easter weekend

We had a beautiful Easter weekend, which included the nicest weather we've had all year.  Um, to say I've been stressing about Easter (again) is kind of an understatement- there's just so many ways you can do it and trying to blend traditions and make new ones has not been the easiest thing for me to figure out.  But this year I made a plan.  And it went well, although I'm sure I'll be tweaking it for years to come.  At least we have a plan!  But enough talking about Easter, here's our weekend:

Friday:  

 Miss Layla lunging towards some empty eggs.  

 Sadly, pink is the only color that didn't really do much dying, much to Ellery's dismay.  

Orange is her next favorite color, so at least there was that.  

 McKay put on a HUGE tee shirt for this.  He was really into making stripes on his eggs.

Brian's been waiting all year for a warm enough day to set up his tent and water proof it.  Friday was the lucky day, and the kids played house in this tent for over an hour.

Also, we got to go on a date...without kids!  It was quick, but it was a date.  My sweet friend offered to watch the kids and Layla cried for her, but that's to be expected.

Saturday:

 My kids had no idea that they would be hunting for eggs when they woke up.  

This was kind of weird because there was zero anticipation.  Something I would do differently next year.  That magic was just missing.

They still had fun though, and each had a different room to hunt in.  

Layla didn't hunt, but she was just as pleased with her easter basket full of paper grass and her flower headband.  

 McKay's last three tee ball games have been cancelled, so we were all excited when it was 70+ degrees outside on Saturday.  I didn't get a picture of the athlete, but here we are camped out watching.  

About, oh I don't know, once a year, Brian makes himself a big steak.  This was the special day and here is his big old steak.  After he ate this he decided that it might become a once a month steak.  I like to dip my veggies in A-1.  Ellery ate a roll and that's it for dinner.  McKay loves steak and was moaning during each bite.  Poor deprived boy.

After playing outside ALL day, I decided that Ellery and I could use a good pedicure, 

and Layla hung around to watch.  

Sunday:

Family pic before church.  

If Ellery doesn't want to have her picture taken, it's pretty obvious.  This was one of those times.  But, my girls looked adorable and I am still shocked at myself for how much I enjoy dressing them alike.  

Easter scripture activity after church.  

Then off to the Eddington's for a delicious Easter dinner.  It was a lovely weekend!

results

Brian had Friday off.  We had been planning on going to the temple on Wednesday.  But that didn't happen.  So then it was Friday morning.  In the temple I thought, "I think they're going to call while I'm here."  They being the doctor's office with the results from my lumbar puncture.  The answer.

I checked my phone as soon as we got in the car.  Nothing.

We picked up the kids and were just about to turn into our neighborhood when I got the call forty minutes later.  I grabbed Brian's hand as I answered.  I don't know if it was me or him, but our hands kept squeezing tighter and tighter together.  I listened as the lady explained who she was.  She then said these words,

"I'm calling to let you know the results of your lumbar puncture.  All the results are normal."

Normal.  I've never been so relieved to hear the word normal in all my life.  I'm so, so happy to be normal.  
I was in a bit of shock, I must admit.  For some reason I really felt that the news would be different.  I felt at peace about it- I knew it was going to be okay- but I didn't expect to be normal.

I have a doctor's appointment on Friday to go over the results and decide what, if anything, to do now.  At this point, I'm ready to just move on.  MS can be tricky to diagnose, and I know that this isn't a result that just ends it all, but I'm ready to pack it up.  I feel good about packing it up.  I'm normal.  I don't have MS.  I just have lesions in my brain. . .maybe you do too. . .who knows?  But I'm not gonna think too much about them anymore.

I will, however, never stop thinking about the gratitude I feel for this experience.  It changed me.  It helped me.  My faith, my testimony, my priorities will never be the same.

It did a lot in my little world, and that's something that I will always remember.

Thanks so much for all the thoughts, prayers, fasting and temple service that has been done on my behalf.  I really don't wish this experience for anyone, but I do wish that everyone could feel what it's like to benefit from the faith and prayers of those you love, and who love you too.  It's humbling and amazing and beautiful.  Thank you.

We're happy.  Hooray!!

thoughts on a sunday

Layla and her "da da da" outside this afternoon.

• Layes has started saying da da da.  She pulls it out when she is the most happy.  This morning we asked her who she loved the best and she answered "da da da".  We all know that's not true.
  
  
• Also, she's not really saying da da, it's just a sound she's discovered.  She's also really into kissing herself over and over and over in the mirror.  My mirror is covered with baby slobber, but it's just about her favorite past time, so who am I to deny her?
  
  
• McKay is playing with Elle's barbies that were left out on the floor.  One of the barbies just sang, "And then you poop on your mom's new underwear," in a rock-n-roll sort of tune.  This can only make me smile, but then I get a little sad.  Because right now in their innocent little minds potty talk is as bad as it gets.  It will be a sad day when potty talk is no longer so dangerous.
  
