing gloves.  

Brian kept making fun of us for going to places like Target and garage sales while she was here.  Yes, those are things we could do any day, but not TOGETHER!  We miss doing those everyday errands together and so we did them.  And we liked it.  And we don't care what Brian says. 

These little cousins had a lot of fun together.  We learned that Ellery is very much affected by lack of sleep and thus turned into a mean girl.  Ash quickly decided on the role of the victim because of said mean girl and McKay was somewhere in the middle of these two.  They really did get a long most of the time and had so much fun playing, but Elle was a little stinker occasionally.  Ash brought tons of fun toys and princesses to play with and these three played and played and played.      

Ever since we moved here I have wanted to go to the Portland Market downtown.  We finally did it with Lisa!  It's a great place if you want to buy knit hats or jewelry.  It was fun walking around all the booths and seeing the different people of Portland.  McKay had fun counting all the dogs.  I think he counted twenty six or something.  There just might have more dogs on leashes as there were children in strollers. 

We had fun watching family movie with Ash, while Lisa took a nice nap on the couch.  She has seven kids and a Sunday nap is unheard of for her at home, so I was happy that she got to rest and relax.  

Not pictured:

*Bleaching our teeth- um, it didn't really work, but we sure had fun trying to talk without laughing while our trays were in.

*Food storage discussions

*Hair lessons- she is a changed woman!

*Church- Lisa was confused when popcorn and taffy were passed around in r.s. while we talked about the word of wisdom.

*Date night- Lisa took the kids over to her in-laws Scott and Traci's for the evening while Brian and I went out for our anniversary.  Layla didn't cry for her and we went on a date!  So nice!

*VooDoo.  I braved the one-way streets of downtown Portland with a car full of kids so we could have some donuts and so Lisa could take some home to her fam.  Maybe the VooDoo guy got mad at me for parking in a loading zone.  Maybe.  Maybe VooDoo donuts are completely ridiculous, but really delicious.  McKay and Lisa waited in line for an hour while I sat in the loading zone for awhile with the girls, and then moved to a parking lot across the street.  

*I'm sure there are things I'm forgetting, but it was so great to have her here.  She is SO busy all the time that it was fun to have her here without all that business and just have fun and relax and go to Target together!

RIP baby blue

We have lots of sweet memories in this old car- Brian proposed in here, we brought McKay home from the hospital in this car and we had numerous road trips in baby blue.  

We were really hoping that baby blue (a car that has been in the family for twenty years) would last us through graduate school.  She has been in bad shape cosmetically for quite awhile- broken door handle, rusted paint, no fm radio, broken cd player, and moving to Portland alerted us to a near constant puddle of water on the floor of the back seat.  But.  She was drivable and did got the job done, which was taking Brian to school and clinicals.

But then she started to not be so reliable.  After breaking down in Newport last month, then again this week we realized she was fading fast.  Reliability is pretty huge since Brian will be traveling all over Oregon this year.  We decided to pull the plug on old baby blue and get a new car.

It's not fun to look for a car that you need to buy immediately.  I like when you can take your time and really be sure that you're getting the best car that's out there.  We looked on craigslist mostly, and after two stressful days, finally found a nice little used Camry.  We got a good deal on it (but who really knows that anyway) and I'm glad that we have a reliable second car that can fit our family if needs be.  And I'm happy for Brian that he can listen to the radio again and that his car doesn't smell like mildew.

Here's the kicker.  We didn't know what to do with baby blue.  We didn't know how to get rid of her when she needed at least a $700 repair, plus all the other problems she had.  Brian went and looked at a car off craigslist before we bought ours, and the guy said that his friend might be interested in our car.  The next morning there they were test driving our car and before we knew it she was gone.  We sold it!  Ha, ha- I still can't believe someone bought it, with the long list of things to fix and all.  Brian was a little sentimental as he watched some random guy drive his trusty car away for good.  

