tulip festival

Tulips are my favorite flower.  So fresh, clean, and simple, and so beautiful.  When I heard about the Tulip Festival in Wilsonville, I knew we had to go.  I had been trying to plan a night for our family to go all week, but it wasn't working out, so when a group of girls from the ward planned a trip, I made sure to be a part of it.  It was fun.  Beautiful fields of all colors and types of tulips, pony rides, bouncey slides, hay bale climbing, water fountains. . .there was a lot to do.  I was grateful that my kids didn't run off into the tulip fields like some others, but it about killed Ellery to not be able to pick them.  

McKay and all the ladies:

Ellery, Taylor Hendrickson, Ella Newby, McKay, McKenzie Hendrickson, Halle Hendrickson 

top- another sweet Newby girl who's name I don't know 

laysie toys

I love this stage.  Sitting and playing all day long.  What a sweet girl I have.

{may eigth}

 Today is the perfect day to celebrate this:

and this:

I'm so lucky.  I love doing this.

Happy mother's day.

thoughts on a sunday

Our little Red Sox fan on our family walk this afternoon.  

• While driving in the car earlier this week we were talking about our favorite flowers.  McKay was telling me his (tulips, like me) and then Ellery piped up and said, "MY favorite flower is a dand-o-lion!"
   
• Miss Layla is a spitting fool.  She and McKay play this game where she screams at him and he screams back and they do that to each other over and over.  She thinks its' the best.  Well, now in addition to screaming, she will sometimes opt to spit.  She'll stick her tongue out and spit and then expect who ever is in front of her to spit back.  It's an interesting form of endearment.
  
  
• She also thinks it's hilarious to spit while eating her food.  This is not as funny as she thinks.
  
  
• Ellery woke up the other morning so excited. She told me that she had a dream where she was under the sea and she was a mermaid.  It was a really good dream because it put her in a really good mood.  I was excited for her.
  
  
• We didn't watch the Royal Wedding, but we did catch clips of it on the news the next morning.  Ellery was fascinated.  Mostly because earlier in the week Aunt Jaynie sent us a bag from London with the Royal couple's picture on it, so Ellery had already heard all about princess Kate.  So she was thrilled to watch her in her wedding dress on tv.  She told me she was a princess and I asked if she was going to marry a prince when she grows up.  She said yes, and then asked, "Will I marry a prince with not much hair?"
  
• More evidence that we watched the Brits?  We were at Red Robin eating dinner and McKay was writing words.  He wrote DOD and asked Brian what it spelled.  He said dod, and McKay's eyes got big and he said, "You mean it's a castle word?  Like dod." and he did this little birtish accent with his eye brows arched high.  It was quite possibly my favorite moment all week.
  
  
• Lets talk about tee ball.  Tee ball is really funny.  We enjoyed watching all the little kids on Saturday.  Mostly, I liked the kid that drew a circle around himself with his bat every time he was up.  The pitcher would be sitting there waiting for this kid to finish his dirt circle.  Also, loved the kid on the pitcher's mound who sat right down and started filling his glove with dirt as the ball bounced all around him.  Or the kid who kept burping on first.  Or the kid who was acting like a clown. . .oh wait, that was our kid.  We tried not to laugh at him and feed that behavior, but there were plenty of goofy face made all over the outfield. 
  
  
• Brian didn't think this was funny at all and is struggling a bit with how off in space his little player is.  He can hit, and he can throw and he's even getting better at catching, but none of that matters if he's not paying attention, which usually he's not.  I think it's normal, although some of the kids already seem way focused on the game.  Ours does not, and that's okay.   
  
  
• In other news, we have a ballet drop-out.  Yep, ballet turned out to be a little too serious for my three year old.  After only a couple classes she was saying that she didn't want to go and that she didn't like it.  I didn't want to force her and create horrible feelings about classes and dance, so we decided to try a funner, more upbeat class in the Fall.  I feel slightly guilty for not telling the teacher that we quit.  Oh well.
  
• On Wednesday it was my friend Starr's birthday and so we had her kids over for a late night so she could go out for her birthday.  We love the Thompson's because they have the exact same family as us.  A boy, and two girls- and they are each just a couple weeks or months apart from ours.  We watched a movie and played and had pizza and McKay and Ellery thought it was the best night ever to have a pajama party with their friends at night.  It was like having three sets of twins.  Also, I love my friend Starr.

Sage and Layla.  Sage is two weeks older, but Layes has her by probably five pounds.  And that tiny little monkey can crawl all over the place, whereas Layes is still doing rolls and scoots to get around.  They enjoy sharing binky's and grabbing each other's faces. 

 McKenna and Ellery.  They share a gigantic love for princess polly pockets and when they get together they usually strip down to their undies to prepare for dress up clothes.  

