day one

So it's finally here.  Day one done out of 56.  

I drove Brian to the airport early this morning.    

Yesterday was a hard day.  Our last day.  

I could have cried every time I looked at him.  

I did sometimes.

I thought this morning would be harder.  

I could have hugged him for an hour right there on the drop-off curb.  

I hated seeing him walk away.  

A few tears came as said goodbye, 

and a few more as I listened to Celine Dion sing about lonely hearts on the radio.

Then I thought "how silly" and turned it off.

I talked to him five times today.

I loved picturing him riding his bike to get groceries.

Not just any bike either, a beach cruiser!

But, this is not going to be easy.

A shack.

Cockroaches instead of roommates.  

And humidity.

I could go on, but he wouldn't want me to.

Up until this morning I kept worrying about me.

How am I going to do this?

Now my focus has shifted.

I suddenly realize I should have been thinking more about him.

I hate that he has to do this.

But I know he will.  

He's amazingly strong.

My heart is just hurting. . .for lots of reasons.

But mostly, tonight it's hurting for him.

October 8th can't come soon enough.

thoughts on a sunday

• This might be my last post for a bit.  We're going to Utah this week and I just might take a blog vacation like I did last time.  But.  Brian will be all alone in Florida, so I'm sure he'd appreciate the updates.  So I can't really decide.  I guess we'll see.

• So yes, the time has finally come for Brian to do his rotation in Tampa, Florida.  He flies out on Saturday morning.  For. Eight. Weeks.  We're just trying not to think about it too much, and we've been trying to really enjoy our last weekend all together.  Sometimes I wonder how I'm really going to do this.  I can hardly handle him being gone for twelve hours a day.  I feel like lately I've been barely hanging on with just that.  I already miss him.

• October seriously can't come soon enough.  He's going to miss a lot- Layla's birthday, Mack's birthday and the first day of Kindergarten.  At least he'll be back in time for Ellery's.  After this Florida rotation I feel like we can just fly through the rest until he graduates.  Nothing can be worse than being on completely opposite ends of the country.  Seriously, how much farther could he get from Oregon?

• I've been trying to knock a million things off my list to do before we leave.  This week I started the startings of a mom-preschool, made strawberry jam, did a bunch of errands, and took family pictures.  I still have a lot to do before Thursday, including finishing this preschool thing, and cleaning our house and carpets, and packing, and laundry, and going to the library.  Maybe that doesn't seem like a lot, but I like a simple schedule and mine seems too cluttered this week.  

• Layla has had diarrhea for the last week and a half.  I have no idea why and I don't need to talk in depth about it, but she has got the meanest case of diaper rash I've ever had in a child.  It just won't go away.  We tried Desitin, we tried Eucerin, we tried the fungal stuff that Grandma told us about and we even went out and bought Butt Paste for the first time ever and none of them are working.  She screams every time we change her (which has been about four times a day) and has been having lots of baths, which she loves.  I do not love how she's been going in the middle of the night.  What is wrong with her, really?

• McKay gave a talk in primary today.  The topic was The Temple is a House of God.  I wrote out a little talk for him on Friday night.  When I started to go over it with him, I decided to see what he could  come up with on his own.  These are his thoughts on the temple (with just a bit of coaching from me, otherwise it would be two lines long :)

The temple is a house of God.  We need to be reverent when we go to the temple because it is God's house.  In the temple we can pray, read the scriptures, get married, get sealed to our families, and make special promises to Heavenly Father.  I am not old enough to go to the temple yet, but I like to walk around the temple with my family.  It makes me feel good and peaceful inside.  

• I think that's a pretty sweet talk from a five year old. . .except the part about special promises.  I snuck that in there myself.  But he did great- he had most of it memorized.  I was proud of him.

• When we go to church, I feel like a complete circus.  Like really, our family is a circus.  It's embarrassing.  

• Just about the meanest thing you can say to Ellery is, "You're Mother Gothel."  She cries immediately.  And you can tell when she's really mad at you because you can bet you'll be called Mother Gothel on the spot.

• Ellery has been really fascinated by the fact that someday Brian will be her baby's grandpa and I will be their grandma.  This is really great news for her and she talks about it all the time.   She's even going so far as calling her sister Aunt Layla.