You know, this doesn't really have to do with this post, but there really is no where else to put it.  I'm kind of really upset with Brian.  A couple weeks ago I asked him what he would do if he won 3 million dollars.  He listed only a few things- pay off student loans, buy a truck, and save the rest for later.  I know, I know- he was acting all sensible and unaffected by his money.  Whatever.  I told him that I would get a new car with our 3 million and he looked at me like I was a crazy person.  Then his eyes got all narrow and he said, "Why?!  What's wrong with your car?"  Well, nothing, but we have 3 million dollars.  I might want a sweet mini van with automatic sliding doors and fancy cargo storage and leather seats.  A new one!  He could not believe his ears and thought I was completely crazy and spoiled for getting a new car with our 3 million.  And listen, he was serious.  And I got mad at him and am still totally mad if I think about it.  I mean really, is one little car too much to ask for when you have THREE MILLION DOLLARS???

Okay, I'm not going to get mad anymore. . .unless we start talking about it again.  I have always driven the nicer, newer car, so maybe he wants to drive around in his truck to make me jealous.  I don't know.  Right now, with the new car, we're pretty much even.  It's a good thing we don't have three mill!

eight

Today we've been married for eight years.  Brian knows how I feel about him- I tell him all the time- so instead of write it on my blog, I thought I'd put up some pictures of the last eight years.  

I will say that I am a lucky girl.  I love being married to Brian.  I really do.  Every year that goes by I realize even more what an incredible husband he is.  The twenty-one year old baby that I was on my wedding day really had no idea what a great man she brought into her life that day.  

It's nice.  After eight years of marriage our relationship seems to have really mellowed and matured.  I love the experiences we've been able to share these last eight years- good and bad.  We've been through some hard stuff, the last two years specifically, and I'm grateful for that hard stuff because it strengthened our relationship like nothing else could have.  And I feel like even if there is more hard stuff to come, I can do it because I have him by my side.  That doesn't lessen my excitement for the good stuff either.  There is good stuff to come, I just know it.

Oops, look at that!  I went ahead and wrote a bunch when I was just going to do pictures.  I'm done.  Even though I want to keep going.  I'm done, I'm done!

So here it is, us through the years.

2003

naturally, I chopped my hair after the wedding.  Brian became a grizzly man.

2004

 New Zealand

2005

Happiest place on earth.  Confession: this is actually the very end of 2004, but I was pregnant in 2005 and I didn't want to scare you.

2006 

Kind of an anomaly- Brian in Los Hermonos and eating ice cream.  It must have been MY birthday.

2007

Us in the winter. 

2008

Boston Harbor.  Love this picture.  Love this memory.

2008

After reviewing pictures of all these years, I've determined that 2008 may have been my most favorite year.  

 2009

 Brian always loves a good photo shoot.

2010 

Pregnant again, with no makeup, but really this is all we've got. Well, except for a couple uglier ones...if you can imagine.

2011

I am not kidding.  This is our one and only photo alone together this year.  For my anniversary present I'm requesting that we take more pictures together.  Photo courtesy of Ellery.  

thoughts on a sunday

Brian dusted off his old donut making skills today and made homemade glazed donuts.  I didn't really know he had these skills, but apparently he used to do it almost weekly when he was younger.  I was impressed.  They were delicious.

• Well, I might as well admit that I am totally stupid when it comes to daylight savings.  I can never figure out the spring forward thing.  It has just messed with my whole day.  All day I keep asking Brian, "What time is it really?"  He's only a little bit sick of it.  Anyway, I am okay with daylight savings, but I hate how it messes with my kids sleep times, Layla especially.  I was so confused today that she missed her after noon nap because I thought it was almost time for bed, but really she ended up going to bed for the night at six o'clock, which really felt like five! I have no idea what she'll do with this tonight.  I hope I can be a bit more intelligent tomorrow.  

• This week Ellery and I spent the more part of our week communicating through song to the tune of Part of Your World.  I love, love, love that she is clever enough to speak to music- something me and my sisters have always done.  My favorite line that came out of one of her renditions, "You have a zit on your chin.  I will get one when I'm older.  Daddy is hairy."