McKay and Talan.  These boys call each other brother- and are best friends, but they have very different personalities.  They love boy things though, so they get along great.

• We were driving in the car and McKay said, "You know that singer who's last name is like Enchilada?"  It took us a minute before we came up with David Archuleta.  I still can't remember what he wanted to say about him, because we were laughing too hard at David Enchilada.
  
  
• Speaking of enchiladas, we had honey lime enchiladas for dinner tonight.  It's most definitely one of our favorite meals.
  
  
• I am pregnant.  With a chocolate baby.  He came around Easter and is growing daily.  I am ready to take all the candy and have a big family binge until it's gone.  I just need it to be gone.  I really don't want my chocolate baby.
  
  
• Brian has one more week at the VA.  This is great news for him, but also means he's starting another job in a week and a half.  He goes down to Grants Pass, which is three to five hours away.  I say three to five because I've heard all sorts of times describing the distance from here to there.  I hope it's more like three.  I am not looking forward to having him gone. He'll come home on the weekends, and I know that I can do it, but the thing is, I just don't want to do it.  I don't want to.  But I have to.
  
  
• I can't wait for December.
  
  
• The weather was gorgeous this weekend.  I keep getting sunburned.  And when I get burned I get all itchy for the whole rest of the day.  It's time to really remember the sunscreen.
  
  
• So a couple nights ago I was brushing McKay's teeth and I examined his mouth a lot closer than I usually do.  Inside, I saw a great big cavity!  I saw it!  I have become obsessed with the fact that he has one.  I am really upset by this.  At every dental visit, which we've done twice a year since he was two, he's always had beautiful, healthy teeth- a member of the no cavity club!  And I was certain that he was blessed with Brian's wonderfully strong teeth.  And I thought life was beautiful.  Now that he has a cavity I am concerned that he has my teeth.  My sad little genetically cavity-prone teeth and I am depressed.  If I stop being depressed long enough to really think about it, I know that we've been slacking in the oral hygiene department.  It's so hard to floss when there's only a couple teeth that even touch in his little mouth.  It just seemed like "what's the point?"  But now we're flossing daily and he's brushing before school and not just at night.  Stupid cavity.
  
  
• Brian's been so busy that he hasn't been able to run very much.  Poor guy, he really has a lot on his plate right now.  More than I can even imagine.  He has a lot of stress and worry and I am so excited for the day where that is over for him.  All we can do is just keeping going.
  
  
• So now that it is lighter later, we've run into the unfortunate problem of having our kids look out the window as they're lying in bed at their friends playing outside.  McKay especially struggles with this.  We'v e been discussing for months now moving his bedtime to later.  They all go to be at seven and he usually lays there awake for at least an hour each night.  I really love having my kids all in be at seven though.  It's hard for me to willingly give up those few hours we have at night without kids.  But, I think it needs to happen.  I want to make it a summer thing and maybe go back to seven in the Fall when school starts.  Brian thinks it should be permanent.  Whatever we decide, McKay is going to be so happy to stay up late.
  
  
• McKay has been working hard the last two weeks to earn money for a new zhu zhu pet.  He's all the sudden totally into zhu zhu's.  He did all sorts of jobs around the house and it was torture for him to wait two whole weeks to make enough money.  Good thing they were on sale for only $3.50 because he couldn't have lasted much longer.  He takes care of them like they are his pets and talks to them like they have feelings.  It's pretty cute.
  
  
• Ellery, in turn, wanted to earn money to buy a set of tinkerbelle figurines.  They are ten bucks, so I'm not sure that she will ever get there, but I may cut her a deal.  She gets so excited when she does something, which is usually throwing a diaper away or washing the cupboard doors with a dry rag.
  
  
• Brian just told me that Osama Bin Laden has been killed.  Crazy that they've been searching for him for ten years.  Kind of weird to see the people celebrating at the white house, but also great news.  I just don't know that I feel like jumping around in the street wearing flag shorts.  

Happy Sunday!  

easter weekend

We had a beautiful Easter weekend, which included the nicest weather we've had all year.  Um, to say I've been stressing about Easter (again) is kind of an understatement- there's just so many ways you can do it and trying to blend traditions and make new ones has not been the easiest thing for me to figure out.  But this year I made a plan.  And it went well, although I'm sure I'll be tweaking it for years to come.  At least we have a plan!  But enough talking about Easter, here's our weekend:

Friday:  

 Miss Layla lunging towards some empty eggs.  

 Sadly, pink is the only color that didn't really do much dying, much to Ellery's dismay.  

Orange is her next favorite color, so at least there was that.  

 McKay put on a HUGE tee shirt for this.  He was really into making stripes on his eggs.