  
• But the other night I had a comforting thought as I was reading the scriptures (skip if you're already bored).  Whenever I think about my children growing up in such a wicked world, and wonder how I am ever going to protect and prepare them I get anxiety.  I think about all the issues regarding same-sex marriage and homosexuality and how it's probably going to get very intense and uncomfortable at times for them to stand up for what's right.  It already is that way, and thinking of the downward spiral this world is going in as far as morality makes me so nervous.  What will it be like for them?  I shudder at the thought and get easily overwhelmed.  As I was reading, I thought about the stripling warriors and how they were so young and so few in number, fighting against such a large and gruesome army of Lamanites. Logistically they didn't have a chance.  But because they fought for the Lord they defeated the Lamanites and not one was lost.  Not one.  This makes me think of the amazing children we're raising, and how in this world, we are few in number, and our children are young, and we're going up against the wickedness that the world is trying to call normal- Satan himself, a large and powerful army.  But we're fighting for what's right.  And our children have been saved for this time.  We're on the Lord's side and He can make up for a lot, and when I think about it like that, it's not so scary.  I don't know, maybe this thought isn't original, but it was new to me and its helped me to not fear the future as much, but take comfort in the fact that even though we're small in number, the fight is still worth fighting.
  
  
• Brian just discovered that I start sentences with "and".  I do it all the time, totally on purpose.  I know that it's not correct, but a lot of the time it just feels right.  Brian's not sure he can read my blog anymore.  And that's a price I'm willing to pay.
  
  
• We taught McKay's primary class today.  I was excited to be able to spy on Ellery in primary, but she was excited that we were there too, and had a hard time not turning around and waving every two minutes.  McKay felt so cool that we were his teachers, and it made us have sympathy for his real teachers.  He's a good boy, but he likes to talk way off subject and loves more than anything to make his friends laugh.  Those poor women.
  
  
• I can't get Layla to eat breakfast.  She's not interested.  Dinner is really the only time she'll eat baby food.  And she's picky too.  She likes veggies, especially the green ones, but she's not a fan of fruit -quite yet.
  
  
• Ellery's ballet class is going okay.  I say just okay because last week she was the only girl who had to come out and use the bathroom.  Except, she didn't have to use the bathroom.  She just said that so that she could come out and ask for a drink.  She is the youngest, by far, and I think ballet might be a little too serious for her right now.  She likes it, and loves to get dressed up and she loves the idea of it all, but I think it's obvious that she's a little bored.  Next time we'll definitely try something a little more upbeat.
  
  
• So far, three of McKay's tee ball games have been cancelled because of rain.  That's just life around here, I guess.  He's taken it pretty well, and was happy to get all dressed up in his uniform on Saturday for team pictures, even though the game was cancelled.
  
  
• The VA is slowly sucking the life out of my husband.  I'm okay with this though, because when the VA is over, that's when he goes to Grants Pass.  So I want it to last as long as possible.  
  
  
• My mom and dad sent us an Easter package this week.  It was like Christmas morning in a box!  The kids eyes were huge when we opened it and they saw all the fun things inside.  We definitely got spoiled by Grammy and Poppy and it was such a fun thing for a not so fun week of waiting.
  
  
• There was an afternoon this week where my kids were both asked to play at friends' houses and Layla and I got to run errands with just each other.  It was so nice to just have one child to take around with me.  McKay even had dinner with the missionaries at his friend's house.  I'm so grateful for all the friends my kids have in this ward.  There is no shortage of children in our ward, and McKay, Ellery, and even Layla all have lots of kids their age to play with.
  
  
• McKay is into saying really long prayers.  Some new items of thanks are animals, sea creatures and cozy beds.  He really does say sweet prayers though- and I'm always impressed when I hear him pray for those who are sick and struggling.  It makes me happy.  It's cute to hear him repeat phrases that he's heard other people use, even though he might not know what he's saying.
  
  
• If you didn't already know, Ellery is quite a loud child.  Like really, really loud.  She can be as sweet and mild as can be, but by default she is loud and uninhibited with her voice.
  
• All week Ellery has been telling Brian she loves him.  Then he'll say, "I love you more." and she'll say, "I love you most."  He was feeling quite tender about this frequent little exchange they were having until I told him that it was a line from Tangled.
  
  
• Speaking of Tangled, my mom sent Ellery a little Rapunzel figure.  The three inch tall doll has about ten inches of hair.    By day one I decided it had to be braided.  Ellery was okay with this for a day, but then out came the braid.  Now, on day five Rapunzel is half way to one huge dread lock.  It can't be brushed, and Ellery keeps putting it in a pony tail and taking it out.  Rapunzel's hair is so tangled that her arms frequently get stuck in her hair and her face is almost always buried in the rats nest.  Amazingly, Ellery doesn't mind at all and thinks she's as beautiful as ever.  

Happy Sunday!

time for some art

McKay:

He's really into these hand turkeys.  He learned it at school.  There's nothing wrong with turkeys in April.