• I made mint brownies this week.  For some reason my outlet lately has been baking.  Kinda wish it was exercise, but nope, it's baking.  Mint brownies are completely delicious.  I have a rule though.  If I bake something I have to share it.  It's kind of become a fun little thing to decide who we will share with each week (or more).  McKay loves to deliver the goods with me, as well as decide who they go to.  If I don't do this I would eat cookies or brownies for breakfast, lunch and dessert every day.  Sharing is mandatory.

• Layla had her well child checkup this week.  Um, is it because I've done this twice already, or are well child checkups pretty pointless?  Besides shots.  Layla stats are consistent with her little chunky rolls and she was in the 90th percentile for weight, 80th for height.  Also, her head is up there too, just can't remember the exact number.  My only question for the doctor was if he thought her head looked lopsided (which it is) but he said it's not too bad and will correct itself later.  She definitely prefers to sleep on the left side.

• I was nervous for her to get shots because sometimes they can cause such havoc on a baby's life.  Interrupting sleep, making them fussy, making them sick.  She had a couple days where she seemed to not feel well, but she wasn't fussy- just extra snuggly.  It didn't' interrupt her sleep because she's still not sleeping.  I guess we're lucky there.

• Speaking of immunizations, I feel so torn about them.  My kids have always been up to date on everything and I know that the benefits far outweigh the risks, but even still I can't help but get a little pit in my stomach every time they get them.  Especially when they're babies.  It's just scary either way to me.

• I am really excited because my sister and niece come this week and then a day after they leave, another sister comes with her family.  It's going to be a fun couple weeks around here.  So excited.

• The other morning as I was feeding Layla in bed I heard Brian in the shower getting ready for work.  It was like 4:45 a.m.  I hardly ever wake up when he gets ready in the morning, but this time I really thought about having to get my tired body out of bed and starting my day at five in the morning and it made me me feel nauseous.  It was then that I realized that I have never heard Brian complain about his early mornings.  If it were me getting up before five every day, you could bet that Brian would hear about it all throughout the day and I know I would be permanently grumpy.  But not Brian.  I told him this and he simply said, "It's easier for me to get up in the morning than it is for you," like it was  no big deal.   

• He's been really busy with school this week.  He's preparing to go to a new hospital, which entailed a TON of paperwork and annoying things to do, and he also has a presentation and a test that he's been studying for.  This is in addition to working at the hospital every day, with a two hour commute.  I just got tired even typing it out.
  
  
• Today in gospel doctrine we had a nice discussion no having a prayer in your heart.  It wasn't really what the lesson was about, more of a tangent, but I'm glad it came up.  I remember wondering not too many years ago what that meant- what that felt like- to have a prayer in your heart.  As I heard all the insightful and interesting comments on the topic it caused me to reflect on my own heart and I realized that although I am lacking in so many areas, I know what that feels like now.  It's kind of funny sometimes to think about the person I was when I was younger compared to who I am now.  That is why I just can't seem to hate getting older, because there is so much value in the experiences that come with age.  It shapes us and creates us and allows us to continually learn and grow.  I don't know, maybe that is just my experience with aging.  And now I'm off on another tangent.  Aging?  How did I get here?  Moving on...

• There's a couple new things McKay is up to lately.  Today on the way home from church he was taking requests and doing some awesome singing.  But this wasn't just any awesome singing.  It was like Miley-Cyrus-singing.  I remember trying to sing all beautiful like a real signer when I was little, and I can see those same little wheels turning in his head.  We sang our bedtime song and he was on the top bunk, on his knees- his eyes closed tight with passion as he sang Golden Sun with fancy trills and unique variations.

• When the kids have been put to bed, it has become quite common for us to hear some random math problems being thrown out there when we think they're both asleep.  "Two plus two is four."  half an hour later, "Ten plus ten is twenty." another twenty minutes,  "Two plus three is five."  We just respond with, "You're right.  Go to bed.  Stop doing math."  This has been another one of those things where he is just naturally interested and trying to figure it out on his own.  I'm happy he's interested in math, heaven knows with Brian and I as parents he's going to need that innate interest.      