Brian's been waiting all year for a warm enough day to set up his tent and water proof it.  Friday was the lucky day, and the kids played house in this tent for over an hour.

Also, we got to go on a date...without kids!  It was quick, but it was a date.  My sweet friend offered to watch the kids and Layla cried for her, but that's to be expected.

Saturday:

 My kids had no idea that they would be hunting for eggs when they woke up.  

This was kind of weird because there was zero anticipation.  Something I would do differently next year.  That magic was just missing.

They still had fun though, and each had a different room to hunt in.  

Layla didn't hunt, but she was just as pleased with her easter basket full of paper grass and her flower headband.  

 McKay's last three tee ball games have been cancelled, so we were all excited when it was 70+ degrees outside on Saturday.  I didn't get a picture of the athlete, but here we are camped out watching.  

About, oh I don't know, once a year, Brian makes himself a big steak.  This was the special day and here is his big old steak.  After he ate this he decided that it might become a once a month steak.  I like to dip my veggies in A-1.  Ellery ate a roll and that's it for dinner.  McKay loves steak and was moaning during each bite.  Poor deprived boy.

After playing outside ALL day, I decided that Ellery and I could use a good pedicure, 

and Layla hung around to watch.  

Sunday:

Family pic before church.  

If Ellery doesn't want to have her picture taken, it's pretty obvious.  This was one of those times.  But, my girls looked adorable and I am still shocked at myself for how much I enjoy dressing them alike.  

Easter scripture activity after church.  

Then off to the Eddington's for a delicious Easter dinner.  It was a lovely weekend!

results

Brian had Friday off.  We had been planning on going to the temple on Wednesday.  But that didn't happen.  So then it was Friday morning.  In the temple I thought, "I think they're going to call while I'm here."  They being the doctor's office with the results from my lumbar puncture.  The answer.

I checked my phone as soon as we got in the car.  Nothing.

We picked up the kids and were just about to turn into our neighborhood when I got the call forty minutes later.  I grabbed Brian's hand as I answered.  I don't know if it was me or him, but our hands kept squeezing tighter and tighter together.  I listened as the lady explained who she was.  She then said these words,

"I'm calling to let you know the results of your lumbar puncture.  All the results are normal."

Normal.  I've never been so relieved to hear the word normal in all my life.  I'm so, so happy to be normal.  
I was in a bit of shock, I must admit.  For some reason I really felt that the news would be different.  I felt at peace about it- I knew it was going to be okay- but I didn't expect to be normal.

I have a doctor's appointment on Friday to go over the results and decide what, if anything, to do now.  At this point, I'm ready to just move on.  MS can be tricky to diagnose, and I know that this isn't a result that just ends it all, but I'm ready to pack it up.  I feel good about packing it up.  I'm normal.  I don't have MS.  I just have lesions in my brain. . .maybe you do too. . .who knows?  But I'm not gonna think too much about them anymore.

I will, however, never stop thinking about the gratitude I feel for this experience.  It changed me.  It helped me.  My faith, my testimony, my priorities will never be the same.

It did a lot in my little world, and that's something that I will always remember.

Thanks so much for all the thoughts, prayers, fasting and temple service that has been done on my behalf.  I really don't wish this experience for anyone, but I do wish that everyone could feel what it's like to benefit from the faith and prayers of those you love, and who love you too.  It's humbling and amazing and beautiful.  Thank you.

We're happy.  Hooray!!

thoughts on a sunday

Layla and her "da da da" outside this afternoon.

• Layes has started saying da da da.  She pulls it out when she is the most happy.  This morning we asked her who she loved the best and she answered "da da da".  We all know that's not true.
  
  
• Also, she's not really saying da da, it's just a sound she's discovered.  She's also really into kissing herself over and over and over in the mirror.  My mirror is covered with baby slobber, but it's just about her favorite past time, so who am I to deny her?
  
  
• McKay is playing with Elle's barbies that were left out on the floor.  One of the barbies just sang, "And then you poop on your mom's new underwear," in a rock-n-roll sort of tune.  This can only make me smile, but then I get a little sad.  Because right now in their innocent little minds potty talk is as bad as it gets.  It will be a sad day when potty talk is no longer so dangerous.
  