****


Ellery:

A girl.  In a long, pink dress.  What else would it be?

Maybe a kitty?  With a nose.  And two boogies in it.  (That's a quote.)


Love my little artists.

thoughts on a sunday. . .with pictures

Special Edition today...

• On April Fools Day McKay had a field trip to the fire station that we all got to go to in the morning, and so after we got home I made them a sneaky little lunch.  We hadn't discussed anything about April Fool's, so they didn't suspect at all.  I made them "grilled cheese sandwiches" which were actually toasted pound cake with orange frosting and "fruit punch" which was Jello with straws in it.  McKay didn't notice until he took a bit and tried to drink, but Ellery didn't notice at all.  She picked up her sandwich and started eating without a word. She nearly ate the whole thing before I told her what it was.  I love how she just didn't question why her sandwich was sweet and just ate up.  McKay especially loved this, and ever since then they both keep saying things and then yelling, "April Fools!"

• About the fire station.  Let it be known that if I were a man I would be a fireman.
  
  
• The weather here has been better lately.  Still a bit cool, but got a great day where we spent hours outside.  I actually got a sunburn!  It was wonderful.  I can't wait to spend more days outside.  Spring is here. . .I hope!

• The kids are way into doing this on the swings.  We call it a tornado.
  

• This little lady now has her very own sippy cup.  I feel like a first time mom with this girl.  Mostly because I've slowly been introducing solids and who ever knows what they're doing when they're introducing solids?  Not me.  Right now she's eating dinner- two jars!- and this week I just started breakfast.  I think I finally have a schedule that we're going to try to follow, but really I'll probably just feed her every two hours until she's morbidly obese and Brian puts and end to it.
  

• Actually, because of my lumbar puncture, I couldn't lift her or get up with her for a night and daddy was on duty.  The next morning he woke up, looked at me and said, "This has to stop.  We're letting her cry tonight."  At that point he didn't even know that I had secretly gotten up with her once during the night.  I was happy that he realized what I've been doing for the last seven months, and I just needed him on board because part of me feeding her so often was to let him sleep at night and I just needed someone to help us.
  
  
• So last night was the night!  She was still up every two hours, but the longest she cried was 30 minutes.  And she didn't cry so much as she just kind of yelled.  I felt bad, but it wasn't as hard as I thought it
  would be.  Life is changing for this baby.  We'll see how she does tonight.
  
  
• Also, it should be noted that Brian wanted to give up when he thought of her doing it again tonight.  We most definitely won't be giving up.  We're in it 'til the end!
  
  
• We enjoyed General Conference last weekend, although by the end of Sunday McKay was openly declaring that he hated it.  So I guess Brian and I enjoyed it.  Conference is good.  Really, really good.  It evokes in us a desire and hope to change.  And brings words of comfort and fortifying peace.  I can't wait to read them all again.  

• I tried a few little things to get the kids through it.  One was having snacks for certain words that were said.  If we heard the word, then we could take a snack from that bowl.  I love this idea, and the kids were really into it for about twenty minutes, but I think next time I would just do one word with one bowl.  It was a little too much for them.  Also they can't read, so there's that.
  
  
• If you were wondering, faith was said the very most.  Those were the raisins, good thing.  I wish they would have said service more. . .those were the candy bars.

• This little man had his first tee ball game.  It didn't rain, well, not really anyway, but it was FREEZING. Ellery made a little cave under a blanket and didn't really even pop her head out once.  McKay did great and tee ball is funny.  The kids are just all over the place.  He was way into it though, and even got to play catcher.  We were proud parents as the ball was thrown home several times and he just watched it roll on by as he was squatting there with all his gear on.  So cute!  I'm still not totally comfortable with tee ball being part of my life, but I'm getting there.  

• After his game, Brian went to priesthood session and I had a few friends over to play and eat pizza and ice cream.  This was kind of good for me because I hate hosting things.  But this was just kind of thrown together last minute, and it was actually really fun.  It made me think that maybe I might not hate hosting things all the time.  Maybe.  Also, it made me think that there are some really neat ladies in my life here and I'm grateful for them.
  
  
• This little miss had her very first ballet class on Monday.  It was kind of horrible.  I loaded all the kids in the car with just enough time to get there.  Turned the key. . .dead battery.  I was so bugged.  I would normally not have cared too much about missing one class- but- she was dressed, so excited, and she had already missed the very first class the week before.  So I was determined to get her there no matter what.  I called a bunch of friends until one picked up, and asked her if she could help me right that second.  She hopped in her car and came right over and stayed at my house while I took her car to the class.  She was a lifesaver, and Ellery was able to make it to over half of the class.  Parents wait outside the door and so I just sent her in and off she went.  She learned to point her toes.  It is precious to see her do it.
  