• The other day I was looking at him after a bath- jumping around in only his spiderman undies and I could not get over how long his little legs are.  It really made me sad.  Weren't they just barely chubby little toddler legs?  Now they are these skinny, gangly things.
  
  
• While in Bend on our little trip I let the kids pick out one thing at the dollar store.  Ellery chose a pack of little mermaid dolls- one pink, one purple.  She was SO in love with the pink one, and didn't care much about the purple one.  That is until she discovered that the pink one had a bald head.  You see, these were fifty cents a piece, and you can't expect a whole head of hair for that price.  When she removed the pink one's ponytail it revealed the huge circle of bald head with hair around it and Ellery was completely disgusted.  She stopped playing with the pink one, and even chose to throw her away in the hotel.  Somehow Purpley-blueish-pinkish, which is what she named the purple one, made it home with us and after awhile, Ellery decided to overlook her baldness and love her anyway.  Sometimes Purpley-blueish-pinkish still talks about her sister, who was a bad girl, who lives in the garbage at the hotel.
  
  
• Ellery has started this really annoying, high-pitched, squeal-y voice.  She does it all the time, especially to Layla and it is ear-splitting.  I can't even describe how high she goes, but I'm amazed that she can even get words out.  My head hurts.
  
  
• Our garage was beginning to look like an episode of Hoarders so yesterday we cleaned it.  It feels so nice to have it organized again, but sometimes I really just hate the nature of a garage.  Too chaotic and messy, even when it's clean and organized.

• Brian and I were kind of on a roll after the garage and had good intentions to keep going.  But then somehow I ended up spending the rest of my Saturday sewing clothes for McKay and Ellery's Zhu Zhu pets.  Some of you are laughing at me trying to sew Zhu Zhu pet clothes.  You should.  I laughed too, even when McKay said, "Grandma is a good sewer.  Aunt Jenn is a good sewer.  Aunt Missy is a good sewer.  But not you mom!"  Agreed, son.  Agreed.  It's a good thing they don't really know how bad I really am.  They are totally happy with the clothes, although McKay was disappointed that I couldn't sew a cougar on his little guy's BYU outfit.
  
  
• Since my blog is private there is no harm in telling you the nightmare I had on Friday.  Basically I was trying to support a partially active neighbor by going to some "presentation" they were having about a new online store they were launching.  Long, really awful story short, I was THE ONLY person there, and had to have this whole presentation given to me, alone, by two other ward members who are "helping" them start their "business" (Yes, the quotes are coming out) which was totally awkward to see them in this odd, salesmen setting.  Anyway, after about forty five minutes, my neighbor's family moseys on in and takes some of the pressure off.  But then I had to sit by her sister who was chomping carrots and tomatoes from the veggie tray like she was a big, mean bunny and double dipping with each bite.  DOUBLE DIPPING!  Ahhh.  All the while answering small-talk questions like she was being interrogated by the police.  And then I witnessed my neighbor and her husband get in an argument over a video clip he showed us and then I took my free energy drink and facial samples and went home. . .but not before being walked home by my neighbor. . .like we were on a date, complete with awkward silence, slow-paced walking and pretty much a whole doorstep scene! (which was actually very sweet of her to walk me home, but so not necessary and just uncomfortable)  I walked in the door and just told Brian to hold me because I was so traumatized.  At least we both got a good laugh out of it for the rest of the night.
  
  
• Seriously, I can't even stop thinking about the double-dipping sister.  She may have been the worst part.
  