  
• But the other night I had a comforting thought as I was reading the scriptures (skip if you're already bored).  Whenever I think about my children growing up in such a wicked world, and wonder how I am ever going to protect and prepare them I get anxiety.  I think about all the issues regarding same-sex marriage and homosexuality and how it's probably going to get very intense and uncomfortable at times for them to stand up for what's right.  It already is that way, and thinking of the downward spiral this world is going in as far as morality makes me so nervous.  What will it be like for them?  I shudder at the thought and get easily overwhelmed.  As I was reading, I thought about the stripling warriors and how they were so young and so few in number, fighting against such a large and gruesome army of Lamanites. Logistically they didn't have a chance.  But because they fought for the Lord they defeated the Lamanites and not one was lost.  Not one.  This makes me think of the amazing children we're raising, and how in this world, we are few in number, and our children are young, and we're going up against the wickedness that the world is trying to call normal- Satan himself, a large and powerful army.  But we're fighting for what's right.  And our children have been saved for this time.  We're on the Lord's side and He can make up for a lot, and when I think about it like that, it's not so scary.  I don't know, maybe this thought isn't original, but it was new to me and its helped me to not fear the future as much, but take comfort in the fact that even though we're small in number, the fight is still worth fighting.
  
  
• Brian just discovered that I start sentences with "and".  I do it all the time, totally on purpose.  I know that it's not correct, but a lot of the time it just feels right.  Brian's not sure he can read my blog anymore.  And that's a price I'm willing to pay.
  
  
• We taught McKay's primary class today.  I was excited to be able to spy on Ellery in primary, but she was excited that we were there too, and had a hard time not turning around and waving every two minutes.  McKay felt so cool that we were his teachers, and it made us have sympathy for his real teachers.  He's a good boy, but he likes to talk way off subject and loves more than anything to make his friends laugh.  Those poor women.
  
  
• I can't get Layla to eat breakfast.  She's not interested.  Dinner is really the only time she'll eat baby food.  And she's picky too.  She likes veggies, especially the green ones, but she's not a fan of fruit -quite yet.
  
  
• Ellery's ballet class is going okay.  I say just okay because last week she was the only girl who had to come out and use the bathroom.  Except, she didn't have to use the bathroom.  She just said that so that she could come out and ask for a drink.  She is the youngest, by far, and I think ballet might be a little too serious for her right now.  She likes it, and loves to get dressed up and she loves the idea of it all, but I think it's obvious that she's a little bored.  Next time we'll definitely try something a little more upbeat.
  
  
• So far, three of McKay's tee ball games have been cancelled because of rain.  That's just life around here, I guess.  He's taken it pretty well, and was happy to get all dressed up in his uniform on Saturday for team pictures, even though the game was cancelled.
  
  
• The VA is slowly sucking the life out of my husband.  I'm okay with this though, because when the VA is over, that's when he goes to Grants Pass.  So I want it to last as long as possible.  
  
  
• My mom and dad sent us an Easter package this week.  It was like Christmas morning in a box!  The kids eyes were huge when we opened it and they saw all the fun things inside.  We definitely got spoiled by Grammy and Poppy and it was such a fun thing for a not so fun week of waiting.
  
  
• There was an afternoon this week where my kids were both asked to play at friends' houses and Layla and I got to run errands with just each other.  It was so nice to just have one child to take around with me.  McKay even had dinner with the missionaries at his friend's house.  I'm so grateful for all the friends my kids have in this ward.  There is no shortage of children in our ward, and McKay, Ellery, and even Layla all have lots of kids their age to play with.
  
  
• McKay is into saying really long prayers.  Some new items of thanks are animals, sea creatures and cozy beds.  He really does say sweet prayers though- and I'm always impressed when I hear him pray for those who are sick and struggling.  It makes me happy.  It's cute to hear him repeat phrases that he's heard other people use, even though he might not know what he's saying.
  
  
• If you didn't already know, Ellery is quite a loud child.  Like really, really loud.  She can be as sweet and mild as can be, but by default she is loud and uninhibited with her voice.
  
• All week Ellery has been telling Brian she loves him.  Then he'll say, "I love you more." and she'll say, "I love you most."  He was feeling quite tender about this frequent little exchange they were having until I told him that it was a line from Tangled.
  
  
• Speaking of Tangled, my mom sent Ellery a little Rapunzel figure.  The three inch tall doll has about ten inches of hair.    By day one I decided it had to be braided.  Ellery was okay with this for a day, but then out came the braid.  Now, on day five Rapunzel is half way to one huge dread lock.  It can't be brushed, and Ellery keeps putting it in a pony tail and taking it out.  Rapunzel's hair is so tangled that her arms frequently get stuck in her hair and her face is almost always buried in the rats nest.  Amazingly, Ellery doesn't mind at all and thinks she's as beautiful as ever.  

Happy Sunday!

time for some art

McKay:

He's really into these hand turkeys.  He learned it at school.  There's nothing wrong with turkeys in April.


****


Ellery:

A girl.  In a long, pink dress.  What else would it be?

Maybe a kitty?  With a nose.  And two boogies in it.  (That's a quote.)