  
• I'm trying not to be bugged that her teacher said that her ballet slippers are "too hard".  She told me where I could buy real, softer ones.  Um, did you know that my child is three and I already bought her these hard shoes?  And also, did you know that buying new shoes would be like paying for half of the class again?  Yeah, she'll be doing ballet in her bare tights.  So serious.
  

• This picture was taken after class was over.  I couldn't even get one of her inside because I was banished to the hallway.  Awhile ago I tried to implement Monday Bun-day in our house.  I like to put Elle's hair in a messy bun because it's easy and cute.  She prefers her hair long and wild, but will tolerate pony tails pretty well.  Not buns.  So I tried to talk all about Monday Bun-day  and it didn't fly with this girl.  Until ballet that is.  Now I can frequently hear her telling her girls, "I like buns now." and Monday Bun-day is a real thing!
  
  
• This is what happens when I'm on the phone:
  

• I was talking to the doctor's office and McKay could not stop bugging me about tricking Elle (see April Fool's) that he had blood coming out of his mouth.  He was jabbing a marker at me and would not leave me alone no matter what I tried to silently mouth to him.  I finally just grabbed the marker and drew a little line of blood by his mouth.  After I finished on the phone he came over to me and was as proud as ever of his art work.  I was not happy and he was shocked when he saw my reaction because he was under the impression that I wanted him to draw all over his face with a red marker.  Don't know how we got so off there.  But I snapped this picture right after I told him that the red would never come off.
  
  
• Today my little girls were twinners.  Ellery was very happy about this.  Layla wore a headband all day today- which is a first.  Also, several people at church said she looks just like me.   I love my cute girls.
  

• This little babe is kind of sort of interested in crawling.  I thought she might be happy just sitting on her little bum forever, but the last couple weeks she's started moving and wiggling and getting kind of getting into the crawling position.  She goes forward onto her hands all the time now and sometimes when I get her after a nap she's wiggled all the way out of her swaddle and is sideways in her crib- and she couldn't be prouder about it too.
  

• I guess some of you might want to know how my lumbar puncture was.  Ah, I'm just glad it's over.  I had to be admitted temporarily, like a same-day surgery, and so for the first couple hours we just hung out in a little hospital room and waited.  I was wearing a paper gown.  It was not my favorite.  Right before they came to take me to the procedure room I began sweating- really, really, really sweating and my arms went all tingly.  I had been fasting since dinner the night before and so I had a teensy blood sugar thing going on, but the PA gave me some juice (oh sweet juice!) and graham crackers and after a few minutes I was feeling better.  So then she did it and I hated it, but also it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would.  It was really uncomfortable, and hurt a bit, but was mostly just a really disturbing, unnatural feeling with lots of pressure- for twenty minutes.  Yuck, sorry, you probably don't even want to think about it too much.
  
  

• Bad pic from Brian's phone.  I know I can't be picky, but I would have liked to have cuter hair for my lumbar puncture.  After laying down on it all day, it was especially frizzy.  See the paper gown that I hate?  It was plastic inside, so when I got hot, it was just a mess.  Also, you could stick a vacuum thing into it and it would blow warm or cool air inside.  That was the only cool part about the gown.
  
  
• A word about Brian.  It's kind of handy to have a medical professional as a husband in situations like this.  I was glad he was there.  He was able to stay with me the whole time and knew exactly what everything meant and what they were doing- he could have even done it for me!  He was sweet.  Also, he's really smart.  Just in case you didn't know that already.
  
  
• After the procedure I had to lay down on my back for the rest of the day.  I thought I would love this but when you have to lay on your back only for a day it's not as fun as you might think.  I wanted to roll onto my side so, so, so bad.  Also, laying around sounds fun, but actually isn't.  Anyway, my back was really, really sore and achy the first day and night.  I had to sleep on the hump (middle of our bed- does yours have a hump too?) because it was more firm for my back, and so Brian and I actually slept next to each other that night.  It was kind of exciting.  The next morning I was worried that my back might never be the same, but by the middle of the day I could tell it was loosening up the more I walked around and moved.  Today it feels completely normal.
  
  
• So now we just wait.  My annoying doctor is on annoying vacation so it could be up to two weeks before we hear the results.  Or it could be later this week.  That's all just very annoying to me.  I've been feeling a lot of emotions lately, but I can't really say what I'm expecting.  I can see it going either way.  Being prepared, remember?  But I continue to hope and pray for the outcome that I want.  It's kind of funny when the nurses and doctors at the hospital (who are different from my neurologist) asked why I was getting it done, it really does sound positive.  No symptoms at all, except for a few seven months ago that didn't last very long, is very encouraging.
  
  
• Okay, shifting gears a bit.  Today we went on a family drive.  I always want to go on family drives on Sundays, but no one else ever does.  But today we did.  And it was fun!  We drove through all the back country roads behind our house and driving through the country in Oregon is really beautiful.  I said I would give a prize to whoever saw the coolest thing.  Brian saw some really cool hair sheep, which were definitely the coolest, but then McKay saw a teal barn, which happens to be his favorite color, so then, you know, we just couldn't decide.
  
