thoughts on a sunday

Steven's gravestone, as dictated by McKay.

• Our caterpillars finally became butterflies this week.  (forgot to mention we had caterpillars.  they poop a lot).  After enjoying them in the net-cage for a few days, we let them go on Saturday.  Except one of them wouldn't fly.  His wing was bent.  He's nowour newest pet.

• Which is great, because our other pet passed away this morning. . .or three days ago. . .but we just noticed this morning.  His name was Steven.  He was a wooley bear caterpillar.  McKay took really good care of him- feeding him grass everyday (almost) and making a really nice home for him in a mason jar.  He even held him and played with him quite frequently.  One morning, Steven and McKay woke me up in the morning- in my bed.  We had thought Steven had begun to hibernate already, but McKay discovered that this morning he felt different.  Like, dead different.  So we had a burial.

• At dinner, McKay proclaimed that every body dies and Ellery wondered how her dead grasshopper pet was doing in his watery cage.  She's sure he'll get resurrected.

• McKay scored a goal at his soccer game on Saturday.  

• McKay is driving me crazy with clothes lately.  Somehow, everyone is into dressing themselves.  This is great, but how come they want to wear my least-favorite clothes over everything else?  I swear McKay's favorites are the ones I hate.  Anyway, he's also really fussy about his pants.  He only wants to wear jeans, and he doesn't have enough jeans to wear a pair every day.  So we either fight about wearing other pants, or he will dig a pair of jeans out of the dirty clothes and proudly go off to school.  Usually it's the latter that happens.  Also, he's obsessed with socks.

• Ellery's devotion to dresses and skirts has gone to a whole new level, as she is completely boycotting leggings and tights of any kind.  

• Layla started walking this week.  I figured I should start encouraging her to walk by holding her hand as she practiced, instead of  carryign her everywhere.  But before I could even do that too much, one day she just started doing it.  She still falls after she walks a bit, but she can walk across the room and start, stop and get up by herself.  

• There is nothing cuter than a baby who just learned to walk.

• Guess what else she learned to do?  Speak German.  I don't actually know German, so I don't know what she's saying, but I know that's what it sounds like.  

• Another noteworthy tidbit about miss Layla Ann:  She had her first tantrum on Saturday morning.  She woke up crying, so I got her and she wouldn't stop crying.  Then batting her fists at me.  I tried milk, books, snuggling, blankets, souci- all the tricks- and she either twisted like an alligator or threw them. McKay came down and I thought he might cheer her up, because he usually does.  Nope.  She hit him repeatedly, directly, and forcefully.  She has never done any of this before.  Finally, after just watching her twist around scream on the floor for awhile, Ellery came down.  I made a big deal as Elle glided down the stairs towards her, and somehow, that is what got her to stop. Ellery gave her a hug and kiss and we quickly got some books going and read book after book until there were no sobs in between.  I kind of loved this tantrum, and I don't even know what it was about.

• We went to the farmer's market this week, perhaps for the last time ever.  I tried not to think about that and just enjoy the sights, smells and tastes.  We enjoyed kettle corn, as always, as well as some pears, pitas, and broccoli.  

• Lets talk about the weather.  I am so happy with Portland right now.  You see, we have had Utah-like Fall weather this wee.  A little chill, mostly sunny, but sometimes cloudy, and yellow and orange leaves blowing all over the grass and streets.  I am so happy I got a taste of this weather because sometimes Portland skips important weather transitions like this and then I go crazy.
• Brian is so silly when it comes to running shoes.  He took his jar full of change and cashed it in to buy a new pair (again!?) of trail running shoes, because, you know, you really need both.  I was mad that he dumped a huge jar of change on my bed, but then when I saw him counting out his little piles of money I thought it was kind of cute, and my heart was softened for the trail shoes.  

• Just so you know, I did not make him use his change to buy these shoes.  If you remember last week he bought new running shoes.  Newer new running shoes were not an option on our budget, so he had to get creative.

• Ellery has had a mishap on her new bike.  Did I tell you about her bike?  Probably not.  She got a bike for her birthday, named Starburst (she's into naming things) and for the first day she loved it and felt like a hot shot zipping around on Starburst.  Then, she stopped paying attention and fell off.  Since we had to go somewhere right when this happened, she was not able to get back on and try again until two days had passed.  By then, fear of falling had taken root in her bike-riding soul and she is not interested in Starburst at all.  She is afraid.  We are frustrated.  

• Often times, when I ask Ellery to do something, she replies with, "sure".  I sure love it.

• Today was the primary program.  McKay did awesome on his part- memorized it and everything.  Ellery memorized hers, but I think maybe the sunbeams said it all together at some discreet time, because I never heard her say it.  I don't know if she sang a word either.  She still looked cute sitting up there being a little sunbeam.

• Brian has come and gone.  I thought it would be easier when he was here in Oregon, to be apart.  It is easier in a lot of ways- like with me taking care of the kids on my own.  Maybe I'm getting used to doing it on my own, but that part isn't as hard as it was.  It also helps being in the same time zone.  What is harder though is having him come and just when we're getting used to being together again, he has to leave.  It's heartbreaking to say goodbye to him each Sunday night.  I hate it.  The kids hate it.  I feel like crying when I say goodbye, but I can't because I know I have two little people laying in their beds needing me to hold it together because they are having a hard time holding it together.  Sunday nights they lay in bed for several hours trying not to be sad and feeling who knows what.  I honestly wonder if I should talk to them more about what is going on.  I do tell them that this is a hard time and it's just something we have to do for a little bit longer until dad is done with school.  And then we usually focus on Disneyland.  The idea of going to Disneyland is literally saving their happiness right now on these yucky Sunday nights.  Disneyland better not disappoint these kids, because we have a lot invested already.

• I feel like I'm sick of complaining. . .or even just talking about Brian being gone on my blog, so I'm sure everyone is sick of hearing it too.  It's just hard to not talk about it though.  It's really hard not being able to live together.  You'd think that he'd come home and we'd be all happy and everything would be perfect for the few days we have together, but it's not always like that.  There is a lot of stress, adjusting, and confusion going on and it's just not that easy to put those feelings aside.  We did have a lovely weekend, but it's just hard to keep doing this over and over and over.  I'm completely sick of it.  

• Also, it's looking like we might be moving anywhere now.  At first we kind of thought we'd like to stay in Oregon, or go back to Utah.  Now, we're looking all over the west coast for jobs and who knows where we'll end up.  This is making me crazy.  I could almost cry thinking about leaving our house, ward, neighborhood, area, friends, and schools.  At this point, staying in this same spot in Oregon, even if we do stay in Oregon, is extremely unlikely.  This is an opportunity to look forward to the next adventure. . .but it's so hard thinking about moving my kids away from all that they know.  And change is hard.  

• I got kind of depressing at the end there, didn't I?  Does this help?  How cute are my twinner girls?  I have really taken to dressing them the same for church.  I figure I should do it while they still think it's cool.  What is Layla's face?  It's the best I could get.

Well, happy Sunday anyway!