Love my little artists.

thoughts on a sunday. . .with pictures

Special Edition today...

• On April Fools Day McKay had a field trip to the fire station that we all got to go to in the morning, and so after we got home I made them a sneaky little lunch.  We hadn't discussed anything about April Fool's, so they didn't suspect at all.  I made them "grilled cheese sandwiches" which were actually toasted pound cake with orange frosting and "fruit punch" which was Jello with straws in it.  McKay didn't notice until he took a bit and tried to drink, but Ellery didn't notice at all.  She picked up her sandwich and started eating without a word. She nearly ate the whole thing before I told her what it was.  I love how she just didn't question why her sandwich was sweet and just ate up.  McKay especially loved this, and ever since then they both keep saying things and then yelling, "April Fools!"

• About the fire station.  Let it be known that if I were a man I would be a fireman.
  
  
• The weather here has been better lately.  Still a bit cool, but got a great day where we spent hours outside.  I actually got a sunburn!  It was wonderful.  I can't wait to spend more days outside.  Spring is here. . .I hope!

• The kids are way into doing this on the swings.  We call it a tornado.
  

• This little lady now has her very own sippy cup.  I feel like a first time mom with this girl.  Mostly because I've slowly been introducing solids and who ever knows what they're doing when they're introducing solids?  Not me.  Right now she's eating dinner- two jars!- and this week I just started breakfast.  I think I finally have a schedule that we're going to try to follow, but really I'll probably just feed her every two hours until she's morbidly obese and Brian puts and end to it.
  

• Actually, because of my lumbar puncture, I couldn't lift her or get up with her for a night and daddy was on duty.  The next morning he woke up, looked at me and said, "This has to stop.  We're letting her cry tonight."  At that point he didn't even know that I had secretly gotten up with her once during the night.  I was happy that he realized what I've been doing for the last seven months, and I just needed him on board because part of me feeding her so often was to let him sleep at night and I just needed someone to help us.
  
  
• So last night was the night!  She was still up every two hours, but the longest she cried was 30 minutes.  And she didn't cry so much as she just kind of yelled.  I felt bad, but it wasn't as hard as I thought it
  would be.  Life is changing for this baby.  We'll see how she does tonight.
  
  
• Also, it should be noted that Brian wanted to give up when he thought of her doing it again tonight.  We most definitely won't be giving up.  We're in it 'til the end!
  
  
• We enjoyed General Conference last weekend, although by the end of Sunday McKay was openly declaring that he hated it.  So I guess Brian and I enjoyed it.  Conference is good.  Really, really good.  It evokes in us a desire and hope to change.  And brings words of comfort and fortifying peace.  I can't wait to read them all again.  

• I tried a few little things to get the kids through it.  One was having snacks for certain words that were said.  If we heard the word, then we could take a snack from that bowl.  I love this idea, and the kids were really into it for about twenty minutes, but I think next time I would just do one word with one bowl.  It was a little too much for them.  Also they can't read, so there's that.
  
  
• If you were wondering, faith was said the very most.  Those were the raisins, good thing.  I wish they would have said service more. . .those were the candy bars.

• This little man had his first tee ball game.  It didn't rain, well, not really anyway, but it was FREEZING. Ellery made a little cave under a blanket and didn't really even pop her head out once.  McKay did great and tee ball is funny.  The kids are just all over the place.  He was way into it though, and even got to play catcher.  We were proud parents as the ball was thrown home several times and he just watched it roll on by as he was squatting there with all his gear on.  So cute!  I'm still not totally comfortable with tee ball being part of my life, but I'm getting there.  

• After his game, Brian went to priesthood session and I had a few friends over to play and eat pizza and ice cream.  This was kind of good for me because I hate hosting things.  But this was just kind of thrown together last minute, and it was actually really fun.  It made me think that maybe I might not hate hosting things all the time.  Maybe.  Also, it made me think that there are some really neat ladies in my life here and I'm grateful for them.
  
  
• This little miss had her very first ballet class on Monday.  It was kind of horrible.  I loaded all the kids in the car with just enough time to get there.  Turned the key. . .dead battery.  I was so bugged.  I would normally not have cared too much about missing one class- but- she was dressed, so excited, and she had already missed the very first class the week before.  So I was determined to get her there no matter what.  I called a bunch of friends until one picked up, and asked her if she could help me right that second.  She hopped in her car and came right over and stayed at my house while I took her car to the class.  She was a lifesaver, and Ellery was able to make it to over half of the class.  Parents wait outside the door and so I just sent her in and off she went.  She learned to point her toes.  It is precious to see her do it.
  