  
• Ellery is obsessed with all the spring flowers that are blooming and wants to pick them constantly.  We are always talking about wild flowers and garden flowers and how you can only pick wild flowers.  Well, it's not the season for wildflowers, except for dandelions- which she picks like they're roses, but daffodils are everywhere around here.  On our drive today we came across numerous wild daffodils and we stopped so that our flower girl could get her fix.
  

• Today McKay was wondering if roosters could fly.  He concluded that they could fly a little, but that jaguars could catch them easily.  He then said, "Yeah, any creditors could catch a chicken."
  
  
• I really don't want to make anyone jealous.  And none of you should be jealous, because you all can probably afford to buy clothes wherever you want.  But I can't.  So when I walked away from Old Navy on Saturday with nine shirts, three cardigans, a pair of jeans, two jammies for Layes, pants for Elle, McKay and Layla, and a pair of leggings for me all for $60 I could have done cartwheels, even with my sore back!  I needed some new clothes desperately because I still can't fit into everything comfortably, and also I was pregnant for like fifty months so after that you just need some new things I think.  Anyway, I love a bargain.  I keep looking at the receipt and telling Brian how much everything was.  It is very exciting around here, I tell ya!
  
  
• Ah, I feel like I just ran a marathon.  Not really, but are you okay?  I feel like I just lost twenty pounds.
  
  
• Oh, and also.  I love this guy.  A lot.  He's quite remarkable if you ask me.  That little baby agrees, especially when he's playing the guitar.
  

Happy Sunday!

ms.

Everyday for the last two weeks this shirt has caught my attention.  Hanging at the end of Brian's row in our closet the words MS jump out at me every time I go in there.

I've been thinking about how he ran the Boston Marathon with the MS team three years ago.  Sometimes my mind will wonder if that was just a really weird coincidence, or if that was just a funny little piece of this puzzle of ours, that was meant to be even three years ago.  I've come up with no conclusions.  It could be either one.

Seven months ago when I first found out I could have MS and was awaiting my second, more extensive MRI results, I was surprisingly sure that the results would be good.  I remember saying to Brian, "I do not have MS." during the long days awaiting the results and I could tell that he was worried about my optimism.  Hoping I was right, preparing to help me deal if I was wrong.  I was nervous as well, but deep down inside I just kind of knew.

Now, I'm gearing up for my lumbar puncture.  Friday, to be exact.  And for some reason I'm loosing some of my cool.  I'm feeling a lot more emotions than I expected.  I'm worried.  I'm scared.  And it's not about the actual procedure, although that does come with it's fair share of fear as well.  It's about finding out.  Yes or no.  Do I have it, or do I not?

I've been thinking about some of the personal experiences I had when this first started.  Those spiritual promptings, personal revelation and even some conversations I had with different people that were very comforting and fortifying.  Now, I'm at a place where I'm still drawing on those experiences, but also having new feelings that conflict a bit with those original thoughts.  In the quiet of my dark house at night I've been getting the impression that I need to be prepared for both.  Maybe this still is an experience that is purely for learning and growing and nothing permanent will come of it.  I hope.  But maybe it's not.  Maybe this is just one of the many trials I will have in this life.  And if I'm honest with myself I realize that if it's not MS, it would just be something else.  We have suffering in this life.  We all have trials.  No one is spared.  It's not like if I get good news out of this than I can just relax the rest of my life.

Something that is important to me is to try not to question why.  So far, that has been relatively easy because I haven't been diagnosed with anything yet.  But this trial has been pretty monumental in my life already, even without a diagnosis.  Not knowing is hard.  And I hope that no matter what happens I can view it like I do now.  With gratitude.  This has made me better.  This has made my marriage better.  This is just part of my story- part of what I have to go through on this earth.  I understand that and can see the value in all of it.  I hope I can always understand that.  

Having your faith tried and tested is exhausting and confusing at times.  At least for me it is.  I'm still praying for my health, of course, but from a source not of my own I have come to pray that I will be prepared.  Yes or no.  It doesn't really matter as long as I'm prepared.

Also, I moved that shirt to the middle of the closet.  Finally.

thoughts on a sunday

Cute cousins.  

• Ahhh, I'm behind!  It's hard to get back to my Sunday thoughts when I skipped a week.  Now I feel like there is a million things to write about and a million more I've forgotten about.  It's much easier to keep up with it.  I'll do my best.  I hope this isn't a marathon post, but prepare yourself. . .it is me here.

• So right now I'm sitting here with my little Layes.  We're sick.  I'm feeling okay, but have to snort every five seconds or sneeze if I don't, so I thought it best if I just stay away from the good people at church.
    
• This has given me time to catch up on some blogging.  As you can see, I've posted quite a bit today.
  