  
• I will now end on a sad note.  Layla has been eating oatmeal baby cereal for dinner every night this week.  She totally loves it.  I am completely depressed because my baby doesn't have sweet-poo anymore.  She's growing up and the age of sweet-poo is no more.
  

circus, circus

It was circus day at school on Friday.  We all got to go and see the show, and let me tell you it was quite a good one.  McKay's act was dancing around in huge clown shoes while the class recited a poem.  Usually this guy loves making people laugh, but an audience of 5o people got to his nerves a little bit.  He did it in front of everyone, but he just wasn't as jolly of a clown as I expected.  He told me after that he was shaking.  Ahh!  I love thinking of him being excited and nervous for something.  It just makes him seem so independent and real to me.  I don't have any pictures of it because I was recording it, but I do have these:

               {2010 clown, who did his own makeup}                  {2011 clown, this time a tiger}

The 2011 Circus bunch

back: Sophia, Wyatt, Rebecca, Cole, Daniella

middle: Anna, McKay, Carter, Laura

front:  Alison, Matthew, Tynan, Kay, Aaron

 And now just a word about this lady and her school:

I was nervous to have McKay repeat the same preschool class this year.  I worried that he'd be bored because he'd already done everything.  His teacher assured me that he would get new things out of the year and that he'd do fine.  I was still skeptical.  I'm happy to report that the expert was right, imagine that, and McKay loves school more than ever.  He remembers some things, but not all, and even if he's done it before, it's almost better to do it a second time.  He is doing so well at school and I'm so happy with the decision we made.

I am finding myself so satisfied with this little preschool.  Last year for some reason I didn't see just how amazing it was.  I liked it, and McKay liked it, but I wasn't blown away.  This year I can appreciate how she has designed her preschool so much more.  It is all about imagination, singing, playing, creating, experiencing and discovering.  Letters and numbers are never center stage, but incorporated with all those other ways of learning.  They bring out a whole different set of toys every couple weeks that have to do with the unit they are learning about.  They are learning to be friends.  Learning to listen and follow directions.  Learning to be creative and proud of what they do and not worrying so much about "academics".

That is exactly what I want in a preschool.  

bend

We tagged along with Brian when he had to go to Bend for a school conference.  

Kids loved being in a hotel, any hotel.  Cartoons in hotels are even better than they are at home.

We tried not to spend money while we were there, so that's why it was so fantastic that the Dollar Tree had it's grand opening celebration while we were there!  While Brian was at his conference, we got to go to the party and the kids go their face painted, we got free cookies, and we even scored some free chip clips!  It was awesome!

Of course we went swimming.  Their absolute favorite thing.  A rousing game of Little Mermaid was played.  

I didn't get any shots of Brian, but this is the view from our room.  

The drive to Bend is really beautiful.  Actually, it's more than beautiful, it's breathtaking in more than one spot.  I would love to do it again someday.

That's it!

all is well

After a torturous day of waiting, I finally got the call from the neurologist this afternoon with my results.  Actually, it was a call from his assistant, who actually doesn't really know the answers to my questions, and is actually just an annoying middle-man.  

Anyway, good news!  There are still no lesions on my spine, no new lesions in my brain and none were enhanced by the dye.  So nothing has changed since last time.  I'm so grateful for these results.  I had been feeling unsettled after the MRI and seriously the anticipation of getting that phone call resulted in me hardly being able to function today.  After I hung up the phone I immediately felt better.  

The doctor now wants to do a lumbar puncture.  I was a bit confused by this since they had said a couple months ago that they didn't feel that they needed to when I asked about it.  I guess since the MRI didn't show anything new, a lumbar puncture could possibly lead to a diagnosis. . .or not.  That's kind of the really annoying thing about all this.  It can take years to diagnose MS.  That's hard to think about sometimes.

Thanks to everyone who was fasting and praying for me.  It's quite an amazing thing to experience that kind of love and faith.  I am blessed and my heart is full.  Last time, when this was all so new, I explained to my sister how I was so overwhelmed/stressed/scared/sick/exhausted that I felt like there were some days that I couldn't even pray because it was all just too much.  Like I physically and mentally couldn't even wrap my brain around a prayer.  She said to me, "It's okay.  This is when you have to rely on the prayers of those who love you."  That was a comforting thought back then that gave me a lot of peace.  Now, I'm happy that I am not in that place anymore, but still feel so much love and support and peace from the thoughts and prayers of my loved ones.  Thank you.