• I have been loving Fridays because those are Brian's days off.  I always want to remember Friday morning this week.  All five of us.  In our bed.  Snuggling and talking and laughing.  Then we had donuts for breakfast.  What could be better?

• Layla has been saying more and more words lately.  She can say hi, daddy, momma, bye bye, and uh oh.  My favorite is when she says hi.  She has this little sing-song way of saying it and its' really cute.  This morning she was saying "maya" over and over and over while holding onto one of Ellery's stuffed bears.  Finally the kids determined that she had named the bear Maya and Ellery was thrilled with the new title.  

• Layla's on a little aggressive streak though.  I nurse her three times a day now- early morning, mid-afternoon and right before bed.  Anyway, she doesn't take too long to eat, but if I'm not getting swatted in the face by her little hands, I'm getting bitten.  And these swats to the face aren't just playful and sweet, they are serious and deliberate and hard.  It's getting kind of scary for me.

• She's had a couple of passing out episodes since the big one last week, and I am afraid that I'm never going to let her cry hard, ever.  But now, every time she cries McKay yells, "She's  passing out!" and she never really is.  Now I think that he thinks that her crying is passing out.  We're all a bit confused.  

• I am quite impressed with the kid's primary teachers.  Ellery has been going on and on about Shadrak, Meshack and Abednego.  She loves to say, "Their heads didn't hurt.  Their arms didn't hurt.  Their legs didn't hurt.  Jesus was with them in the fire."  Today she learned about Joseph and his coat of many colors.  McKay told us the story of Heleman and the stripling warriors today at dinner.  His area of emphasis was that their mother's taught them how to fight.  :)

• Brian just had to fork over some more money to get a Washington nursing license.  He's now licensed in four states.  He'll be going to Seattle Children's hospital sometime this Fall, which was not in his original schedule.  He's been busy getting his resume and references all squared away and now the job hunt has officially begun!

• He's a good husband.  I like him a lot.

• I finally decided it was time to tell the kids my black widow story.  I have avoided it up til now because I thought it would scare them.  But they totally loved it, and are now constantly on the hunt for black widows.  The fact that it was in my bed hasn't crossed over in their minds yet, which is what I was worried about.  Maybe I'll have to share that story on the blog another day. 

• Today we got a new relief society presidency.  There was a very sweet, tender spirit in relief society today and I was touched by the thoughts of the new presidency.  I hugged Stephanie, the old  rs president, after the meeting and as I was thanking her for all she's done for me and telling her how amazing she is, I just couldn't hold back the tears.  We both cried has we hugged and I know almost every woman in our ward could have had that same interaction with her today, and many did.  Never has anyone's example touched me in such a way.  She is about as close to perfect as I've ever seen and I feel so honored to have been able to have her in my life in that capacity, even if it just might be a few short years.  I have never seen anyone so genuinely and sincerely give their love to others the way she does.  I write this down only to be able to remember how amazing she is, and how she has truly changed my life.  But of course, how could I forget that?

• So I mentioned that we took a few family pictures today.  I wanted to get them done before Brian left. And when I say "get them done" I  mean have my friend Starr, who is not a photographer, be our photographer.  We had gotten into position and had taken maybe five shots when suddenly, a bird that was perched high above us in a tree pooped right on Layla!  It was quite a shock for all of us and I was totally horrified, but laughing so hard at the same time.  It got on her headband, her cheek, and the big whammy on her shoulder.  She didn't seem to mind though, and we were all grateful that it landed where it did and not in anyone's hair.  McKay wasn't sure he could ever touch her again.  

Happy Sunday!

a thought

"Through our trials we learn who we are."

- someone at church

I was filing a stack of papers today and found some notes I had taken during church a few weeks back.  As I read this one again it struck me how much I completely agree with this statement.
Just thought I'd share.

triathletes

McKay and Brian participated in a local family triathlon on Saturday.  

Swimming one mile:

Biking one mile:

Running one mile:

This is not a picture of them finishing, because by the time I got over to the running finish line from the biking finish line, they were done!  I couldn't believe how fast they did it.  I was sad to have missed them cross the finish line, but happy to see all the local missionaries cheering on all the runners (our stake was one of the sponsors for this event).  It was really precious.  

But back to my triathletes.  It was so fun watching them do this together.  McKay has shown a great deal of determination in these types of physical activities, and he pushes himself really hard to do his best, which we are so proud of.  