  
•  We've had lots of visitors the last two weeks.  Lisa and Ashlyn left on Monday, and I picked Jana, Mark and Carson up on Wednesday morning!  It's been so great to have them all here.  It's annoying though, because me, Jana, Mark and Layla all have a yucky cold thing going on.
  
  
• When Lisa was here we thought Ellery broke her foot.  She jumped off the stairs and landed funny.  It happened right before bed and she cried for a little bit, but then went right to sleep.  We were worried when she woke up three times during the night due to pain in her foot.  That morning she woke up still crying about it and hobbling around.  I carried her up to her room and said, "Okay, you can stay here in your room and play.  I'm done carrying you." A few minutes later she ran into my room and said she was all better.  It was a miracle.  But then I noticed that she was walking on the outside of her foot and she wouldn't wear her boots because they hurt.  So that night Brian took her to the insta care to get an x-ray.  We were worried that something had fractured or broken or something, but the x-ray was clean.  She still walked funny for a couple days, but the foot's completely fine now.
  
  
• McKay started tee ball last week.  He plays for the Dodgers, much to Brian's dismay, although we are all pretending to really love the Dodgers.  I actually don't have to pretend.  Anyway, McKay is so excited about tee ball and I really wish I was there his first practice because Brian said you've never seen a kid more serious about tee ball practice in your life.  I can imagine.
     
• Lets just really talk about this tee ball thing for a second.  Brian signed him up and committed to doing everything tee ball related.  Then I started seeing emails from his coach.  Lengthy, detailed emails about tee ball practice for five year olds.  Then I saw the schedule.  Two practices a week.  A game on Saturday.   That's three days a week!  I became very concerned with tee ball taking over our lives and Brian assured me that I wouldn't have to worry.  Well, I'm still worried.  And I froze my little buns off when Brian was at the hospital 'til eight pm and I had to take McKay and Jaxon to their practice.  And just to top it all off, someone is going to Grants Pass for a month and will miss tee ball for an entire month.  So I think I really do have to worry about it.  I'm not ready for this.  I didn't grow up with brothers so this is all new and slightly ridiculous to me.  Think of me in May...
  
  
• Last week McKay had another big day at preschool.  He was the VIP.  We brought in some of his animals to show the class and gave out animal crackers.
  
  
• Brian started at the VA last week.  It has been a hard week for him, adjusting to yet another hospital, and this one is more of a challenge due to those vets- they're much sicker with a more intense health history than he's used to.  It's going to be great experience for him though.  Oh, and also,he has a pager, so he's cool.
  
  
• On Thursday he had one case that lasted ALL day- a kidney transplant.  He missed the BYU game, tee ball practice and our pizza party.  He didn't get home 'til eight and it was the longest day ever because I hand't talked to him all day.  I usually don't hear from him when he's working, because you kind of don't want your anesthesia provider to be chatting with his wife while you're in surgery.  But usually he's not ever that late.  I was so worried and stressed by five-thirty when I hadn't heard a word, then he finally called to say he had another couple hours left.  Not sure I like the VA if this is how it's going to be...
  
  
• If you're wondering if my baby is still super naughty and waking up a billion times at night, the answer is yes.
  
  
• But she's still really cute.  She likes to drink water out of our cups and is going strong with her oatmeal cereal and some fruits and veggies for dinner.  I looked back at my calendar of McKay's first year and at seven months he was practically eating hamburgers.  Not really, but I started him at four months, so he was way beyond first stage foods at seven months.  Sometimes I think, "what was I thinking?" in regards to things I did with that boy.  I'm glad he turned out okay.
  
  
• Layla is seven months old.  She's not even close to crawling a little bit yet.  Tummy time is non-existent, unless she tips over.  This is okay with me because I do not need a little crawler around here- eating legos and polly pocket shirts.  She sits up like a champ and that's what she does all day long.  Sits and plays.  I don't have all the equipment that I had with my other two and I guess having two older siblings makes up for the entertainment she's not getting from a saucer.
  
  
• Little miss Elle is gearing up for her first ballet class.  She is about to die. 

Happy Sunday.

late

Last November Brian's family had a reunion in Moab for Thanksgiving.  I've been meaning to blog about, well, ever since it happened, because I don't want to forget the memories we made and of course wanted to document the pictures.  I didn't want a post from November hanging around in March the next year, so I put it where it's supposed to be and you can click here if you want to read it.

my orbits

This post was written in February at the tail end of Brian being in Newport.  I found it today and realized I was waiting for a picture of my three before I posted it.  Well, I found a picture, so here it is.  


I've been thinking a lot about motherhood lately.  How sometimes it drives me crazy.  How lately it seems that getting through one day without loosing my patience or yelling is a challenge.  How my kids don't know the meaning of "clean up your toys" without step by step instructions.  How the best part of my day is after I tuck my little ones in and kiss them goodnight.  I wish I could even say that kissing them goodnight was the best, but no, lately it's been after.  