  
• I'm trying not to be bugged that her teacher said that her ballet slippers are "too hard".  She told me where I could buy real, softer ones.  Um, did you know that my child is three and I already bought her these hard shoes?  And also, did you know that buying new shoes would be like paying for half of the class again?  Yeah, she'll be doing ballet in her bare tights.  So serious.
  

• This picture was taken after class was over.  I couldn't even get one of her inside because I was banished to the hallway.  Awhile ago I tried to implement Monday Bun-day in our house.  I like to put Elle's hair in a messy bun because it's easy and cute.  She prefers her hair long and wild, but will tolerate pony tails pretty well.  Not buns.  So I tried to talk all about Monday Bun-day  and it didn't fly with this girl.  Until ballet that is.  Now I can frequently hear her telling her girls, "I like buns now." and Monday Bun-day is a real thing!
  
  
• This is what happens when I'm on the phone:
  

• I was talking to the doctor's office and McKay could not stop bugging me about tricking Elle (see April Fool's) that he had blood coming out of his mouth.  He was jabbing a marker at me and would not leave me alone no matter what I tried to silently mouth to him.  I finally just grabbed the marker and drew a little line of blood by his mouth.  After I finished on the phone he came over to me and was as proud as ever of his art work.  I was not happy and he was shocked when he saw my reaction because he was under the impression that I wanted him to draw all over his face with a red marker.  Don't know how we got so off there.  But I snapped this picture right after I told him that the red would never come off.
  
  
• Today my little girls were twinners.  Ellery was very happy about this.  Layla wore a headband all day today- which is a first.  Also, several people at church said she looks just like me.   I love my cute girls.
  

• This little babe is kind of sort of interested in crawling.  I thought she might be happy just sitting on her little bum forever, but the last couple weeks she's started moving and wiggling and getting kind of getting into the crawling position.  She goes forward onto her hands all the time now and sometimes when I get her after a nap she's wiggled all the way out of her swaddle and is sideways in her crib- and she couldn't be prouder about it too.
  

• I guess some of you might want to know how my lumbar puncture was.  Ah, I'm just glad it's over.  I had to be admitted temporarily, like a same-day surgery, and so for the first couple hours we just hung out in a little hospital room and waited.  I was wearing a paper gown.  It was not my favorite.  Right before they came to take me to the procedure room I began sweating- really, really, really sweating and my arms went all tingly.  I had been fasting since dinner the night before and so I had a teensy blood sugar thing going on, but the PA gave me some juice (oh sweet juice!) and graham crackers and after a few minutes I was feeling better.  So then she did it and I hated it, but also it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would.  It was really uncomfortable, and hurt a bit, but was mostly just a really disturbing, unnatural feeling with lots of pressure- for twenty minutes.  Yuck, sorry, you probably don't even want to think about it too much.
  
  

• Bad pic from Brian's phone.  I know I can't be picky, but I would have liked to have cuter hair for my lumbar puncture.  After laying down on it all day, it was especially frizzy.  See the paper gown that I hate?  It was plastic inside, so when I got hot, it was just a mess.  Also, you could stick a vacuum thing into it and it would blow warm or cool air inside.  That was the only cool part about the gown.
  
  
• A word about Brian.  It's kind of handy to have a medical professional as a husband in situations like this.  I was glad he was there.  He was able to stay with me the whole time and knew exactly what everything meant and what they were doing- he could have even done it for me!  He was sweet.  Also, he's really smart.  Just in case you didn't know that already.
  
  
• After the procedure I had to lay down on my back for the rest of the day.  I thought I would love this but when you have to lay on your back only for a day it's not as fun as you might think.  I wanted to roll onto my side so, so, so bad.  Also, laying around sounds fun, but actually isn't.  Anyway, my back was really, really sore and achy the first day and night.  I had to sleep on the hump (middle of our bed- does yours have a hump too?) because it was more firm for my back, and so Brian and I actually slept next to each other that night.  It was kind of exciting.  The next morning I was worried that my back might never be the same, but by the middle of the day I could tell it was loosening up the more I walked around and moved.  Today it feels completely normal.
  
  
• So now we just wait.  My annoying doctor is on annoying vacation so it could be up to two weeks before we hear the results.  Or it could be later this week.  That's all just very annoying to me.  I've been feeling a lot of emotions lately, but I can't really say what I'm expecting.  I can see it going either way.  Being prepared, remember?  But I continue to hope and pray for the outcome that I want.  It's kind of funny when the nurses and doctors at the hospital (who are different from my neurologist) asked why I was getting it done, it really does sound positive.  No symptoms at all, except for a few seven months ago that didn't last very long, is very encouraging.
  