Brian is so happy to have a little buddy who loves to do things like this with him.  It really was cute to watch them.  I'm glad they have each other- they make a good team.  Mack is pretty lucky to have such a great dad .    

McKay was pretty nervous for the swim, the first event, but so excited too.  Then on to the bike race.  Riding his bike is about as good as it gets for him.  But racing his bike?  Heaven.  The run is where this little man's endurance came through and he refused to rest or slow down and pushed himself through the whole mile.  Pretty good for a five year old.

Obviously this was geared towards kids and families.  I was so impressed with the whole event.  It was a really fun day.  Here, Elle is admiring McKay's new medal, and we've promised her that she can get one herself next year. . .

thoughts on a sunday

• Good news!  It's summer!!!  My depression is lifting and I am happy!  It's been in the eighties this week and it's been fantastic.  We've played in the sprinklers, eaten popsicles, blown up the pool, swam in a real pool and just done summery things that we've been missing.  Everyone hopes that summer is here to stay for awhile.  Yay!

• So, we've been doing lots in the water, and that makes me think of my biggest water baby of all time.  Layla loves the water so much and is never happier than when she's wet.  We were at a splash park a couple weeks ago and it was kind of a cloudy/cooler day.  I decided to let her get wet, but figured she would get cold and be done within a few minutes.  Not so.  She lasted as long as the other kids and was soaking wet, playing with the spray fountains that come out of the ground.  She was freezing, but she didn't even notice, she was having so much fun.  Makes me sad that I rarely take the time to let her have a bath for no reason other than to play in the water.  She loves that too.

• Tonight (Saturday) Ellery said the family prayer.  I always have their clothes all laid out for church in the morning and Ellery took notice because in her prayer she said, ". . .and please bless that my pink shoes will be perfect for me tomorrow!"  Actually, there wasn't much else to the prayer, besides "please bless that the family will be good," which she says in every single prayer.  I have a suspicion that her eyes were glued to those pink shoes the whole time.

• Ellery has been pushing my buttons lately, a lot.  She is really whiney, really stubborn and really loud.  She's also sweet, adorable and funny, but it's really hard to see those qualities when she's screaming and refusing to apologize for throwing a toy at McKay.  Or when she falls apart when I send her to time out because, in sending her to timeout, I've hurt her feelings.  

• McKay is going through a weird pajama phase.  He usually ends up shirtless, with his pajama top folded beside his pillow, just in case he needs it in the night.  For some reason he is really happy about this.  

• Ellery's been going through a weird dream phase.  She's been waking up crying in the night and telling me all sorts of tales that upset her.  If it's not ladybugs swarming around her, it's that McKay ate all her food.  This morning she was really mad at McKay for eating her breakfast- like she couldn't get over it.  Ah, if it's not someone waking up at night, it's another, I guess.

• The kids and I signed up to walk a ward member's dog while she, the member, recovered from surgery.  We walked Lily four times this week and my kids loved it, although Lily had some rules attatched which made it, um, interesting.  The kids couldn't hold the leash and they were disappointed by that, but they still loved going.  I was amused that the ground was too hot for Lily so I either had to hold her or jump from shade to shade, per her owner's instruction.  Lily is an only child.

• We had a busy weekend.  Brian has Fridays off, and so we made plans to play.  On Friday we went to the Washington County Fair, and on Saturday Brian and McKay did a "triathalon" and we went berry-picking.  I guess that doesn't sound like a ton, but it sure seemed like a lot and I'm tired from it.
• I insisted Ellery and I stop at the bathroom while we were waiting for our triatheletes to finish.  She did not want to go, and as I threatened various things if she did not go, she kind of trumped them all when she pulled out, "Well, then I will send your baby to Jesus!"  I really didn't know what to say because there were other people in the bathroom.  So I just said nothing, and she didn't pee, and I still have my baby.  Seriously, what do I do with that girl?

• So Brian is still hanging out in the Sunnyside OR, and it's starting to get to me.  I am so glad that he's in the same state as me, don't get me wrong, but when he leaves before six a.m. and comes home at close to seven p.m. I kind of can't handle it.  The kids see him  for an hour and a half, maybe.  He doesn't have cell phone coverage in the OR, so I never even talk to him during the day and I never know when he's going to be home, until he leaves.  Figuring out dinner with someone who never knows when he'll be home is tricky.  I guess I should say that sometimes he's home at five-thirty or six, but it seems like those later days are getting more frequent.  I just keep telling myself it's better than Florida.