It's hard being a mother to three children by myself.  It's hard not having dad come home in the afternoon.   I miss him.  But I also just miss having someone enter our world besides the four of us.  It's nice having someone to tidy up the house for.  Someone to shower for.  Or to make a decent dinner for.  It's hard not having another adult around for the kids to talk to or play with.  We really miss him.

But today, although it was still hard to be alone, was a better day.  Instead of letting myself worry about the laundry, or cleaning the house, or even getting ready for the day, I decided to just be with them.  I decided to change how I felt about it.  Attitude is powerful.  It isn't everything, and there are some feelings and things that it can't change.  But there's a lot it can.  I'm happy when I am smart enough to allow my attitude to change my day.

Today I had such an experience.  I chose to look at my kids with different eyes.  To not get so annoyed at them needing my attention, but to actually freely give them my undivided attention.  Sadly, I don't do that enough.  And you know what?  There's a lot I would have missed.  Like hearing Ellery play with her new mermaids in the kitchen sink.  I love the pretty little voice she does, and those mermaids are so polite.  Or taking a walk with them and sprinkling the bird seed that McKay got from school all over the neighborhood, instead of just telling him we'd do it later- like I kept doing yesterday.  I loved seeing McKay's delight at his wonderful idea to sprinkle it on all the fire hydrants.  I would have missed seeing him carefully place piles of birdseed on a stick that he decided to stick into the ground.  

I'm sure all mom's of young children can relate to this, but I am literally a planet in my home, and I have three little orbits that rotate around me constantly.  No one is ever very far away.  No one ever stays very far away.  If I leave a room, more often than not they will come to find me within two minutes.  Sometimes this is really tiring.  Sometimes it annoys me and I just want a minute to myself.  But, today, as they started showing up in my bedroom while I was on the phone I saw it for what it really was.  They love me.  They want to be around me.  They don't even care that I'm not paying attention to them- although they spend most of their time trying to get it- they just want to be where I am.

And when I think about it like that, it's really hard to feel annoyed.

the way she plays

I guess I'm in too much of a hurry all of the time because somehow I have helped this little girl learn to claim to be helpless so that someone, anyone, will complete the task for her.  Cleaning up?  She's horrible at it.  Going potty?  She can do it on her own, but will often wait until the last possible second unless we insist and assist. Putting shoes on?  She'll halfheartedly sick her foot in backwards and say, "I can't do it."

I guess I just haven't taken the time to teach her, and given her time and patience to get faster at these little everyday tasks.  It's so much easier to shove her foot into the shoe myself, rather than wait until she finds the right foot to go in the right shoe.  It's something I've just recently pinpointed and I'm now trying really hard to correct.  I've also realized that she just might take longer to do things, and that's okay.

You see, this little head is often up in the clouds.  She'd rather be playing with all her little "girls" than going potty or getting dressed or cleaning up.  But that's exactly what I love about her.  

She has the most beautiful imagination.

I find so much joy watching her play.  Listening to her little girls talk to each other.  Watching her hold them and place them and take care of them.  

One of my favorite things she does when she plays is refer to herself as "the big girl".  Ariel and Belle will be talking and Ariel will say, "The big girl likes pink dresses too," and Belle will be all impressed with Ellery.  She is one of the characters and I just love that.

I love how she will take anything pretty and incorporate it into her world somehow.  A pink glove becomes a sleeping bag for a few princesses.  Layla's shoes become flying ships for the smaller girls.  A tissue box will become someone's house.  A scrap of fabric is instantly transformed into a beautiful wrap for a little girl.  A diaper is the perfect bed.

I still think it's important that this girl develops some personal responsibility and basic human skills.  We're working on it.  But I will never get tired of seeing her use her mind for this.  Ever.  Well, unless she's still playing with Barbies when she's fifteen or something.  Then maybe we'd have another talk.

Love, love, love this girl of mine.

lisa and ash

I didn't get my camera out very much while my sister Lisa was here, but here is what I do have:

 We were all very fortunate to be the audience at an impromptu Michael Jackson concert.  This boy's got some serious moves- you can just see it in his face.  Such concentration and thought when he dances up on that little table.  Lisa and Ash were gracious fans- enduring several songs.  

On St. Patrick's day, Ash and McKay set a leprechaun trap right before we went to the Children's museum.  They put a shiny purse underneath to entice the little guy.  Didn't get a picture of after, but O'Henry the leprechaun left his mark, and some gold for us all to enjoy.  We also had a green dinner that looked totally disgusting but tasted good.  Chunky green alfredo is not very appetizing.  

We went to the Children's Museum.  This is in the animal hospital.   

 We went shopping.  This is the only picture I have of Lisa. . .if you don't count the one of her teeth before we bleached them.  Prom jewelry was at the top of our list, but we also got Lisa some new clothes and hit a few garage sales.  She's heard magical things about garage sales in Portland, but sadly it wasn't the season and all she came away with were boxing gloves.  