Now just trying not to freak out about a lumbar puncture.  Brian says it's no big deal- he deals with cerebrospinal fluid all the time.  Comforting.

Sometimes after I've been impatient or frustrated with McKay, I'll look at him with new eyes.  His countenance glows.  His eyes are bright and innocent.  Still, so genuine and innocent.  And I can't believe I could ever be mad at him.  I worry about him sometimes. . .but at these times when I look at him this way- when he's completely shining for no apparent at all- I know that there is something amazing about this boy.  He is special and he has something inside that not everybody has.  I can't wait to experience this beautiful child growing up into the beautiful adult I know he will be.  

thoughts on a sunday

McKay's school had a field trip to the Children's Museum on Friday.  Elle, Layla and I got to come along.  It's such a fun place- the cutest children's museum I've ever been to. . .even though it's the only one.  The kids loved it and can't wait to go back.  

• Brian had a conference in Bend this weekend.  I've always wanted to go to Bend, so we decided to tag along with him.  It's about a three hour drive from Portland, and I rented the kids some movies from the library for the drive.  The drive to Bend is ridiculous!  It is SO gorgeous.  As I was taking in all the beautiful sights my eyes beheld as I sat in the front seat I found myself calling to the kids, "Look at that lake- do you see how green the water is?" or "Look at all the waterfalls we're passing," or "Can you even believe all these beautiful green trees everywhere?"  I would look back at them- each with their head phones on, eyes glued to their little screen- and only occasionally McKay would give me a token, "Oh." or "Yeah."  Elle was a lost cause.  Nothing could tare her eyes away from Dora saving the mermaids.  For a moment I hated those little screens and wanted to throw them out the window.  On the way home I made sure that they took a little time away from their movies to enjoy the scenery. . .except for Ellery. . .because of, you know...Ariel.

• Even though I hated the dvd players for awhile, it didn't decrease my love for the library.  I really, really love the library.  Every time I leave with a two foot stack of books or a couple new movies, I'm grateful for such a wonderful service.  

• Pretty much every night lately I've been enjoying a nice bowl of Reese's Puffs cereal.  It's my favorite.  And I don't eat one little bowl of cereal.  I keep refilling it until the milk is gone.  It's just how I do it.  I figure, it's better than a nightly bowl of ice cream.  Maybe?

• I'm getting an MRI tomorrow to see if there have been any changes in the last six months.  It was really hard to schedule the appointment because I felt like this whole thing has been put away and now I'm pulling it all back out again.  That's kind of hard.  But I'm feeling okay about it.  Except for laying there for two and a half hours.  Not feeling okay about that part.  Luckily I've got some happy pills that will make it so I hopefully won't care too much.  It's a pretty big deal for me to stay still for even five minutes, let alone hours.  I can only imagine how many itches are going to need scratching as I'm lying there.      

• On a happier note, the kids are having a babysitter and my sweet visiting teacher is bringing dinner.  My kids could not be more excited about this.  Well, mostly the babysitter part.  I can only imagine how annoying they are going to be.  And we don 't really need dinner, but it will be nice to not have to worry about feeding anyone, especially since I might be going a bit crazy at that point (the MRI is scheduled for 6pm).  

• This MRI poses another serious problem.  Miss Layla is refusing to take a bottle.  I can't feed her for at least one feeding because of the dye used for the MRI so I don't know what's going to happen there.  My sister says her husband had to feed one of their babies with a syringe because he wouldn't take a bottle.  I can just see Brian and Layla out in the waiting room trying this syringe.  Sometimes she's such a stinker.

• Like how she's snacking every two to three hours at night still.  Yeah.  Big stinker.  I am a zombie.  And I swear she is turning into even more of a little butterball since this started three weeks ago.  Or maybe four.  Who's counting?  I know, I know, I need to let her cry it out.  But that would wake up my other two, and Brian and also it's just hard to hear your baby cry.  This week I'm gonna do it...