  
• Okay, shifting gears a bit.  Today we went on a family drive.  I always want to go on family drives on Sundays, but no one else ever does.  But today we did.  And it was fun!  We drove through all the back country roads behind our house and driving through the country in Oregon is really beautiful.  I said I would give a prize to whoever saw the coolest thing.  Brian saw some really cool hair sheep, which were definitely the coolest, but then McKay saw a teal barn, which happens to be his favorite color, so then, you know, we just couldn't decide.
  
  
• Ellery is obsessed with all the spring flowers that are blooming and wants to pick them constantly.  We are always talking about wild flowers and garden flowers and how you can only pick wild flowers.  Well, it's not the season for wildflowers, except for dandelions- which she picks like they're roses, but daffodils are everywhere around here.  On our drive today we came across numerous wild daffodils and we stopped so that our flower girl could get her fix.
  

• Today McKay was wondering if roosters could fly.  He concluded that they could fly a little, but that jaguars could catch them easily.  He then said, "Yeah, any creditors could catch a chicken."
  
  
• I really don't want to make anyone jealous.  And none of you should be jealous, because you all can probably afford to buy clothes wherever you want.  But I can't.  So when I walked away from Old Navy on Saturday with nine shirts, three cardigans, a pair of jeans, two jammies for Layes, pants for Elle, McKay and Layla, and a pair of leggings for me all for $60 I could have done cartwheels, even with my sore back!  I needed some new clothes desperately because I still can't fit into everything comfortably, and also I was pregnant for like fifty months so after that you just need some new things I think.  Anyway, I love a bargain.  I keep looking at the receipt and telling Brian how much everything was.  It is very exciting around here, I tell ya!
  
  
• Ah, I feel like I just ran a marathon.  Not really, but are you okay?  I feel like I just lost twenty pounds.
  
  
• Oh, and also.  I love this guy.  A lot.  He's quite remarkable if you ask me.  That little baby agrees, especially when he's playing the guitar.
  

Happy Sunday!

ms.

Everyday for the last two weeks this shirt has caught my attention.  Hanging at the end of Brian's row in our closet the words MS jump out at me every time I go in there.

I've been thinking about how he ran the Boston Marathon with the MS team three years ago.  Sometimes my mind will wonder if that was just a really weird coincidence, or if that was just a funny little piece of this puzzle of ours, that was meant to be even three years ago.  I've come up with no conclusions.  It could be either one.

Seven months ago when I first found out I could have MS and was awaiting my second, more extensive MRI results, I was surprisingly sure that the results would be good.  I remember saying to Brian, "I do not have MS." during the long days awaiting the results and I could tell that he was worried about my optimism.  Hoping I was right, preparing to help me deal if I was wrong.  I was nervous as well, but deep down inside I just kind of knew.

Now, I'm gearing up for my lumbar puncture.  Friday, to be exact.  And for some reason I'm loosing some of my cool.  I'm feeling a lot more emotions than I expected.  I'm worried.  I'm scared.  And it's not about the actual procedure, although that does come with it's fair share of fear as well.  It's about finding out.  Yes or no.  Do I have it, or do I not?

I've been thinking about some of the personal experiences I had when this first started.  Those spiritual promptings, personal revelation and even some conversations I had with different people that were very comforting and fortifying.  Now, I'm at a place where I'm still drawing on those experiences, but also having new feelings that conflict a bit with those original thoughts.  In the quiet of my dark house at night I've been getting the impression that I need to be prepared for both.  Maybe this still is an experience that is purely for learning and growing and nothing permanent will come of it.  I hope.  But maybe it's not.  Maybe this is just one of the many trials I will have in this life.  And if I'm honest with myself I realize that if it's not MS, it would just be something else.  We have suffering in this life.  We all have trials.  No one is spared.  It's not like if I get good news out of this than I can just relax the rest of my life.

Something that is important to me is to try not to question why.  So far, that has been relatively easy because I haven't been diagnosed with anything yet.  But this trial has been pretty monumental in my life already, even without a diagnosis.  Not knowing is hard.  And I hope that no matter what happens I can view it like I do now.  With gratitude.  This has made me better.  This has made my marriage better.  This is just part of my story- part of what I have to go through on this earth.  I understand that and can see the value in all of it.  I hope I can always understand that.  

Having your faith tried and tested is exhausting and confusing at times.  At least for me it is.  I'm still praying for my health, of course, but from a source not of my own I have come to pray that I will be prepared.  Yes or no.  It doesn't really matter as long as I'm prepared.

Also, I moved that shirt to the middle of the closet.  Finally.

thoughts on a sunday

Cute cousins.  

• Ahhh, I'm behind!  It's hard to get back to my Sunday thoughts when I skipped a week.  Now I feel like there is a million things to write about and a million more I've forgotten about.  It's much easier to keep up with it.  I'll do my best.  I hope this isn't a marathon post, but prepare yourself. . .it is me here.