Brian kept making fun of us for going to places like Target and garage sales while she was here.  Yes, those are things we could do any day, but not TOGETHER!  We miss doing those everyday errands together and so we did them.  And we liked it.  And we don't care what Brian says. 

These little cousins had a lot of fun together.  We learned that Ellery is very much affected by lack of sleep and thus turned into a mean girl.  Ash quickly decided on the role of the victim because of said mean girl and McKay was somewhere in the middle of these two.  They really did get a long most of the time and had so much fun playing, but Elle was a little stinker occasionally.  Ash brought tons of fun toys and princesses to play with and these three played and played and played.      

Ever since we moved here I have wanted to go to the Portland Market downtown.  We finally did it with Lisa!  It's a great place if you want to buy knit hats or jewelry.  It was fun walking around all the booths and seeing the different people of Portland.  McKay had fun counting all the dogs.  I think he counted twenty six or something.  There just might have more dogs on leashes as there were children in strollers. 

We had fun watching family movie with Ash, while Lisa took a nice nap on the couch.  She has seven kids and a Sunday nap is unheard of for her at home, so I was happy that she got to rest and relax.  

Not pictured:

*Bleaching our teeth- um, it didn't really work, but we sure had fun trying to talk without laughing while our trays were in.

*Food storage discussions

*Hair lessons- she is a changed woman!

*Church- Lisa was confused when popcorn and taffy were passed around in r.s. while we talked about the word of wisdom.

*Date night- Lisa took the kids over to her in-laws Scott and Traci's for the evening while Brian and I went out for our anniversary.  Layla didn't cry for her and we went on a date!  So nice!

*VooDoo.  I braved the one-way streets of downtown Portland with a car full of kids so we could have some donuts and so Lisa could take some home to her fam.  Maybe the VooDoo guy got mad at me for parking in a loading zone.  Maybe.  Maybe VooDoo donuts are completely ridiculous, but really delicious.  McKay and Lisa waited in line for an hour while I sat in the loading zone for awhile with the girls, and then moved to a parking lot across the street.  

*I'm sure there are things I'm forgetting, but it was so great to have her here.  She is SO busy all the time that it was fun to have her here without all that business and just have fun and relax and go to Target together!

RIP baby blue

We have lots of sweet memories in this old car- Brian proposed in here, we brought McKay home from the hospital in this car and we had numerous road trips in baby blue.  

We were really hoping that baby blue (a car that has been in the family for twenty years) would last us through graduate school.  She has been in bad shape cosmetically for quite awhile- broken door handle, rusted paint, no fm radio, broken cd player, and moving to Portland alerted us to a near constant puddle of water on the floor of the back seat.  But.  She was drivable and did got the job done, which was taking Brian to school and clinicals.

But then she started to not be so reliable.  After breaking down in Newport last month, then again this week we realized she was fading fast.  Reliability is pretty huge since Brian will be traveling all over Oregon this year.  We decided to pull the plug on old baby blue and get a new car.

It's not fun to look for a car that you need to buy immediately.  I like when you can take your time and really be sure that you're getting the best car that's out there.  We looked on craigslist mostly, and after two stressful days, finally found a nice little used Camry.  We got a good deal on it (but who really knows that anyway) and I'm glad that we have a reliable second car that can fit our family if needs be.  And I'm happy for Brian that he can listen to the radio again and that his car doesn't smell like mildew.

Here's the kicker.  We didn't know what to do with baby blue.  We didn't know how to get rid of her when she needed at least a $700 repair, plus all the other problems she had.  Brian went and looked at a car off craigslist before we bought ours, and the guy said that his friend might be interested in our car.  The next morning there they were test driving our car and before we knew it she was gone.  We sold it!  Ha, ha- I still can't believe someone bought it, with the long list of things to fix and all.  Brian was a little sentimental as he watched some random guy drive his trusty car away for good.  

You know, this doesn't really have to do with this post, but there really is no where else to put it.  I'm kind of really upset with Brian.  A couple weeks ago I asked him what he would do if he won 3 million dollars.  He listed only a few things- pay off student loans, buy a truck, and save the rest for later.  I know, I know- he was acting all sensible and unaffected by his money.  Whatever.  I told him that I would get a new car with our 3 million and he looked at me like I was a crazy person.  Then his eyes got all narrow and he said, "Why?!  What's wrong with your car?"  Well, nothing, but we have 3 million dollars.  I might want a sweet mini van with automatic sliding doors and fancy cargo storage and leather seats.  A new one!  He could not believe his ears and thought I was completely crazy and spoiled for getting a new car with our 3 million.  And listen, he was serious.  And I got mad at him and am still totally mad if I think about it.  I mean really, is one little car too much to ask for when you have THREE MILLION DOLLARS???

Okay, I'm not going to get mad anymore. . .unless we start talking about it again.  I have always driven the nicer, newer car, so maybe he wants to drive around in his truck to make me jealous.  I don't know.  Right now, with the new car, we're pretty much even.  It's a good thing we don't have three mill!