• Which I guess brings me to Florida.  We have two weeks left.  Two weeks together.  Then eight weeks apart.  Then actually more time apart after that, but at least we'll both be in Oregon and he'll come on the weekends.  Then he's going to Gold Beach for a month and a half.  Then he graduates in December. Then I'm going to cry (happy tears).  Then we're going to Disneyland!  Anyway that's what the rest of our year looks like and honestly, after Florida I will feel so much relief.  After Florida we'll just have a couple months left.  I can't wait for October!

• Layla gave us quite a scare this week.  We are such awful parents and you won't believe it, but we both walked out of the kitchen at the same time and left Layla there on the floor!  (note: she can crawl) Well, she couldn't believe that we could do such a thing to her and proceeded let out a cry like I've never heard before.  It was one of those ones where she couldn't even breathe, she was so mad.  And then she kept not breathing.  Then she couldn't hold her head up, due to the lack of breathing, and knocked it on the floor.  She has never done this before, so Brian and I just kind of watched her for a second.  When she hit her head a second time Brian ran to pick her up and she continued to hold her breath.  (I used to do this as a baby, and so have several of Lisa's kids.)  She passed out and went limp in Brian's arms.  Again, I've seen my nephew Bryce do this when he was a baby, so at this point I wasn't totally alarmed.  I expected her to come to in a couple seconds.  She did not.  A few more. . .nothing.  She then started shaking.  Yep, she was seizing.  I was pretty concerned, but also knew that a little convulsing was, again, normal with the breath holding.  I kept asking Brian if she had stopped, because I couldn't look at her.  I am horrible, I know, but I didn't want to see her shaking with her eyes all rolled back and hearing the sound she was making was bad enough.  So I was hopping around not-looking and starting to panic.  I ushered the kids not so nicely upstairs and then began to panic even more.  Brian is so good in these situations, but also totally annoying because he goes as silent as a mouse.  He is really calm and smart in emergencies, but when you're freaking out and he's thinking quietly about what to do it might drive you a bit crazy.  So, at this point I was asking if I should call an ambulance, and he was still being silent, and I was still not looking at her, and feeling guilty about it, and Brian was reviewing infant CPR in his quiet mind, and Layla was just laying there shaking and breathing funny and totally gone.  It was AWFUL.  But I must say, having gone through it with Ellery already, I knew that she was not going to die from it, and so it wasn't as terrifying as that first one Elle had.  Still, really, really awful.  Finally, after over a minute had gone by, she stopped.  Now, I was certain tha it had been like twenty minutes, but Brian kindly pointed out that time seems to stand still in those situations and that it was more likely around a minute.  But still, that's long enough.  She was immediately tired and then the crying started and didn't really stop for about an hour.  She was confused and who knows what else she was feeling and I just held her and talked to her while she cried.  We talked to our pediatrician and told him the whole story and he assured us that it was normal and told us a few things to look out for.  I'm so glad she's okay and so glad that Brian was home.  She is now totally fine and I will definitely never leave her alone in the kitchen again.  Poor baby Layes.  

• That was long.  I guess I'll end on that note.

Happy Sunday!

thoughts from utah

I don't want to forget the lovely time we had in Utah.  I was overwhelmed explaining all the pictures, and I really didn't take all that many pictures.  But I wanted to make sure and record some of my favorite memories from our month-long stay in Utah this summer.

• Running with my dad every morning.  I was spoiled.  I had a human alarm clock and a built-in babysitter.  My parents are the best.  My dad was so motivating and did you forget that he's 70, because as I ran along side him each morning I did.  How often do you get to spend one-on-one time with a parent (without kids)?  Not very often.  I cherish those mornings.  And bless my mom for taking care of my children while we ran.  It's pretty much thanks to her that Layla got on such a good routine while we were there.  She takes such good care of my babies and I'm so grateful.
• That was long, they won't all be that long. :)
• McKay playing Nintendo every morning- and riding his bike along the track every day. . .multiple times a day.
• Trying to catch a frog with the nephews and niece.  It was too windy.
• Making banana boats in the campfire.
• A girls night- up to Tai Pan and Gardner Village!
• Lisa's emergency appendectomy.
• A sleepover at Jana's- Mark gave up his bed and slept on the couch for our sleepover.  I love him.
• He made me breakfast in the morning. . .which was a little rushed. . .and called to talk to us about how it really was on his way to work.  I really love him!
• Shopping for baby girl's nursery. . .a lot!
• Getting my hair done with Jana and going to Kneader's for lunch after.  Both were heavenly.  Thanks to my Nonnie. :)
• The first grandchild (on my side) to graduate high school- way to go Rylee!
• The kids reading "just one more book" with Nonnie nearly every night.
• Finding a dead mole in the backyard- the kids were completely transfixed by this mole.
• Golf ball hunting with quite a bit of success- nearly every day!
• Oh, there's so much more. . .but that's all for now!