• So right now I'm sitting here with my little Layes.  We're sick.  I'm feeling okay, but have to snort every five seconds or sneeze if I don't, so I thought it best if I just stay away from the good people at church.
    
• This has given me time to catch up on some blogging.  As you can see, I've posted quite a bit today.
  
  
•  We've had lots of visitors the last two weeks.  Lisa and Ashlyn left on Monday, and I picked Jana, Mark and Carson up on Wednesday morning!  It's been so great to have them all here.  It's annoying though, because me, Jana, Mark and Layla all have a yucky cold thing going on.
  
  
• When Lisa was here we thought Ellery broke her foot.  She jumped off the stairs and landed funny.  It happened right before bed and she cried for a little bit, but then went right to sleep.  We were worried when she woke up three times during the night due to pain in her foot.  That morning she woke up still crying about it and hobbling around.  I carried her up to her room and said, "Okay, you can stay here in your room and play.  I'm done carrying you." A few minutes later she ran into my room and said she was all better.  It was a miracle.  But then I noticed that she was walking on the outside of her foot and she wouldn't wear her boots because they hurt.  So that night Brian took her to the insta care to get an x-ray.  We were worried that something had fractured or broken or something, but the x-ray was clean.  She still walked funny for a couple days, but the foot's completely fine now.
  
  
• McKay started tee ball last week.  He plays for the Dodgers, much to Brian's dismay, although we are all pretending to really love the Dodgers.  I actually don't have to pretend.  Anyway, McKay is so excited about tee ball and I really wish I was there his first practice because Brian said you've never seen a kid more serious about tee ball practice in your life.  I can imagine.
     
• Lets just really talk about this tee ball thing for a second.  Brian signed him up and committed to doing everything tee ball related.  Then I started seeing emails from his coach.  Lengthy, detailed emails about tee ball practice for five year olds.  Then I saw the schedule.  Two practices a week.  A game on Saturday.   That's three days a week!  I became very concerned with tee ball taking over our lives and Brian assured me that I wouldn't have to worry.  Well, I'm still worried.  And I froze my little buns off when Brian was at the hospital 'til eight pm and I had to take McKay and Jaxon to their practice.  And just to top it all off, someone is going to Grants Pass for a month and will miss tee ball for an entire month.  So I think I really do have to worry about it.  I'm not ready for this.  I didn't grow up with brothers so this is all new and slightly ridiculous to me.  Think of me in May...
  
  
• Last week McKay had another big day at preschool.  He was the VIP.  We brought in some of his animals to show the class and gave out animal crackers.
  
  
• Brian started at the VA last week.  It has been a hard week for him, adjusting to yet another hospital, and this one is more of a challenge due to those vets- they're much sicker with a more intense health history than he's used to.  It's going to be great experience for him though.  Oh, and also,he has a pager, so he's cool.
  
  
• On Thursday he had one case that lasted ALL day- a kidney transplant.  He missed the BYU game, tee ball practice and our pizza party.  He didn't get home 'til eight and it was the longest day ever because I hand't talked to him all day.  I usually don't hear from him when he's working, because you kind of don't want your anesthesia provider to be chatting with his wife while you're in surgery.  But usually he's not ever that late.  I was so worried and stressed by five-thirty when I hadn't heard a word, then he finally called to say he had another couple hours left.  Not sure I like the VA if this is how it's going to be...
  
  
• If you're wondering if my baby is still super naughty and waking up a billion times at night, the answer is yes.
  
  
• But she's still really cute.  She likes to drink water out of our cups and is going strong with her oatmeal cereal and some fruits and veggies for dinner.  I looked back at my calendar of McKay's first year and at seven months he was practically eating hamburgers.  Not really, but I started him at four months, so he was way beyond first stage foods at seven months.  Sometimes I think, "what was I thinking?" in regards to things I did with that boy.  I'm glad he turned out okay.
  
  
• Layla is seven months old.  She's not even close to crawling a little bit yet.  Tummy time is non-existent, unless she tips over.  This is okay with me because I do not need a little crawler around here- eating legos and polly pocket shirts.  She sits up like a champ and that's what she does all day long.  Sits and plays.  I don't have all the equipment that I had with my other two and I guess having two older siblings makes up for the entertainment she's not getting from a saucer.
  
  
• Little miss Elle is gearing up for her first ballet class.  She is about to die. 

Happy Sunday.

late

Last November Brian's family had a reunion in Moab for Thanksgiving.  I've been meaning to blog about, well, ever since it happened, because I don't want to forget the memories we made and of course wanted to document the pictures.  I didn't want a post from November hanging around in March the next year, so I put it where it's supposed to be and you can click here if you want to read it.