• We watched home videos today and baby McKay and baby Layla look like twins.  And also, McKay was quite possibly the cutest toddler on the planet.  Much to Ellery's dismay, we only got as far as her first Christmas, but she was quite thrilled to see herself as a little baby.  She was also pretty adorable.

• Guess who went to bed at five thirty tonight?  And guess who just woke up (9pm) ready to play?  Ahhhh!  What is up with my baby!?!

• Now a couple of cute things my kids have been saying:  We were driving into our neighborhood and there is a sign with an apple on it and the name of our neighborhood.  As we drove by it the other day Ellery said, "Mom, does that sign with the apple say, 'Ellery's House and other houses'?"  

• McKay and Ellery were playing the other day and he said, "Pretend we're robots, made by an evil sign test."  

• McKay has been doing this for awhile, but I keep forgetting to write it down.  Whenever we are anywhere and a Hispanic person is in hearing range, McKay will nonchalantly start counting to ten in Spanish, like it's no big deal.  One day, while in line at a store the nice hispanic lady noticed and praised him in English and then said a few things in Spanish, thinking he may know more than just counting.  I had to jump in and explain that his knowledge of the Spanish language was limited, but they were still both very pleased with the conversation.  

• That reminds me of hearing Ellery randomly yell out her interprtation of Spanish words while watching Dora today in the car.  It was always startling to hear a sudden burst of mangled Spanish, but very cute.  It made me sad when McKay got too old to talk back to the cartoon characters.  I love that she still does it, and with complete belief and gusto!

• With McKay's interest in spelling lately Ellery has taken notice.  She will say, "Mom, I know how to spell Layla.  La, La, Layla."  or "Ja, Ja, Jeanette."  Jeanette is one of the Chipettes, if you didn't know.

• Also, both my kids have memorized our address and phone number.  This is something I've mainly been working on with McKay, but then Ellery started saying it right along with him.  I guess her hearing him practice it over and over sank in.  This is quite remarkable because, as some of you may know, we have the world's longest address.  

• I got my hair done this week after six long months.  It's a long story, really,  that I don't feel like telling, but the end result is I'm blonde, I no longer have roots down to my ears, and it feels great!

• Brian is finally adjusting to his new hospital in Silverton.  Basically, each time he goes to a different hospital it's like starting a new job.  New people.  New machines.  Different ways of doing things.  I don't know about you, but I hate that "new job" feeling and my poor husband has to go through that continuously for the rest of the year.  It's rough stuff, I tell ya.    

Happy Sunday!

picture newport

The second week in February we were able to spend a week in Newport with Brian while he worked at the little hospital there.  We stayed in a sweet couple's house while they were out of town and the kids and I would hang out there until Brian was done for the day.  Usually he was off around two.

The trip was really great. . .however it took a couple days to get to great.  I think the kids were so excited to go on vacation that they went temporarily insane.  They were wild, bratty and defiant and Brian and I were at a loss of what to do.  Finally, on the morning of the third day the kids and I went to Walmart.  I explained that they were ruining our vacation with their behavior (they really were) and that they had one more chance to be good in Walmart or we wouldn't go to the beach like we'd planned.  Somehow, that switch that they have inside flipped (it may have had something to do with a box of animal crackers) and they were finally back to themselves and we had a really great couple days.  

It was kind of weird to live in a stranger's house, and hard for the kids because they wanted to touch and explore everything and couldn't understand why they weren't allowed to.  During the day while Brian was working we went on walks- admiring the plethora (and I really mean plethora) of various lawn decorations that pretty much every house in the neighborhood sported.  The kids loved digging in the dirt in the back yard and we bought a huge ball and McKay, Elle and I had an intense game of soccer.  When Brian came home for the day, we'd set out and explore the little beach town.  

Some pictures:

beautiful harbor

lazy sealion

 aquarium 

movie "at home"

swimming- the kids favorite

beautiful Newport

bundled up for the beach

kids look a little homeless but it's the only one of all four of us :)