wanted: new five year old neighbor

McKay's best little neighbor friend Isabella moved to Utah last week.  They are from Brazil and aren't members of the church, and I so hope they have a good experience living in Orem.  

They were such cute little friends, and let me tell you, this one has some sass.  She is the most polite, sweet, obedient little girl, but boy does she not let anyone boss her around, and she sure knows what she wants.  Brian and I loved her and even when she was being a stinker, we could only laugh because she was such a cute one.

These two were pretty sad on moving day.  We took Isabella to the water park with us so her family could pack and on the way home McKay was starting to feel it and by the time we got home, little tears were being held in.  Then the next time we saw her to say goodbye she was sobbing and saying how much she was going to miss McKay.  It was pretty adorable and sad to see how they both handled it.

Now, I'm the one who's feeling it.  Because McKay is asking me everyday if he can invite a friend over.  It was so convenient when the friend lived right next door.  That is one thing I miss most about living in Utah- having neighbors!  Being a stay-at-home mom is so rare around here and on my street I am pretty much the only one.  I miss chatting with whoever is outside at any given time on any given day.  I miss having nice kids that my kids can play with who we don't have to drive to go see.  I miss having neighbors home during the day doing exactly what I'm doing.

Oh well.  Now I'm just praying that we get a nice five year old to move in next door.  One can hope!

so naughty. . .

But I totally let her do it anyway.

What?

It's kind of her favorite thing.

her

Laysie Daisy, Laylee, Laysie Lou, Monkey, Layes, , Layla Annie, Layla boo boo, Sweetie Baby, Sweetie Bee, Sumpus or Kevin. . .

Doesn't really matter what you call this cute face.

I'm totally in love with it.

our dodger

So proud of our little tee ball player.  

He enjoyed the season.

He would occasionally get distracted.

He would practice with his dad every spare minute.

He's a lefty.

He stopped using the tee half way through the season.

He loved being part of a team.

His bum was so small in those white baseball pants.

His face was priceless when he was doing something he was proud of.

He asked to be the catcher every single game.

He was number four.

He got a trophy and that is about as good as it gets for a five year old boy.

number one fans

May 9

I won't be able to think of McKay's first tee ball experience without thinking about some groupies over in Utah who made a fourteen hour drive to see my son play baseball.  Yeah, they really did.  

We didn't tell the kids they were coming and they walked up to the playground as McKay was going across the monkey bars.  Ellery spotted them first and her face was the best.  They were so surprised and thrilled to see Grandma and Grandad at our house!  It was so fun to have them for a couple days!

This little girl was funny when Grandma held her for the first time.  She didn't cry, just held Grandma at a comfortable distance with that arm and studied her with a frown.  She warmed up by the end. :)

My kids are so lucky to have such great grandparents.  

McKay's already invited them to attend a soccer game in the Fall. . .

not very sunny around here

I'm sure most of the country would look at the Pacific Northwest forecast and just about die to be here right now.  High seventies, partyly couldy skies today.  Sounds pretty good.  But guess what?  It's not.

I've been waiting and waiting for summer to come.  It's July 26th and I still feel like it's not summer.  Where's the heat?  When can I pull out our blow-up pool and let the kids run around in the sprinkler?  I'm beginning to think that it's never.  We've been teased here and there with a warm day, even a few hot ones.  But a few hot days is not enough.  I need summer.

I've lived here in Portland for two years now, and there have been times in the winter, and even the first spring that we were here where I got down with the weather.  It can really get to you.  But never have I ever been as effected by the weather as I am right now.  It's is killing me.  I can almost tell before I even get out of bed what kind of day it is outside just by how I feel.

I miss Utah today.